Toe the Line(28)

Crickets chirping were the only sound for several seconds.

I should’ve let sleeping dogs lie, but I couldn’t help myself. “Seriously, why would you want me to do that?”

Noelle stood, brushing grass off her jeans. “I just figured it wouldn’t be a big deal to you. You’d be doing me a favor.”

“You want me to pop your cherry, and you think it would mean nothing to me?”

“Look. I’m obviously drunk. I just said what I was thinking. I regret it. Can we drop the subject?”

“Yeah. Sure.” I rose and started to pace, feeling equal parts enraged and turned on. I directed my energy toward cleaning up the Easter eggs and the rest of the mess we’d made.

We didn’t speak of this again for the rest of that night, and we each retreated to our own rooms.

? ? ?

The next morning, I forced myself to get up to run, only to find Noelle wasn’t waiting outside.

For the first time ever, she’d overslept—either that or she was intentionally avoiding me, and for good reason. She’d put herself out there last night, and I’d shot her down. I could’ve handled that better.

Today I could see things more clearly, and that meant I looked like even more of an asshole for my abrupt reaction to her brave and vulnerable request. Even if she was drunk, that took a lot of courage. Deep down, I knew I’d been defensive because I did like Noelle as more than a friend. It was fucked up for her to have assumed she meant so little to me that I could just screw her and forget about it.

But I guess I hadn’t given her reason to believe I had true feelings. Yet I felt so much for Noelle that I could hardly breathe around her sometimes. We’d developed a strong connection this summer. And while I was attracted to her, it was so much more than that. Experiencing more than just physical attraction to someone was new for me. But my feelings for her couldn’t go anywhere because I would never be the kind of guy she needed. Crossing the line with Noelle would mean losing her as a friend—something I wasn’t ready to risk.

Even so, I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d proposed. I’d gone to bed hard, unable to sleep, so goddamn horny. I wanted to give her what she’d asked for and more. I just didn’t want the guilt that would be associated with it. I didn’t want to go back to school with any regrets hanging over my head, and I didn’t want to do anything that would risk being unable to face her next summer.

As I pounded the pavement alone, my thoughts went from sensible to anything but. I started to think about all the things I could teach her, all the ways I could make her come. Had anyone even made her come before? What was so wrong about giving in to a friend’s request for a little sexual education? I shook my head. Are you fucking crazy, Archie?

Given all of the dirty thoughts in my head, it was unfortunate that I ran right into her as I returned to the house. Noelle was waiting for me at the side door by the kitchen. She held a mug of coffee in her hand and looked as hungover as I knew she was.

My breathing was heavy as I stood there, dripping sweat. “Where were you?” I asked as I took my earbuds out.

Her eyes were red and a bit sunken. “I overslept. I’m sorry.”

“I get it. We drank a lot last night.”

“I’m surprised you got up on time,” she said.

“Well…I was hoping to talk to you.” Glancing toward the dining area to make sure our parents couldn’t hear, I lowered my voice. “Things got weird last night.”

She nodded. “Yes, they did. And I need to apologize.”

“No. You—”

“Yes, I do.” She looked over her shoulder. “I know you just came in from a run, but can we take a walk?”

“Sure.”

She set her coffee mug down before we stepped outside. We went just far enough that we were no longer within earshot of the house. Then we stopped and faced each other on the side of the road.

Noelle looked down at her feet and zipped her hoodie all the way up. “I’m embarrassed about what I said to you.”

I placed my hand under her chin and brought her face to meet my eyes. “Be real with me, Noelle. Was it the alcohol talking? Or was that something you’d thought about when you weren’t drunk, too?”

She hesitated. “I’d thought about it…but I never would’ve mentioned it without the liquid courage.”

“I’m sorry for the way I reacted. I feel really protective of you, and ironically, I also feel like I’m at the top of the list of people you need to be wary of. You know my track record. I don’t fucking trust myself with you, even when you’re not asking me to have sex.”

Her breathing quickened. “I guess… I’m just confused. I obviously value your friendship and care for you deeply. But I’ve never had a guy friend like you—someone I’m also…attracted to.” She shook her head. “I don’t want you to think I was trying to exploit you by asking you to have sex with me.”

Closing the space between us, I said, “I don’t think that.”

“But the lines have a tendency to get blurred,” she continued. “When we’re hanging out, sometimes I notice you staring at me, and I can’t tell if you’re lost in thought or if it’s something more. So I thought maybe…”