Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(68)

A small laugh left me as I kissed her jaw and nuzzled against her. She felt so good in my arms. Amazing. “We do this all the time. Sometimes we do more…” We could do more now. I could take you upstairs, undress you, ravish you. I could make you happy.

Kiera wasn’t on the same page as me. Flustered, she sputtered, “The car?”

I laughed harder at that response. “That was all you. You were getting all…excited on me, just sitting there.” Squatting down, I met her gorgeous hazel eyes. “Was I supposed to just ignore that?” How could I possibly ignore you?

Her face filled with color, and she turned away from me with a sigh. She knew I was right. She knew she wanted me. She kept avoiding the truth, but that didn’t make it go away.

I knew I should be honest with her, tell her everything in my heart, but I couldn’t go there. Just the thought of opening up, letting her in, made my insides twist into painful knots. I’d rather stick myself in the eye with a dozen needles. No, teasing her was all I was comfortable with, so that was what I did.

“Hmmm…do you want me to stop?” I traced a line from her hair to her cheek, down her neck, right between her breasts, and down to her hips. Like a flower turning toward the sun, her body opened under my touch. It was so subtle, she probably wasn’t even aware she was arching toward me, but I knew women. I could read their body language better than my own. And Kiera’s was screaming Take me.

Her eyes closed as her breath quickened. “Yes,” she breathed. Exactly, Kiera. Say yes to me.

In a low voice, I told her, “You don’t seem so sure…do I make you uncomfortable?”

I ran my finger along the inside of her waistband and watched her face while she struggled to not let me see how much she enjoyed it. I was sure she was ready for me. I’d just have to move my hand a bit and I’d feel it. God, I wanted to. I wanted her so much.

“Yes,” she whispered. Her voice was almost pleading more than rejecting.

Leaning in, I whispered in her ear, “Do you want me inside you again?”

Her answer was instant. And surprising. “Yes…”

Her eyes snapped open as she came out of the mini-trance I’d coaxed her into. Her eyes were wide, like she was terrified I’d take her up on her suggestion without giving her a second to reconsider. “No! I meant no!”

I couldn’t help but smile at the expression on her face. She was flushed, from either embarrassment or desire. I tried not to laugh at her, but when anger flooded her face and she repeated, “I meant no, Kellan,” one brief laugh escaped me.

“Yes, I know—I know exactly what you meant.” You want to say yes, but you’re not ready.

When I saw Kiera again that afternoon, when she got back from school, she seemed spent. She was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV, but she obviously wasn’t watching it. She didn’t seem to notice me standing at the edge of the room, staring at her. Definitely tired then. She usually knew the instant I was looking at her. As I approached the couch, I wondered if I was to blame for her exhaustion. I hoped not.

Without looking, she started to stand when she felt the cushion compress beside her, like she knew it was me and she didn’t want to be anywhere near me. Her reluctance combined with her stubbornness was amusing. Grabbing her arm, I pulled her back down. Things wouldn’t move forward between us if she ignored me.

She looked my way with narrowed eyes, obviously unhappy that I was forcing us to spend time together. She crossed her arms over her chest, further letting me know just how put out she was. Did she realize how cute she was right now? She looked away from my adoring smile. Shaking my head, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She immediately stiffened but didn’t pull away. Until I started pulling her toward my lap—then she jerked away like I’d poured ice water down her back.

I startled at her sudden movement and icy glare. I just wanted her to rest on me, like she used to. I wasn’t sure why she was having such a violent reaction until I understood what she thought I’d been implying. I started laughing, even more amused.

Pointing to my lap, I assured her that I meant nothing sordid by the gesture. “Lie down…you look tired.” Not able to help myself, I playfully added, “But if you wanted to, I wouldn’t stop you.”

Frowning, she elbowed me in the ribs. At least she realized I was joking. I grunted at the minor pain, then pulled her back to my lap. “So stubborn,” I muttered as she finally let me lay her down.

She twisted to her back, and I gazed at her and stroked her dark hair. She was so beautiful, and so unaware of it. She was unaware of a lot of things. Like how much she meant to me, how different she was from every other girl I’d ever met, how I’d do absolutely anything for her. Even leave, if she changed her mind and asked me to. I hoped she never asked me to.

“See…that wasn’t so bad, was it?” I asked her. We could have this every day again, if you’d just let me back in…

Kiera studied me while I stared at her with open longing. Did she see how much I wanted this? Was it apparent on my face? Would she understand if she saw it? She was so na?ve, so inexperienced. It made me believe that Denny was the only person she’d been with, the only person she’d opened up to. Maybe she really had no idea what she was doing, how much she affected me. Even though I knew I had no right to ask, curiosity compelled me to.