Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(138)

She had a point, but in her state, I couldn’t let her know that. “He’ll know we had a fight…that’s it.” I could hear Evan shifting his weight; he was antsy, ready for Kiera to leave. The longer she stayed, the better the chances were that we’d be discovered. “You should go, before he comes back here looking for you.”

Kiera was reluctant, reminding me how much I meant to her. “Okay…”

She turned to leave and I grabbed her arm. “Kiera…” I pulled her in for a kiss that left us both breathless, then I released her.

The door shutting after Kiera felt thunderous. I wasn’t sure if that was my nerves or some sort of foreshadowing. I loved Kiera, and now she knew it. She loved Denny, but she loved me too; I saw it in her eyes. She wasn’t going to deny us anymore, but she wouldn’t deny him either. The three of us were going to be some odd, f*cked-up family. I had no idea how this could possibly end well.

Now that Evan and I were alone in the room, the air seemed to thicken. Tension settled around us. I knew he was looking at me; I could feel his eyes warming the spot on my cheek where Kiera had slapped the living hell out of me. Staring at the door and wishing Kiera would step back through it wasn’t doing me any good, so with a deep inhale, I turned my head to look at Evan. He crossed his arms over his chest and lifted an eyebrow.

“What?” I asked, knowing full well exactly what his problem with me was.

Letting out a sigh that was heavy with disapproval, he shook his head. “What were you thinking, Kell? Denny’s girl? How could you go there?”

I dropped my head, but only for an instant. He didn’t know what she meant to me. He didn’t know how hard I’d tried. “I fell in love. I didn’t want to, trust me, but it happened anyway.” I looked back to the door. “It happened, and now we’re all screwed.”

“What are you going to do?” he quietly asked me. That was the real question, wasn’t it?

“I don’t know.” I looked back to his face. His expression had softened into compassion, like he really did get it, but he didn’t know what I should do either. “I can’t let her go, Evan. I tried. I tried to stay away, I tried to forget her. I tried to ignore what was happening between us, but it’s not possible. She’s with me everywhere I go, and then, when I see her…touch her…” Sighing, I scrubbed my face with my hands. “I don’t know what to do.”

Evan found a couple of chairs stacked along the wall and pulled them over. He sat down, then patted for me to sit beside him. He was quiet for several minutes, then he said, “You kind of screwed yourself into a corner, Kell, but…it’s Denny. You should tell him.”

Leaning over my knees, I dropped my head into my hands. “How can I tell him that I’m in love with his girlfriend? That she means more to me than…How can I tell him about any of this? He’d hate me…”

Evan let out another sigh. “And you don’t think he’s going to hate you when he finds out some other way? And you know it’s going to get out there, don’t you? You can’t keep a lid on this forever, and if it doesn’t come from you…” He sighed again. “It should come from you. You’re the only one who can fix this.”

I glanced up at him. “By breaking it?”

He lifted a corner of his lip. “It’s already broken. Denny just doesn’t realize it yet.”

I stared at him for long moments. He was right, but I didn’t want to admit it, and I didn’t want to think about hurting Denny. I didn’t want to think about anything. All I wanted to do was replay those magical words that Kiera had spoken to me just a few minutes ago. I’m yours.

Keeping the smile from my face, I stared at my hands. Evan must have seen something though. “She really makes you happy, doesn’t she?”

I nodded. “And miserable, all at the same time.” I peeked up at him. “Who knew a girl could do that to a person?”

Laughing, he patted me on the back. “I could have told you that. Nothing messes you up quite like a girl.” Evan glanced toward the closed door, and I wondered if he was thinking about Jenny. For once, I didn’t bug him about her though. I had my own problems.

“Tell me about her,” he said, his face curious but nonjudgmental. “How did you get together? When did you know you loved her?”

I inhaled a deep breath, wondering if I should tell him what had happened between us, but a smile spread on my face as I thought about Kiera, and the words gushed from me as easily as water releasing from a dam. I’d been holding this in for far too long.

Evan let me talk with practically no interruptions. He asked a question every so often, and sometimes he’d frown or shake his head, but he kept most of his comments to himself. When I was finished, he knew almost everything. The only comment he made when I was done was “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

I looked away. “I knew what you’d say. That she wasn’t mine, and I couldn’t go there, and…I didn’t want to hear it.” I flashed a glance his way. “Honestly, I still don’t, but it’s kind of too late now.”

Evan cracked a smile. “Yeah. Cat’s out of the bag, right?”

I cringed as I remembered my angry outburst. God, I could be such a dick sometimes. Evan chuckled beside me, then said, “Despite it all, I think you’re a good person, Kellan, and I know you’ll do the right thing.”