Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(136)

With each word I spoke, the next word was easier. Before I knew it, I was rambling in between brief, heartfelt kisses. “I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. The women…I was so scared to touch you. You didn’t want me…I couldn’t take the pain. I tried to get over you. Every time with them, I was with you. I’m so sorry…I love you.”

I didn’t know if I was getting through to her. I didn’t know if I was making sense, but I needed her forgiveness. I’d done so much wrong. “Forgive me…please. I tried to forget you. It didn’t work…I just wanted you more. God, I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. Every girl is you to me. You’re all I see…you’re all I want. I want you so much. I want you forever. Forgive me…I love you so much.”

Kiera’s breath increased, and our kisses became heated, intense and passionate, just like everything about us. “God, I love you. I need you. Forgive me. Stay with me. Say you need me too. Say you want me too. Please…be mine.”

Reality snapped back into me as I begged for her love. She’d been silent this entire time. She hadn’t said a word in response, besides my name. What did that mean? Was she okay with what I was saying? Was she surprised how much I cared about her? Was she ambivalent? Did she care about me at all? What was she thinking…?

“Kiera…?”

She tried to speak, but no words came out. Calming herself, she closed her eyes. I could see the tears squeezing through her eyelashes, but I didn’t know what that meant either. She didn’t say anything for a long time, and she didn’t open her eyes. I guess that was my answer. She didn’t feel what I felt. She didn’t love me. I’d poured my heart out for nothing. No, not for nothing. I’d opened myself up to someone, and I’d never done that before. That had to count for something.

I pulled away from her and her eyes finally opened. She grabbed my arm, stopping me. I felt my eyes stinging as I looked down at her. Was this the moment she broke my heart again? Could I stomach it? I really didn’t feel like I could. A tear in my eye trickled down my skin. Kiera brushed it away, then cupped my cheek and pulled me closer. Our lips met, and my heart soared and cracked.

“Kiera…” I pulled away. I needed words from her right now, not actions.

Her eyes were as wet as mine as she stared up at me. She swallowed a harsh lump in her throat, then she finally spoke. “You were always right—we’re not friends. We’re so much more. I want to be with you, Kellan. I want to be yours. I am yours.”

She wasn’t saying it as directly as I had…but I understood. She did love me. She didn’t want to, but she did, and she didn’t want to fight it anymore. She was mine. Finally.





Chapter 26





Here’s My Heart




I moved over her again, returned my mouth to hers. I kissed her with everything I had, my entire soul, but still…I held a part of me back. She could change her mind at any second. She could crush me with a word. I wanted to be prepared for her rejection; maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so much.

My body trembled with restraint, and every place she touched me burned with painful need. She was everything I wanted, everything I needed, everything I hoped for. She ran her fingers down my back, then swept my shirt over my head. I ran my fingers up her skin, taking her shirt with them. I wanted us to be laid bare, no barriers between us. Not anymore. But I didn’t want to spook Kiera, so I kept my movements teasingly slow.

Her fingers caressed my bare back, then swept along my side, to the scar I had along my ribs from when I had protected her. The healing wound was a small price to pay for her. I’d gladly pay it again. More if I had to. I’d give my life for her.

I felt her exposed shoulders, let the pads of my fingers run across her bra and down to her waist. I wanted so much more, but I didn’t know if she was ready. I didn’t know if she’d 100 percent meant what she’d said.

Shifting my weight, I brought my hands to the waistband of her jeans. I desperately wanted this, but I couldn’t handle another no. I’d explode. I needed some sort of assurance from her that this was okay. As if she heard my musings, Kiera whispered, “I’m yours…don’t stop.”

Her hips wriggled in a way that let me know, without a doubt, that she wanted this. She was mine. I had nothing to fear. There wouldn’t be a rejection this time.

With a relieved exhale, I began working on her jeans in earnest. Yes, this was going to happen. We were going to give ourselves to each other. Everything was going to be fine.

Kiera unfastened my jeans while I did hers. Once hers were undone, I started pulling them off her. Adoration radiating from my chest in waves of happiness, I murmured, “Kiera, I love you,” then placed a soft kiss on her neck.

As I was nuzzling against her neck, I heard her quiet voice, “Kellan, wait…just a min—”

I didn’t even let her finish saying our code phrase for “back off.” “Kiera…” I groaned. Disappointment warred with grief in my body as I relaxed my hold on her jeans and slumped against her. Had she really done this to me again? “Oh…my…God. Are you serious?” I rocked my head against her shoulder; at the same time I was both shocked and not surprised at all. “Please don’t do this again. I can’t take it.”