The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(80)

“I don’t... I don’t know what to say to that. Because you know, that’s not really healthy and...”

“How would you know?”

“Because I’ve been dependent on people. On their approval, on their... It’s exhausting.”

He remembered what she’d said. About how she hadn’t told anyone about the baby. She’d been afraid of losing approval for a long time.

“It doesn’t have to be. That wasn’t you being dependent on other people, that was making them dependent on you. That’s different. I want to do things for you. I want to be there for you. I want to make you dinner. And I want to make you come. I want this.”

She looked away from him, her cheeks going red, and he put his finger underneath her chin and tilted her face toward him. And he kissed her. With everything he was, with everything he felt deep down inside of him. He kissed her. He kissed her because there was just nothing else to do. He kissed her because he needed her.

And he couldn’t list all the ways, couldn’t list all the reasons. But that was just it. It wasn’t a list of attributes or gifts or wants or even needs. It was something bigger, deeper.

Something more than he’d ever experienced in his life, and he’d experienced a whole damn lot. It was music; it was art.

It was brave.

It was her.

From the moment he’d seen her, something had shifted inside of him, the world had begun to change. From that very same moment.

“Mallory,” he said, the words rough, the words scraping his throat. “I’m in love with you.”

And as soon as he said it, he knew it was true. As soon as he said it, he knew there was no point fighting any of it. He was all in. All in to this, all in to her. It was funny how... Up until this moment he’d been pushing off thinking that. Up until this moment he pretended like he didn’t know what he wanted. He did. He wanted all of it. Every last bit. He wanted to make a family with her.

He wanted to be Lily’s father, but he wanted Mallory to be Lily’s mother. He wanted to go to bed with her every night and wake up with her every morning. There was a reason that when she left the house it had felt wrong. And she kept talking about need. She kept saying that he didn’t need her. But she didn’t understand need the way that he did.

He’d made a life of being self-sufficient. And within that, he made a habit of not connecting with people. But now he’d done it. And this was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to. Because he knew how deep it went. And how much it cut when you lost someone. But he couldn’t deny it anymore. It wasn’t living. It wasn’t honoring the reasons that fate had left him in this world.

“Colt... I don’t know what... I can’t... Colt, I came here to start a new life.”

“Start a new life with me. I love you. I love you.”

And he saw fear fill her eyes, and it reminded him of that night they’d come together. Of when they’d seen each other after. It was connection. It terrified her. Made her want to run the other direction.

“Don’t say anything.”

He couldn’t hear it now. And he couldn’t say any more. He could only show her.

That first night they’d been together, it had been all about the physical. All about lust, all about passion. And in the time since then, feelings had begun to braid their way into the interaction. Desire mingling with something intimate and more specific.

But he could see it all clearly now. The tapestry of their relationship. Because feeling had always been there. From the first.

And he would’ve said that love at first sight was impossible because you couldn’t know ahead of time. You couldn’t possibly love someone you didn’t know. You couldn’t see ahead to all the things that they would become to you.

But, hell, he believed in fate and the hand of God.

He believed in all that, maybe because he had to.

And he knew that it had been love. From the first. It was why the sex had been different. It was why they hadn’t been able to escape each other.

She was meant for him. And he was meant for this moment. For this woman.

And if he couldn’t tell her, he would show her.

He kissed her, his tongue sliding against hers, his heart beating faster. The blood in his veins was fire, and his body was hard, ready. This was like nothing. Like nothing that had ever existed before. Desire mixing with feeling. He felt undone. Like all of the protective layers inside of him had been ripped away, leaving him exposed, bloody and open. To anything. Any pain that she might wish to throw at him. She could destroy him now with a few carefully chosen words. And he... He didn’t move to protect himself. He wouldn’t change anything.

Because this was what had to happen. Because he’d lived his life protected. He’d lived it separate. And it hadn’t solved a damn thing. But this... This.

He moved his hands behind her back, ran them down to cup her rear. Then he moved them down farther, sliding his fingers beneath the hemline of her dress, pushing it slowly up her thighs, past her hips, her narrow waist and her breasts, until he took it completely off her body. And when he saw her, his stomach went completely tight. She was dressed in yellow lace that barely covered her curves. He could see the dusky hue of her nipples beneath the whisper-thin bra, and the shadow of curls between her thighs.

He looked at that body with renewed respect. That body that exhausted itself for others. That body that had carried a child, no matter that it had resulted in loss. It had been changed by carrying that life.