The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(75)

“I know,” Jake said.

“I’m glad you did now. I’m really damn glad.”

“You know I worried about you,” Jake said. “Because it has been so hard to reach you. And I sure as hell didn’t know how. I was as messed up as you were. I met Callie and things changed. I wanted to change. Even back then. When she was just a kid and I was mentoring her. And then... And then later. When things changed again. She makes me want to be better. If you found the thing that makes you want to be better...”

It wasn’t just one thing, though. Colt didn’t quite have the words for it yet. And while he was damn glad he was able to talk to his brother now, there were just certain things that needed to be considered in dark rooms by himself. Certain truths that needed to be come to by himself.

“You know, I thought a lot about my legacy,” Colt said. “About what the point of it was. But I haven’t thought a whole lot about my life.”

“Well, the greatest legacy is living. Life is pretty damn sweet.”

“I’m starting to think so,” he said.

And that was the thing, he tempted fate, tested death all those years when it had felt like the biggest, grandest unknown out there. When he felt unworthy of the breath in his lungs and uncertain what to do with the time he’d been given that he felt like was borrowed and maybe not his own.

But he suddenly felt the sun extra warm on his skin and the air clear in his lungs. The scent of pine, dirt and grass. The sensation of being on the back of his horse, the feeling of Lily’s weight in his arms and her steady breathing. Life. It felt like a gift just then. A gift that he’d handled roughly. A gift that he hadn’t fully embraced. Because he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop, because he had been afraid to care too much, because he had been too afraid. Too afraid.

Because he hadn’t been brave. Because the scariest thing of all was acceptance. Was truly accepting that his parents were gone. That Trent was gone. That it was the hand that life had dealt, and there was no amount of anger holding on or fighting it that could bring them back.

All he could do was honor them. By honoring himself.

By living all that life afforded to him.

There was no amount of guilt, no grand demonstration of martyrdom that was ever going to balance the scales.

What if there were no scales? No balance. If it wasn’t about achieving any great purpose. Because the greatest purpose that he’d found so far was loving this child.

And investing in the hope that she would love him too.

The love of his family. His brother.

Maybe it was just that simple. Not some cosmic equation to figure out. But the love that you gave and took every day, that you spent and held tight and cherished. For the land and the sky and the people around you.

And maybe that was just living.

“I guess I better get back to work,” Colt said.

“Yeah. See you after.”

“See you after.” He turned his horse around, but then he paused. “You know I was always thankful for you. I love you.”

Jake looked like he’d been hit in the face with the cowboy boots. “Oh. Well... I love you too, Colt.”

“Just wanted to say it.”

“Appreciated,” his brother said, his voice husky. And Colt’s chest felt tight then too. Deep, real living.

Because maybe the purpose was life. A more abundant life. With rich unfathomable layers that took bravery to feel. To want. To care for.

It was loving the fragile things in a dangerous world that required real bravery.

And that was what he wanted. From here on out.



CHAPTER NINETEEN


MALLORY STOPPED ON the porch of her clinic, touching the intricately carved posts there.

Colt’s work was amazing.

Colt. Just thinking about him made her heart clench and her body get hot. That man...

The last thing she had expected this morning was for him to show up cooking breakfast for her. And say he wanted her. Kissing her.

It made her... Well, it made her want to run a mile, and she didn’t even know why.

She was here, at the clinic, getting back to the business at hand. It had been a good day so far, complete with a couple of home visits. She had gotten to visit Grant and McKenna and see the place where they wanted to give birth to the baby. It was looking like everything was going to work out with her insurance and that it was going to be able to be a home birth just like they wanted, which was all for the best, because while she was getting everything in shape at the clinic, it was going to take a little while for everything to come, and for her to get it all set up.

“Mallory?”

Mallory turned and saw one of her clients standing there, an expression of concern on her face. Lizzie Omak was clutching her baby bump, her brows pleated.

“Lizzie,” she said. “We don’t have an appointment, do we?”

“No. I was having lunch down the road. I... I’m bleeding.”

“You did the right thing coming in. Come on,” Mallory said. She put her hand low on Lizzie’s back and began to lead her up the stairs, pushing her inside. “How much blood?” she asked briskly, leading the way down the hall into one of the exam rooms.

“I don’t know. Um... A tablespoon, maybe?”

“Okay. Brown, bright red?”

“Kind of... Bright, but dark.”