The Stand-In Boyfriend (Grove Valley High #1)(51)

He nods. I don’t know why I just told him that. Only Sophie and Jessie know. Usually when someone mentions my dad, I just let them assume I see him and don’t go into details. For some reason, though, I want Chase to know the truth.

“That’s so shitty, Liv.”

I nod. It is shitty. There’s no denying it. I loved my dad more than anything in the world and he doesn’t want me. That’s the truth of it. I know he sends my mom money for me occasionally, but that’s because the courts told him to, not because he wants to. It’s like he wishes he could wipe me and my mom completely from his memory. I haven’t gotten a birthday card from him since I turned twelve.

“Do you speak to him at all?”

I shake my head. “No, not anymore. He used to call every now and then, but he hasn’t called me in years and I don’t know his number anymore. He changed it and didn’t tell me his new one.” I swallow hard and try to control my emotions. “He was over in California on business and had an affair with this woman he’s with now. He told my mom he hadn’t been happy with us and then just moved away.”

“When was this?”

“Just after I started middle school.” I manage a weak smile. “It kinda messed me up for a while. I think that’s why I get so anxious and panicky about stuff.”

He nods. “It makes sense. I’d say you’ve got a reason for it.”

I smile at him, grateful that he’s not making light of it or dismissing this major thing that happened to me and that has changed me completely.

“I had a full-on meltdown,” I tell him. “I just woke up one day and my dad was gone. I couldn’t handle it.” I manage a wry smile, thinking back to that time in my life and how devastated I was.

“I’m sorry, Livy.”

I shrug. “I got scared that my mom was going to leave too. It got to the point where I couldn’t go anywhere without her. I used to cry when she dropped me off at school because I was so scared she wouldn’t be there to get me afterward. They call it separation anxiety.”

His face is full of concern. “That must have been so tough.”

“Eventually it got to the point where I’d refuse to leave the house without her. I didn’t want to go to school, didn’t want to go anywhere she wasn’t.” I shake my head, thinking back on how scared my mom would always look when I was having one of my freak-outs. She had so much to worry about anyway and then there was me slowly losing my mind on top of it all. “Even Sophie couldn’t talk me down, and you know she can get anyone to do anything.”

He offers me a small smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Anyway, the school eventually arranged for me to see a child psychologist, and we talked things through and then I eventually started to feel better. She taught me all these different breathing techniques to use when I start getting worked up. I still use them today.”

“And that’s why you got so stressed after I pulled you out of the cafeteria that time?”

I nod. “Yeah. I don’t like being the center of attention or feeling like things are changing and I have no control. I’m definitely getting better at dealing with it, but sometimes I still freak out.”

He nods. “I’m sorry if I’ve pushed you too much and stressed you out.”

“No!” I shake my head rapidly. “I didn’t mean that. No, you haven’t done anything.” I should tell him he makes me feel more relaxed and carefree than I have in a long time, but for whatever reason, something stops me.

“I remember you when we were kids and played soccer—you seemed pretty happy then.”

I smile. He clearly has a better memory than me. “That was before my dad left.”

“And that’s why you’re so close to Sophie and Jessie? Because you trust them?”

I nod. “Yeah. I’ve known Sophie forever, and we met Jessie just after my dad left, just after the counseling sessions started working.” I grin at Chase. “I know you’re not Jessie’s biggest fan, but he is a good friend.”

He doesn’t say anything to that, just stares at me intently like he’s taking everything in. “My mom and dad are away all the time,” he tells me. “Away on business, traveling, visiting friends. They’re almost never at home, they just show up for a couple of days every few weeks before they go off again. They’d rather pay someone to check in with me than actually parent me themselves. I get the occasional email or text asking what I’m doing but that’s about it.” He smiles sadly. “That’s why Rosie is so protective. She acts like my mom because ours is so shitty.”

I look into his eyes and he looks so genuine that I want to hug him. Not only is he not making light of my situation with my dad, he’s sharing his family situation with me, making me feel better and not letting me be the only one who’s exposed.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him.

“I’m sorry too,” he replies.

I shrug and force myself to smile. “If my dad hadn’t left then my mom never would have met Ray and Scotty wouldn’t be here.” It’s true and I know that, and I can’t imagine life without Scotty, but I still wish my dad were around. I still wish he loved me.

“What’s Scotty like?”