The Secret of Ella and Micha(38)

He looks at me with that stupid arrogant expression he gets when I admit he's right. "Well, there you have it then."

"She's nice," I protest. "And she doesn't ask a lot of questions."

"It may seem like you need to keep things to yourself," he says, putting a blanket into a box. "But it's not healthy. You need to find someone you can let it all out to. Otherwise you're going to lose it."

My eyes roam to the window where the edge of Micha's house is visible. "I think I already did."

Dean's forehead creases as he drops a handful of guitar picks into a trunk. "Lose it? Or talk to someone about it?"

"Both." I back toward the door. "When are you heading back to Chicago?"

"Hopefully by tonight. No offense or anything, but this place brings back way too many unpleasant memories."

"Try to say good-bye before you leave."

He doesn't respond and I don't wait around for an answer. That was probably the longest conversation that we've ever had and I have a feeling it may be our last for a very long time.




Micha

"Dude, where the f*ck is your head today?" Ethan asks and seconds later a grease rag hits me in the face.

I throw it back at him, hard. "You're starting to piss me off with this crap."

Ethan widens his eyes exaggeratedly. "Whatever man. You've been so distracted for the last two days." He sticks his head back under the hood. "And I'm not going to say why."

"Good, because I don't want to hear it." I round the back of my car and eye over the tools on the wall of the garage. I grab a rusty toolbox, one of the few things my dad left behind, and toss it into the garbage can. He called again this morning, begging on the answering machine for either my mom or I to pick up.

Ethan raises his head up and eyes the garbage can. "Wanna explain what that was for?"

"Nope." I pick up a wrench and start working on the car.

We work on it for a while, but it's hot and I'm getting more pissed off at my dad by the second. Finally, I move back and throw the wrench down onto the concrete. Ethan doesn't ask questions this time.

"We should have a party tonight," I announce, unable to hold still. "A big one, like the one we had on graduation night."

"You really want to relive that night?" Ethan backs out from under the hood. "Because I'm not sure I do."

I step outside into the sunlight, determined to get my mind off stuff. "What you can't remember doesn't hurt, right?"

"I don't think you want to go there." Ethan walks next to me and we stare down the driveway at an old guy pushing a shopping cart. "There are plenty of times in my life I wish I could remember - that I'd give anything to remember - but I can't. I lost like a year of my life. It's better to stay within the boundaries of a semi-clear head. Besides, this doesn't sound like you at all. What's up?"

"Nothing's up." I sigh, raking my fingers through my hair. "I'm just thinking out loud."

Ethan returns to the garage and starts working on the engine again. Around sophomore year, he started hanging out with these kids at school, who had really heavy views on the world and liked to sit around and get high while they talked about it. Ethan somehow ended up being friends with them, and within a month, he had dropped out of school and got into some pretty heavy shit.

A year later he made the decision to get some help. He cleaned up his life, cut the habits, and worked the hell out of himself to catch up in school. He was a grade behind, but managed to graduate with our year. Looking at him, you wouldn't guess.

The side door of Ella's house swings open and Lila steps out. She looks upset, although not as bad as she did last night. She glances up the driveway at the house across the street, where there's a very loud game of tackle football going on in the front yard. Her eyes roam to my house and then widen when she sees that I'm watching her.

She gives a tentative wave from the top step. "Hey, Micha."

"What's up?" I say with a nod of my chin. "Is Ella up yet?"

Shielding her blue eyes from the sun, she looks up at Ella's window. "Yeah, she said she'd be out in a second. She's just talking to her brother."

"He's not being a dick, is he?"

"I'm not sure what constitutes as a brother being a dick, since I don't have one." A smile cracks at her lips.

I walk toward the fence, pulling up my jeans that are riding low on my hips. "There's no yelling going on?"

Lila shakes her head and meets me at the fence, plucking some of her blonde hair away from her mouth. "But Ella's not much of a yeller, is she?"

I rest my arms on the top of the fence. "It depends on which one we're talking about."

Her face falls. "How could I know her for eight freaking months and not know anything about her. It must say something about me, right?"

I feel bad for her. "I think Ella kind of made it her mission to keep who she was hidden from you. It's not your fault."

She eyes me over with this suspicious look. "Honestly, it seems like she's that way with everyone, except for you."

"We've known each other forever," I say. "We have a comfortable relationship."