The Secret of Ella and Micha(34)

"How did you know I was here?"

"I saw you leave with your sketchpad and head this way, so I came up to check on you."

I take a tentative step forward. "How long have you been sitting here?"

He slides off the hood and puts his phone away. "For a while, but I didn't want to disturb you. You looked too peaceful."

I press my lips together and stare at him, craving to sketch him like I used to. He would sit on my bed and it was like he owned my hand. "Look, about the other night, I think - "

He strides across the grass toward me, moving so impulsively that there's no time to react as his finger covers my lips. "Just let it be for a while, okay?"

Uncertain of his exact meaning, I nod anyway.

He lets his finger fall from my lips, trailing a line down my chest, finally pulling away at the bottom of my stomach. "You want a ride home?" His voice comes out ragged.

I glance at the grey sky and the birds flying across it. "That would be nice. Thank you."

Micha

She's preoccupied during the drive and so am I. I was so pissed off about my father that I got into the car about to do something reckless, however, then I saw Ella wandering down the street, and I followed her. The way she walked was very entertaining, her auburn hair blowing in the wind, and the way she swayed her ass in the short denim shorts she was wearing. It calmed me down watching her sit up on the hill and draw, but I can't stop thinking about the phone conversation.

"We should go somewhere," I announce when we drive onto the main road.

Ella jolts in her seat and turns away from the window. "I should probably go home."

"Come on." I pout, hoping it'll win her over. "Just come with me somewhere and we can relax."

She's tempted. "Where exactly?"

I turn the volume of the stereo down and let my arm rest on the top of the steering wheel. "To our spot by the lake."

"But it takes forever to get there." Her eyes rise to the dark sky. "And it's getting late."

"Since when have you been afraid of the dark?"

"It's not the dark I'm afraid of."

I sigh and downshift. "Come on, just you and me. We don't even have to talk. We can just sit in silence."

"Fine," she surrenders, tossing her sketchpad into the backseat. "Just as long as you don't ask me questions."

I hold up my hand innocently. "Scouts honor. I'll keep my questions to myself."

Her eyes narrow. "I know you've never been in the scouts before."

I laugh, feeling the pressure lift from my chest. "It doesn't matter. I'll keep my questions to myself, but with everything else, all bets are off."

She pretends to have an itch on her nose, but really it's to obscure her smile and it makes me smile myself.

***

Its pitch black by the time we reach our spot on the shore that's secluded by tall trees. The moon reflects against the water and the night air is a little chilly. I get my jacket out of the trunk and offer it to Ella, knowing she's cold because of the goosebumps on her arms and the way her nipples are poking through her shirt.

She slips the jacket on and zips it up, covering up her perky nipples. I sigh, hop onto the hood, and open my arms for her to join me. Hesitantly, she climbs onto the hood, but stays at the front, with her feet propped up on the bumper, gazing out at the water.

I scoot down by her and keep my knees up, resting my elbows on them. "What are you thinking about?"

Her eyes are huge in the moonlight. "Death."

"What about death?" I wonder if we're finally going to go back to that night.

"That Grady's going to die," she whispers softly. "And there's nothing I can do about it."

I brush her hair back from her forehead. "You need to stop worrying about everything that can't be controlled."

She sighs and leans away from my hand. "That's just it, though. It's all I can think about anymore. It's like this fixation I have no control over which makes no sense because I'm fixated on controlling the uncontrollable." She's breathing wildly.

Shit. I need to calm her down.

"Hey, come here." I loop my arms around her waist and lie her down on the windshield with me. She rests her head on my chest and I play with her hair, breathing in her vanilla scent. "Do you remember when you decided that it would be a good idea if you climbed up the scaffolding in the gym?"

"I wanted to prove to Gary Bennitt that I was as tough as the boys." She buries her face into my shirt, ashamed. "Why do you remember everything?"

"How could I forget that? You scared the hell out of me when you fell. Yet, somehow you managed to land on the board just below it."

"I thought I was going to die," she murmurs. "I was so stupid."

"You weren't stupid, you just saw life at a different angle," I say. "I've always envied you for it. Like when you used to dance in a room where no one was dancing or how you stuck up for people. But there was always that wall you put up. You would never let anyone completely through."

She's soundless for a while and I expect for her to push me away. But she sits up and hovers over me, her hair veiling our faces. Her breath is ragged, like she's terrified out of her mind.