The Randy Romance Novelist(34)



Henry, the amazing boyfriend he is, paid for all the penises and didn’t even glance my way when I held out my card. It’s so stupid, but to have someone take care of me, to watch over me and do kind things like pay for my best friend’s penis party, makes my heart beat just a little faster. Clearly, I don’t love Henry for his money, but the gesture was just sweet in itself. He made me feel cherished, worshipped, taken care of; it was a foreign feeling to me, one I never wanted to lose.

“Pizza?” Henry asked, walking next to me toward the pizza shop down the block.

“Yes, please!” I glanced over at him. His arms were full of bags, and sandwiched between his arm and thigh was the giant penis pi?ata. I couldn’t help but giggle as we walked down the eccentric streets of New York City, giant penis in hand, and a bag of dicks dangling from our fingers.

“Nice dick!” a man called out from a passing taxi, followed by laughter.

Henry shook his head. “You owe me for this, Rosie.”

“Why? That penis suits you.”

“Does it? I didn’t know a papier maché penis was something that could suit someone.”

“If anyone can pull it off, it’s you, hot stuff,” I replied, giving him a giant smile and loving the way his eyes sparkled whenever he looked at me.

“You still owe me,” he winked, sending a chill up my spine, a really good chill.





Chapter Eight


Deli Meat



HENRY




Eight at night, it was eight at night, and I was still in the office. It was a long-ass day already, given that Rosie decided to spend a good portion of last night straddling me in every direction she could conceive—no pun intended. Then, this morning, she just had to suck me off in the shower. I’m not complaining, I’m just . . . nervous.

I’ve never had this much sex in my entire life, and I’m f*cking terrified as shit that one time I won’t be able to get it up. Then what? I go down in history as one of those men, one who can have a sexy as f*ck woman in front of them and not spring a chub? Fuck, I never want to be that man, especially since Rosie is my girl. She is so f*cking perfect that not being able to get it up around her would be devastating. If she couldn’t do it, then who the f*ck could?

Sweat started to tickle the back of my neck from the mere thought of it, and I wasn’t even around her or even in a sexual kind of space. Christ, the woman’s libido was starting to attack me at work now.

After this morning, I made a mental note to talk to Derk about Rosie. Her little scene last night in the adult toy store was a little concerning. Actually, it was very concerning. She was so hot and cold, so damn emotional and horny I honestly didn’t know what to do. At one point, I felt like protecting my balls, because the look in her eyes made me believe she was about to deep throat them in the middle of the dildo and elephant condom section. I needed some advice on how to calm down my overly emotional girlfriend.

“You going to have those drafts on my desk by tomorrow morning?” Eric asked, peeking his head over my cube walls.

I perked up and tried not to show the sleep that wanted to invade my senses. “Yup. I sent mock-ups to the design team this morning; should have them ready for tomorrow. Just working on my proposal now.”

“Good,” Eric praised. “First round of edits will start tomorrow, but I like what you have so far.”

I nodded at Tasha’s cube. “And what about Tasha? How’s she doing?”

Eric stepped into my cube and placed his hands in his pockets as he leaned forward to speak quietly. “The girl knows her condoms, that’s for damn sure. She has good ideas, Henry.”

Fuck, that was not what I wanted to hear. I knew she was going to be knowledgeable in the condom department, but to be able to put together a campaign that was eye-catching, that surprised me.

“Really? I’m still kind of shocked she’s here. In college, she showed no ounce of aptitude for advertising. I really don’t know how she’s gotten this far in her career.”

“I know; they’re stacked on her chest.”

Eric was probably the most professional man I knew, so to hear him make a comment about a woman’s breasts in the workplace was shocking. It just showed me how annoyed he was over the entire situation.

Insecurity washed over me as I asked, “Think I have a shot?”

The man was a good boss because instead of making fun of me, he gripped my shoulder and looked me dead in the eyes. “I wouldn’t put my stamp of approval on you if I didn’t think you had a shot. You’re a smart man, Henry, and a hard worker. I see great things in your future; we just have to make sure we get you there. Let’s kill it with these drafts tomorrow, okay?”

He patted me on the shoulder and then took off.

And then there were two.

From a few cubes down, I could see the desk light streaming from Tasha’s space. I desperately wanted to see what she was working on, but I wasn’t about to ask her; that would show weakness, and that was the last thing I wanted to do right about now. Instead, I turned to my proposal and read through it again, looking for any mistakes and any places I needed to embellish a little bit more.

The hum of the air conditioner was the only sound filling the silent office space except for the occasional tap of computer keys. The cleaning crew had already been through the building, apparently they came earlier than I expected, and all the lights except a few were turned off. It was almost eerie being in a skyscraper at night.

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