The Lies That Bind(67)

“I know…but still. Just seems odd.”

He nods. “I’ve known her forever, but I really don’t know her that well….She’s a nice girl—but maybe not the sharpest tool in the shed.”

“She went to Stanford,” I say.

“Yeah. But as a legacy. Her dad went there. And he’s loaded. I’m pretty sure he donated a few million dollars to the school….And anyway, I’m not really talking about her IQ or book smarts…or even her street smarts…because she clearly runs a great business.”

“What are you talking about, then?”

“I mean—not everyone is as complicated as you are,” he says with a funny look.

“Complicated?” I say. “That doesn’t sound like a compliment.”

“Okay. How about…deep?”

“I’m deep?” I say.

“Hell yeah, you’re deep,” he says with a laugh. “Sometimes too deep.”

“What does that mean?”

He pauses. “Well, for example, I think you’d like your job more if you just embraced the bullshit stories. Chase them down, get the juice, write the piece, play the game.”

I nod, as Jasmine has told me this before, too.

“And,” he says with a hint of a smile. “I think you’d like me more, too.”

I feel myself tense up, even as I tell him not to be ridiculous.

    “I’m serious,” he says. “Sometimes I worry that I’m not enough for you…or that you just don’t seem completely happy about getting married.”

“Stop it,” I say. “I’m very happy to be marrying you.”

It’s the truth, but somehow my words sound flat. He stares at me, looking sad, like he hears that something seems off, too.

“It’s all just a lot to digest,” I say. “Our breakup. Then September eleventh…Then getting back together…and getting engaged right away…and now this. This human inside me.” I put both my hands on my stomach, one on top of the other.

“So…do you want to slow down?” he says.

“We can’t slow down.”

“Not with the baby. But we can with the wedding.”

“That’s just it, Matthew. The wedding is really beside the point when you’re talking about this…life,” I say.

Life and death, I think to myself, now picturing Grant and fighting back sudden tears.

“Oh, Cess,” Matthew says, his arms around me. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” I say. “It’s not your fault. You’re wonderful. The best. It’s all just…a little overwhelming.”

“I know, baby,” he says, something he’s never, ever called me. He’s used honey and sweetie and so many other terms of endearment. But not baby. Not what Grant called me.

I pull away from him, wipe the tears from my face, and tell myself to get it together. That I need to stop being so self-indulgent. After all, the only baby that matters now is the one I’m carrying.

“Oh, jeez. I need to get a grip here,” I say. “And just embrace it. All of it. It’s not what we planned—at least it’s not how we planned it—but that’s okay.”

He nods, looking hopeful. “Exactly.”

“And one day we’ll look back on all of this fondly…wondering what we were so worried about.”

    “Exactly,” he says again. “It will all work out.”

I nod.

“So, seriously, what do you think of Amy’s idea? We just get this show on the road and get married in January?”

I hesitate, then shrug and say, “Sure. If that’s what you want to do.”

“I think our parents would be happier this way,” he says.

“I can’t disagree with that.”

“So we let Amy help us? And get married in the city?”

“A winter wedding would be beautiful,” I say with a forced smile.

“So that’s a yes?” he says.

I nod, as my fake smile turns into a real one. “That’s a yes,” I say.

Matthew laughs and says, “And we’ll kick it all off with an engagement party, where you’ll look so beautiful in your new dress.” He winks at me.

“What new dress?” I say.

“Don’t get mad…but while you were napping, Amy called the store. I gave them my card, and she went to pick it up. The dress is yours.”

Still smiling, I thank him, then give him a big hug. “You really shouldn’t have done that…but I can’t wait to wear it. I’ve never had a dress this nice,” I say, thinking that I’ve never been with a guy this nice, either.





The two weeks leading up to our engagement party are relatively calm, both in the news and in my personal life, thank goodness.

I report on the New York City Marathon; the release of Britney Spears’s new album; the opening of a 3,500-square-foot Swiss Army flagship store in SoHo; Michael Bloomberg’s mayoral upset over Democrat Mark Green; and the New York Lottery paying Barenaked Ladies eighty thousand dollars for the rights to use their song “If I Had a Million Dollars” in ads.