The Lies That Bind(66)

He doesn’t get the hint, though, saying, “But I mean what do you think about pushing the date up?”

“Um, well, it’s definitely a thought. But I really don’t want to show in my dress,” I say, then quickly clarify. “I mean—I’m not trying to keep it a secret, obviously. But I also don’t want to wear a maternity gown.”

“I get that. But with a first pregnancy, you won’t show for months,” Amy says, which now makes two people who aren’t getting the hint. “And we could pick a style that works for you….For example—and not to talk dresses in front of Matthew—I just saw the most gorgeous empire waist gown at Vera Wang….Something like that would be so incredible on you.”

“Don’t worry,” Matthew says. “I have no idea what an empire waist is.”

Amy continues to stare at me, clearly awaiting some kind of an answer.

“Maybe,” I say, my smile now so stiff that I feel as if my face might break. “But my friend Scottie would kill me if I went wedding dress shopping without him.”

    “But isn’t Scottie coming in for the party?” Matthew says.

I nod, then shoot him a look to stop.

He misses it, continuing, “And so’s your mother. You could all go together.”

I nod, my face frozen, and say, “We sure could.”

“And I don’t have to go with you,” Amy says, finally seeming to pick up on some kind of vibe. “I didn’t mean to be presumptuous.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” I say, feeling bad now. “I’d love for you to go with us. Today was a lot of fun.” I turn to Matthew and explain. “Amy and I went dress shopping for a little bit after brunch…for the party….You know she’s a stylist.”

Matthew nods and smiles.

“She’s amazing,” I add.

Amy shakes her head. “No. She’s just easy to shop for. You should have seen the dress she tried on. It was perfect.”

“Perfect except for the price,” I say.

“If you love it, you should get it,” he says to me.

“She really should. Or maybe her fiancé should buy it for her.” She winks at him and says, “Might as well get in practice now.”

“That’s not necessary,” I say. I know she’s trying to be helpful, but I don’t like the way they’re talking about me as if I’m not there, and I can’t help feeling sensitive to the differences in our finances and any insinuation that I will be a kept woman.

“I’d be happy to get her the dress,” Matthew says, still looking at Amy.

“Yoo-hoo, I’m right here, guys!” I say, my voice firmer and louder this time, as I do an exaggerated wave in front of Matthew’s face. “And you’re not buying me that dress.”

“Okay, okay,” Matthew says, but a second later I catch him exchanging a knowing glance with Amy before returning to the subject of wedding venues, half of which I’ve never heard of.

Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, I announce that I’m going to go lie down in Matthew’s room.

    “Oh, I should go now, too,” Amy says, but doesn’t move.

“No, no, stay,” I say, suddenly just wanting to be alone.

“Okay,” she says with a light shrug. “We’ll just do a little more wedding planning then.”

“Sounds great,” I say, forcing a smile. “Thank you again, Amy. For everything.”





I’m not sure how long Amy stays, but the next thing I know, Matthew is standing over me, asking if I’m hungry.

“What time is it?” I say, squinting up at him.

“Almost seven. You’ve been out cold. How are you feeling?”

I tell him I feel fine, and that I’ll probably just head home and get something to eat there. “I have some work I have to finish,” I add.

“Are you upset with me?”

“No. Why would I be upset with you?”

“I don’t know…you just seem…terse. You did with Amy, too. Was she getting on your nerves?”

“No. Not really,” I say, now sitting up and stretching. “I just…It was a lot, to start talking about the wedding and the dress and all of that.”

“I get that,” he says. “I think she’s just trying to be nice.”

“I know,” I say. “And I appreciate it. But I just…I can’t do it right now.”

He furrows his brow and stares at me for a few seconds before saying, “Can’t do what?”

“I don’t know. All the wedding talk…It was just starting to feel…a little frivolous or something.”

He stares at me, nodding.

    “And doesn’t it strike you as a little odd that Amy just lost her husband, yet can be so excited about planning our wedding?”

Matthew shrugs and says, “Yeah. Maybe a little.”

“I think I’d be curled up in a fetal position sobbing,” I say, part of me suddenly resenting her—while another part of me hates only myself for judging her kindness toward us.

“I don’t know, Cecily,” he says. “I think people react to grief in different ways.”