The Lie(86)

“That’s true,” I concede.

“I assumed it’s because you miss me,” Kayla says.

“Also true,” I tell her with a quick smile. “But actually…I have some news. And it’s not exactly good news either.”

“Oh my god,” my mum gasps, hand going to her chest. “You and Natasha broke up.”

I tilt my head, considering it. “That is part of it.”

Lachlan gives me a heavy look. “I’m so sorry,” he says and I can see how much he means it.

I wince. “Well, the thing is. Okay, this is going to be weird to hear and I know I should have told you all this a very, very long time ago. It’s just that I was too afraid that you wouldn’t understand, that you would judge.”

“We would never judge you, Brigs,” my mother says.

“Even I wouldn’t,” Kayla adds.

I sigh. “Okay. Here goes. I met Natasha the summer before Miranda died. We met, as we’ve told you, at the short film festival office. But it didn’t end there. There was something so…enigmatic about her, she drew me in like gravity and it was something I’d never ever felt before. I was a fool and I was lonely and I wanted that around me. So I invited Natasha to become my research assistant for my book.” I pause. “And she accepted.” I look around and everyone is still staring at me, though I think Kayla is catching on from the sly look in her eyes.

I clear the dust from my throat and push on. “So we worked together almost every day that summer. And I…I fell in love with her.” I expect my mum to gasp but still…silence. I can hear the fridge kick on in the kitchen. “And she fell in love with me. I never slept with her. I was as faithful to Miranda as possible but the truth was I didn’t love her and I’m not sure I ever really did. Not even close to the way that I felt – that I still feel – for Natasha. I had an emotional affair and it was wrong. The both of us knew it. And I especially knew I had to leave Miranda.”

I suck in my breath and close my eyes, hoping it makes the next part easier. “So, I told Miranda one night. It was the wrong night for honesty. I told her I wanted a divorce and when she refused, I told her the truth, that I was in love with someone else. She panicked. She was drunk. Beyond angry. All understandable. There were so many things I should have done in hindsight but I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I didn’t expect her to grab Hamish and then get in the car and drive…”

Now my mother is gasping. I look up to see everyone staring at me, their faces pained. Even Kayla has watery eyes.

“You know the rest of that night,” I tell them quickly. “We don’t need to go over it again. But right afterward, in my depths of grief and guilt, I told Natasha what happened. I told her it was our fault and that we did this and I ended it with her because I had no choice. I loved her, so dearly, but how could I keep loving the person that brought my world to a standstill? So I never saw Natasha again…until last month.”

“Jesus, Brigs,” my father says and he rarely swears. He shakes his head, taking off his glasses. “That’s more than anyone should have to go through. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because you wouldn’t have understood.”

“They would have,” Lachlan says gruffly. “We all would have.”

“Brigs, you’re our son, just as Lachlan is,” says my mother, her voice grave. “You’re family and we love you. We would have never judged you. And we don’t judge you now. To think all this time you were blaming yourself for what happened.”

“It explains so much,” my father adds with a sigh.

“You’re not a bad person just because you fell in love with someone else,” Kayla says, staring at me with rare sincerity in her dark eyes. “You’re just human. Like the rest of us.”

Well I can’t say that my heart doesn’t feel warm from hearing them say this but that’s still not the problem at hand.

Lachlan picks up on this, saying, “So why have you broken up?”

I exhale loudly. “Where do I begin? One of Natasha’s friends, Melissa, a student of mine this year, has it in for us. For Natasha especially. She knows we’re seeing each other and is threatening to report me.”

“Report you for what?” Kayla asks. “You’re not Natasha’s teacher.”

“No, I’m not. And even next year, we would make sure not to be in each other’s class. But this girl can do some real damage. She’s been hitting on me, trying to mess with me obviously, give her some ammo, and of course I’ve been trying to be as professional as possible, constantly shooting her down. But she’s fragile. No, she’s a f*cking loon. And now she wants us to suffer. So she threatened the both of us and told Natasha that if she doesn’t leave me, she’ll get me fired from my job. Who knows the lies she can make up.”

“And so she left you,” my mum says with disbelief.

I nod. “Aye. She did. She didn’t want me to lose my job. She thinks she’s doing the right thing but she’s not.”

“She’s trying to save you,” Kayla says quietly.

“I know. But she can’t save me by losing me. It might work sometimes but not this time.”

My dad clears his throat. “It’s honorable of her,” he says. “But I can tell you’re not going to accept it. You do have a very rare teaching position, though, and that’s something to consider. That doesn’t come around every day.”