The Lie(84)

“Don’t,” she whispers. She pulls away and nods at the door. “I need to talk to you in there.”

I swallow hard. My chest grows heavier.

We go inside my office and I lock the door behind us. I immediately pull her into my arms, holding her tight to me. “Fuck. Tell me what happened.”

She hesitates and then puts her arms around my waist, leaning her cheek against my chest. I can feel her heart beating against me, wild and crazed.

She takes in a deep, shaking breath. “We have to end it, Brigs.”

Unease floods my chest.

“End what? What are you talking about?”

She sniffs and pulls back to look up at me. Her sweet face is torn with anguish, eyes brimming with tears “I tried to talk to her. I really did. She’s…she’s on a power trip. She’s just…she wants me to suffer, Brigs. She thinks it’s all about what’s fair in the world. She says what we are isn’t right…”

“Natasha,” I say sharply, holding her tight. “You’re smart enough to know what’s right and wrong. What we are is right. You know that.”

“I know,” she says softly, a tear spilling down. “I know she’s wrong but it’s what she believes. She says I have to choose – I can either break up with you and be miserable like she is or I can stay with you and she’ll make sure you lose your job.”

I can’t even comprehend this. The only thing I can comprehend is the amount of dread filling me, thick, heavy and sour. “That’s ridiculous. Why? Why?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know, she’s crazy. She’s…a…a…cunt. A cuntosaurus.”

I would normally laugh at that but there’s absolutely nothing funny about what Natasha is saying. “Listen to me,” I tell her. “If she won’t listen to reason, fine. But I’m not letting you go. That’s not an option.”

“Is losing your job an option?” she pleads.

“I won’t lose my job.”

“She said she’ll make sure of it.”

“Then I’ll fight it,” I tell her, getting angry.

“She’ll make sure you lose.”

“Then I’ll resign,” I say without even a thought. “I’ll quit the school before she can do anything.”

“You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will,” I tell her, peering into her eyes, trying to get her to understand. “It’s a job and it’s my career and I love it. I’ve worked hard for it. But in the end, it’s not who I am. It’s just a job and I can always get another one. You, on the other hand, there is no other you. My job doesn’t define me but you do, Natasha. Your heart defines mine.”

The tears are rolling down her cheek now and I try to kiss them away. She turns her head, shaking it.

“I can’t let you do that. I would rather quit school first.”

“No,” I say to her harshly. “You are not doing that. Think realistically here.”

“I am!” she cries out, pulling out of my arms. “We have to break up.”

A chill rushes over me in a sickening rush. “Natasha,” I warn her.

“I’m being realistic,” she says. “I’m trying to not be selfish for once in my life.”

“You’re just being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn,” I tell her.

“Fuck you,” she sneers. I flinch. It’s like a slap in the face. “Do you think I have an option here? Do you think I want this? Please, Brigs, you have to know me by now that I’m not being stubborn. This is the only way.”

But it isn’t, it isn’t.

“I’m resigning,” I tell her simply. “That’s all there is to it.”

I don’t even panic at the thought. It feels right, just as she feels right. It will be hard and I’m sure I’ll get a lot of hell for it. People won’t understand. It might make getting a new job harder but I will do it for her. At the very least, it will end the sneaking around. We can be together as we should. Free, for once in our lives.

“You’re not resigning,” she says, her voice becoming hard. Her eyes are dark and gleaming. “I won’t let you. And I won’t have that guilt on my head. I’ve had too much already. You’re keeping your job.”

“But then I’m losing you. How is that not going to f*cking kill me?!” I yell. My face is burning, lungs so bloody tight.

“It’s the right thing,” she cries out. “And it’s the only thing. I’m sorry.”

I blink at her. Unbelievable. I honestly can’t believe this is happening.

“Natasha. Please. You’ll ruin me. Don’t do this,” I say softly, voice breaking in desperation. I grab her hand, squeezing it, trying to make her see. “Don’t end this. It isn’t fair.”

She watches me and I watch her and she’s being ripped apart just as I am. “I know it isn’t fair, Brigs. None of this is fair. But I’ve already caused you to lose everything good in your life. I’m not going to do it again.”

“But you’re everything good.” My jaw is clenches, my skin inflamed, trying to hold it together.

“Yeah, well,” she says, pulling out of my grasp. “Maybe I’m not.”