The Feel Good Factor(64)

That’s the chance I can’t let slip away.

I look at the time on my phone. “I wonder if we can make it to the kissing contest in time.”

Vanessa and Arden turn into synchronized friends. “Yes, we can,” they say together.





37





Derek





I don’t need ten things. All I need is one thing. A way to Perri. And Jodie gives it to me straight when I wake up that afternoon.

“The way I see it is this,” she tells me as I swing my feet over the edge of the bed. “You love her. She clearly has feelings for you. The worst that’ll happen if you tell her is that she’ll kick you out.”

“And then what do I do?”

“You come back here. You sleep on the couch again until you find another place.”

I soak in her advice, letting it roll around, considering the implications. Really, when it comes down to it, that’s not the worst. It’s not what I want, but I’ll be able to deal. It’ll be no worse than where we’re at now.

“It’s that simple?” I say.

She nods. “It’s that simple. Besides, you’re only trying to protect your heart after it was broken. And guess what? Your heart doesn’t have any protection. There is no armor for it once you’ve let someone in. And she’s in, Derek, isn’t she?”

I scrub a hand over the back of my neck, noodling on her words. Perri isn’t just in. She’s everywhere—she’s in my bones, she’s in my heart, she’s in my mind. “You’re right.”

“You have feelings for her. Deep and real and true feelings. You can either deny them or you can give them a chance to breathe and grow. See what happens.”

Maybe I have been clutching tight to the idea of being uncommitted ever since my last commitment went belly-up, using my single status as a shield from getting hurt again. Because I’d be a liar to say the last time didn’t smart.

But that’s what happens when you open your heart. You take the chance that you could bleed, and bleed out. As I think back on the last few weeks with Perri, the nights we’ve shared, the times we’ve had, the reality is I’m already all in. I’ve opened my heart to her. The only thing left is to open my mouth and tell her the full truth.

Let the chips fall where they may.

“What do I do? Head home and say, ‘Hey Officer Keating, guess what? I’m totally in love with you. Do you want me to move out of the garage and into your bedroom?’”

Jodie laughs. “Why don’t you try something a little bigger?”

“Like what?”

She taps her temple, a sneaky smile stealing across her lips. “If memory serves, the two of you were going to do some kind of kissing contest tonight. Seems like maybe that’s where you ought to be sharing how you feel for this woman.”

We put our heads together, and we figure out the way to do it. Then, in the middle of our plotting, Perri calls.

I tense as I answer, hoping to hear something good on the other end of the line.





38





Perri





The blackboard. That’s it. That’s the answer.

My kitchen has been the nexus of our relationship, from the cooking to the late-night encounters to the blackboard.

“The thing is, I need to make sure he’ll see the blackboard, and I’m not sure if he’s home,” I say to Vanessa as she drives. “Plus, if he’s home, I’ll have to slip in.”

Arden waggles her phone. “Hello? It’s called a phone. You use it to call him and tell him to check out the blackboard.”

“Gee, thanks. I hadn’t thought of calling him.”

But truth be told, I hadn’t. Derek and I have never been a phone couple. Or a texting one, for that matter. Our connection ignited when I pulled him over, and it sparked and sizzled in person, at the farmers market, in the waffle truck, and then in our home.

I don’t think we’ve ever once dirty-texted each other. Or flirty-texted each other. We haven’t needed to. But now I desperately need to tell him something, so I dial his number.

He answers on the first ring. “Hey, you.” His voice, and his almost term of endearment, hooks into me.

“There’s something in the kitchen for you. Or rather, there’s going to be shortly. Any chance you’ll be home soon?”

“I can be home in fifteen.”

I glance at the GPS in Vanessa’s car. “Make it thirty.”

“Thirty it is.” He sounds hopeful.

I feel hopeful. “Bye, Derek.”

Hanging up, I tap my foot against the floor of the car, willing Vanessa to go faster while, of course, obeying the speed limit.

Soon enough, we arrive at my house. I run to the back door and dart inside while Vanessa keeps watch in the driveway. I grab the chalkboard and leave a message.

I don’t want to text him my invitation.

I don’t want to discuss tonight on the phone.

I want to give him my truth and see if he’ll receive it.

Grabbing some clothes, I fly out of the house, slide back into Vanessa’s car, and head for her place. I get ready in a flurry, taking a quick shower, pulling on jeans and heels, sliding into a green top, and blow-drying my hair. A little makeup, mascara, and pink gloss complete the look. My heart hammers at rocket speed, and I take several breaths to calm myself.