The Drake Unwound Complete Collection (The Drake Series Book 9)(68)

I was incredibly jealous of Kurt.

"That's exactly why you should have told me right away. I would have been upset. I would have been very jealous and hurt. But we would have discussed it, you could have reassured me that what happened with Kurt was nothing, and now, instead of me having you over my lap, ready for a spanking, you'd be massaging me like my favorite slave girl and then we'd be making love."


"You don't have to spank me,” she said, her voice still petulant. “It's your choice."

"You took away my choice when you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth right away. It's because I've been too free with you, letting you get away with too much. Not disciplining you when you broke the rules because I enjoy you too much. Now, I have to reassert myself, reestablish my dominance. I have to punish you, Katherine."

"You don't need to reestablish anything,” she protested. “You don't need D/s to keep me at arm's length. We've been so happy. We don't need an agreement."

"We do. I do," I said, exasperated. "I'm a Dominant, Katherine. I was when you met me. I am now. I need an agreement to keep myself in control. I loosened my control because of you, I opened up and let you in, and this is what happened. Now, I have no choice."

She craned her neck around. "Did you hear what you said? You confirmed that you use D/s to keep people out of your life. You let me in. Don't shut me out now. I'm not just one of your subs."

I shook my head. "I have no choice."

I didn’t. I had to wait for her to submit and accept my dominance or she’d be testing me endlessly. She wouldn’t truly believe I was strong enough to control myself or her.

Finally, her body went limp. She didn’t say anything. She waited.

That was the signal that finally, she’d given in and accepted that I would do what I would do and she’d have to take it. I stroked my hand over her ass, filled with such love for her at that moment, I couldn’t believe my luck at finding and winning her.

Then I knew I couldn’t punish her. I couldn’t spank her. I wouldn’t hurt her, even if that was in our agreement. I removed my leg from across hers and released her. She scrambled up and stood in front of me, her expression shocked.

I got up and went to the chair where my clothes were folded and got dressed. She followed me when I went to the hall closet and took out my coat.

"What are you doing?"

I slipped on my coat and boots, not meeting her eyes, needing to escape the situation, take some time to think it through.

"Drake," she said, her voice panicked. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know what to do any longer," I said, fatigue overtaking me. "No matter what I do, it'll be wrong. If I spank you, you'll hate me. If I don't, you'll think I'm weak and despise me. I can't win." I went to the door and opened it. "So, I'm going out."

"Where?"

"I don't know."

I left, my body feeling wooden, my muscles tense, my mind in turmoil. She followed me to the elevator.

"Don't go," she said, reaching out for me. "Not now. Not like this. We have to figure this out."

I avoided her hand, knowing that if she touched me, I’d give in. "I don't know what to do," I said, shaking my head, completely defeated. "Don't follow me."

The elevator doors closed.

I was alone.





CHAPTER THREE



I got in the car and drove to the only place I felt comfortable – 8th Avenue. As I drove though the streets of Manhattan, I thought about the apartment. It was my old place from when I first moved to New York. It had been my father’s apartment at one time, and was filled with memories of him.

It was our place – Kate’s and my place where we first explored each other. Where I first tied her hands and she knew what it felt like to be helpless and under my complete control.

I parked and walked to the old brownstone, glad to see the dried up, brown ivy creeping up the fa?ade. In the spring, the window boxes would be filled with flowers. When Kate and I returned from Africa, if we did go, we would move in there if I had a say in it.

I went inside and sat in the living room surrounded by my father’s boxes and furniture from his place. At that moment, I felt completely at a loss. What was the right thing to do with Kate?

I honestly didn’t know anymore.

My cell chimed. I removed it from my pocket and checked my messages.

It was from Kate.



Drake, please, come back. I can't stand this. I admitted I was wrong, and that I should have told you right away. I promise that from now on, I will tell you everything right away and be completely honest with you. I need you. I want only you…



I sent her a single line:



I'm staying at 8th Avenue for the night.



She texted me back right away.



Please don't do this. I can't stand not having you beside me.



I responded after thinking what to write for a few moments:



I need time alone to figure this out. Don't come here.



She wouldn’t give up.



Drake, there's nothing to figure out. If you stay away now, you'll put a wall up between us. Don't. We might never be able to break it down and we'll become strangers. Please come back home now and let's see this through tonight. I can't imagine not being with you. I can't imagine not being able to reach out and touch you.