Tell Me You Need Me (Search and Seduce #1)(39)

“Tell me what’s going on,” he said.

She tugged on her shoes.

“Chloe,” he snapped. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

She looked at the ground and shook her head. “I like you so much.” She dared a glance at him.

He smiled. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”

“That’s just it,” she said. “I don’t want to like you!”

He staggered back like she’d punched him in the stomach. “Why?”

She felt horrible, but the words were out there, and she couldn’t deny them. She tossed her hands in the air. “Because I know myself.” And the emotions running within her. Whenever she wanted something, she clung to it. Hard. With teeth and nails—with her entire being. And she’d learned the hard way even with your tightest hold, what you wanted could still be ripped away.

Worse, it could choose to walk away.

She wouldn’t go through that. Love stories were a cliché no one could live up to. Better to never love at all than suffer this kind of pain. Even thinking about Gage dying in the field or one day walking away from her—the very thought made her shrivel up inside. If it actually happened, she’d die inside.

But she couldn’t come out and say, “The reason I can’t be with you is because I want to be with you.” It’d never make sense, but it was how she worked. She clung too tightly to what she loved, which was why she couldn’t let herself love anything.

No matter how hard she’d tried to be different, it was the truth. Her mother had clung to the stupid notion that her father loved them and would come back someday. She’d clung to fantasies that didn’t exist. And now Chloe was on the brink of doing the same to Gage.

And she couldn’t do it. Her heart couldn’t handle it, and it wasn’t fair to him. Even if she dared to believe that he was serious about wanting something more permanent with her, he could still die in the field. She could still lose him regardless of how he felt about her.

What was the other option? Ask him to stop helping people? Ask him to stop rescuing someone in need?

Telling him to stay would go against what he loved to do. She’d never put him in a position to pick her over his job.

“We both knew this was never going to last,” she said. It was more a statement for herself than for him, but Gage just sat there, next to the perfect sandwich he’d gotten for her. “Let’s just enjoy this for what it is.”

He nodded once, his face like stone.

Her eyes stung. The words hurt her as much as she knew they hurt him. But she turned and walked out before she could take them back.



“What do you think it means?” Chloe asked, eyeing the vase of flowers that’d been delivered a few minutes ago.

Natalie came up to the bar and placed a cupcake in front of Chloe. Chocolate on chocolate, her favorite. “Usually, people smile when they look at a big vase of flowers, not glare at it trying to mentally make it burst into flames.”

Chloe huffed. “I don’t trust it.” She hadn’t seen Gage since she’d walked out on him the other day, and now there were flowers. What the hell was she supposed to think?

“Did you at least read the card?”

“As a matter of fact, I was just about to.”

She swallowed, picked the little card out of the flowers, and read:

I’m sorry I haven’t been around much. I’ve been busy with training.

But I’ve been thinking of you and will see you soon.

Love, Gage

Chloe scoffed at the little smiley face Gage had drawn at the bottom of the card to go with his words.

“I think it means he likes you,” Natalie said, as if it were obvious.

Chloe took a big bite of her cupcake and stared at the flowers. She’d never gotten flowers before, and it left her feeling…giddy.

She shoved the rest of the cupcake in her mouth, crossed her arms, and glared some more. She’d never asked for an explanation why he hadn’t called. She knew why he hadn’t called. She’d walked out on him.

But he’d given a reason anyway. And it was just like him not to come down on her for making a mistake. Instead, he’d put the blame on himself.

He also said he’d see her soon, which probably meant the anniversary event. In the meantime she had to…trust him.

Natalie whistled and raised her eyebrows. “I know you’re new to this whole dating thing, but trust me, acts of kindness are a good thing.”

She shook her head. “That’s just it. He’s being kind when I should be the one apologizing.”

“Whoa.” Natalie held out her hands. “You mean you’re admitting you’re wrong?”

“No,” Chloe said quickly. “I mean it’s not a matter of right or wrong. I just…don’t want to like him.” She meant it. This need to see him, to want to be around him, this constant wondering what he was doing, it was taking over her mind. She was practically obsessed.

Not good.

“It’s a vulnerable place to be. Wanting someone and hoping they want you back.”

Natalie glanced away, and a flash of sadness crossed her face. But she blinked a few times then plastered on her trademark sunshine smile. “But Gage clearly wants you back so what are you worried about?”