Stepbrother Dearest(31)

The Welcome to Massachusetts sign made me anxious. There was so much that was unknown about what the next few days would bring. I’d have to help my mother with funeral arrangements, and it would surely trigger flashbacks to the horrible time when we had to do the same thing for my father.

When I pulled into our driveway, Randy’s Nissan was parked on the left, and the sight of it made me shudder. I used my key to let myself in and found my mother staring blankly at a cup of tea in the kitchen with no lights on. She hadn’t even noticed me walking into the room.

“Mom?”

My mother looked up at me, her eyes red and swollen. I ran to her and embraced her.

The dirty dishes from Mom and Randy’s dinner last night were still in the sink, bringing to light what a sudden and unexpected blow this was, how life could change in an instant.

“I’m here now. I’m here. You just let me know what you need me to do. It’ll be okay. I’ll help you through it. You’ll be okay.”

She spoke into her teacup. “He just woke up in the middle of the night complaining of pains and collapsed before the paramedics got here.”

I rubbed her back. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank God you’re here, Greta.”

“Where is…you know…where is he now?”

“They took him to the funeral home. Clara is making all of the arrangements for me. She and Greg have been wonderful. I couldn’t bear to do it…not again.”

I hugged her tighter. “I know.”

That night, I slept next to my mother so that she didn’t have to be alone. It felt surreal sleeping where Randy had slept just last night, and now, he was gone.



***



The next day was a blur: people dropping off casseroles and flowers, my mother retreating to her room to cry, Victoria stopping in to pay her respects. We’d grown apart in the years since I moved, but we always made a point to see each other when I came home even if it was just for coffee.

So, when Mom took a nap late that afternoon, Victoria and I walked down to the Dunkin Donuts on the corner. It was a small piece of normal in an otherwise surreal time.

“How long can you take off work?” she asked.

“I just called them this morning. They gave me a day for bereavement then I took the rest of the week off as vacation. I may take Mom back to the city with me until she can figure things out.”

“Has anyone talked to Elec?”

Just the mention of his name had caused what felt like a knot in my stomach.

“Greg and Clara are handling contacting people. I’m sure they called him. He and Randy have been estranged according to my mother, and I’m not sure if he would even come.”

“What are you going to do if he does?”

I nervously bit into my vanilla crème donut. “What can I do?”

Victoria knew about my night with Elec. I’d told her bits and pieces but kept a lot of the specifics to myself. Some of it was too intimate to share, and I didn’t want to devalue what that experience had meant to me. Even though it was only one night, it had shaped me in many ways and set the bar for future expectations.

She sipped her iced coffee. “So, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see…”

“My mother is my priority. I can’t lose sleep over whether Elec is coming.”

It was all I could think about.

That night, Greg and Clara had me and my mother over for dinner. They insisted I get her out of the house since I’d told them she spent most of the day crying in her room while random people dropped off food.

During dinner, Mom was quiet and barely touched her chicken and dumplings. She drank copious amounts of Zinfandel wine instead.

The wake was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. The pit in my stomach was growing by the second.

I just needed to know.

I finally asked, “Have you contacted Elec?” I swallowed the lump in my throat in anticipation of Clara’s response.

“Yes. I spoke to him today. He was despondent when I told him, and it wasn’t clear whether he would be coming.”

Just knowing that she’d spoken to him had made my heart beat even faster. “Where is he?”

“He’s still living in California near Pilar.”

“Did you have his phone number?”

She looked over at her husband and said hesitantly, “Um…Greg’s kept in touch with him. We know he and Randy had a horrible relationship. Greg had tried to intervene some years back. Elec and he sort of bonded in the process. Randy actually never really knew about that.”

I looked over at Greg as if he were holding all in the information in the world that mattered to me. “What is he doing now?” My voice was shaky.

“He graduated from college, got his social work license. He’s working with disadvantaged youth. The last time we spoke was probably about six months ago.”

“Really…”

Wow.

That was more information than I’d gotten in years. It made me both happy and sad at the same time to know that he was doing well—sad only because I didn’t know him anymore and hadn’t ever met the man that he’d become.

I cleared my throat. “So, you don’t know if he’ll be here?”

“No. He wouldn’t say,” Clara said. “I think he was in shock. I gave him all of the details so that he’d have them.”