Stepbrother Dearest(30)

CHAPTER 12





“Randy’s dead.”

At first, it seemed like it could have been a dream. It was the middle of the night, and I’d had too much to drink while out with friends in Greenwich Village the evening before. When the phone rang at 3 A.M., my heart began to pound in dread, and to hear those words right off the bat had nearly stopped it altogether.

“Mom?”

She choked through sobs. “Randy’s dead, Greta. He had a heart attack. I’m at Mass General. They couldn’t save him.”

“Mom, breathe. Please.”

My mother was crying uncontrollably, causing me to feel helpless because there was nothing I could do about it from my apartment in New York.

She and Randy’s marriage had remained intact over the years, although in recent months, they’d been having a rocky time. Randy had never displayed toward my mother the same disrespect he’d shown Elec, but he’d always had an unpredictable temper with highs and lows and was difficult to live with.

The truth was, my mother had lost her soul mate when my father died all those years ago. Her marriage to Randy had always been one of convenience and stability. Even with his modest income as a car salesman, he provided for us well. Mom never worked and wasn’t the type who could handle being alone. Randy had been the first person to come along in the years after Dad passed away. I’d always gotten the impression that Randy was far more enamored with her than she was with him. Still, losing him was going to turn her life upside down. With my living far away, he’d been her whole world, not to mention, this was the second husband she’d now lost prematurely. I didn’t know how she was going to handle it.

I started to shake. “Oh my God.” I took a deep breath in an attempt to compose myself. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Mom.”

“He was dead before we even got to the hospital.”

I got up and immediately rolled my small suitcase from the closet. “Listen, I’m going to see where I can rent a car at this hour. I’ll try to be there by morning. Keep in touch by phone and let me know when you get home. Is someone with you?”

She sniffled. “Greg and Clara.”

That had made me feel better. Greg was one of Randy’s oldest friends who happened to relocate with his wife to the suburbs of Boston a few years back after a job transfer.

When I was able to find a rental car place that was open, I hit the highway about five in the morning.

On the four-hour drive to Boston, my mind became littered with thoughts about what Randy’s death would mean. Would I need to quit my job in the city and move back to Boston for Mom? She’d have to work for the first time in her life to support herself. How much time would I need to take off from work? And then, it hit me.

Elec.

Elec.

Oh my God. Elec.

Did he know about Randy? Would he come to Boston for the service?

Would I have to face him?

My hand anxiously gripped the steering wheel tighter as my other hand switched the music on the radio over and over unable to find anything that could drown out the noise in my head.

Even after seven years and a failed engagement to another man, my one true heartbreak had remained at the hands of my stepbrother. Now, my heart broke for him again in a different way because not only had my mother lost her husband, but Elec had just lost his father.

Randy was too young to die. Granted, his relationship with Elec was horrible, but the fact that they’d never made amends saddened me. Nothing stirred up my emotions like thoughts of Elec did. Even moving away from Mom and Randy never really changed that for me.

Two years after graduating from community college in Boston, I transferred to a small college just outside of Manhattan where I graduated with a liberal arts degree. Right out of school, I took an administrative position in the city. I’ve lived in New York for the past three years, and it was there that I met Tim.

We were together for two years. Tim worked in software sales and traveled a lot. We lived together for the last year of our relationship until his job wanted to transfer him to a European sales position. He’d accepted it without discussing it with me, and when I refused to move with him, we ended up breaking up. The move had pushed me to make a decision I would have made eventually anyway. He was a good guy, but overall, the passion I’d longed for was missing. Even in the beginning of our relationship, there was never the adrenaline and butterflies that I’d experienced in my short time with Elec. When I accepted Tim’s proposal, I’d hoped things would change and that I’d grow to love him like he deserved. That never happened.

I’d had two other boyfriends before Tim, and it was the same situation. I’d compared my feelings for them to my crazy attraction to Elec. Even though I knew Elec was gone from my life, I couldn’t seem to help comparing everyone to him, both sexually and intellectually. Even though it may not have shown on the surface, Elec was deep. There were many layers to him, and his writing exhibited that. There was so much I never got to know or unravel. But I knew I wanted to find someone with those same qualities. One thing my time with Elec also taught me was that sexual desire and fulfillment were just as important to me as an emotional connection.


My other boyfriends were nice guys, but they were average Joes. And it was sad, but I preferred to be alone than to give myself to someone with whom there was no spark. I hoped that someday I would have real chemistry again with someone.