Somewhere Out There(78)
Brooke nodded again, and Natalie accompanied her to the front door. She grabbed her older sister’s coat and then her own, insisting on walking with her to her car.
“I’m sorry if Kyle said anything to upset you,” Natalie said as they walked together in the cool evening air. They stood next to the driver’s side door, lit only by the warm glow of the porch light and the streetlamp on the corner. “He’s a little protective, and it just came out wrong.”
“It’s okay,” Brooke said, but her voice broke on the words and she looked away, down the dark street.
Natalie reached out a hesitant hand and placed it on Brooke’s forearm. “Oh, no. I’m going to kill him for making you feel like this.”
Brooke sniffed and shook her head. “It’s not him, really,” she said, looking at Natalie with tears glossing her violet eyes. “It’s me. I just . . . it’s just . . . I’m not sure I fit in here.”
“Of course you do,” Natalie said. “This is new to all of us. It’s going to take some time to adjust, but I promise, I want you to be here. I want to get to know you better.” She swallowed hard, fighting back her own tears. “I always wanted a sister. And now I have one.”
Brooke’s shoulders shook, and she pressed a hand to her mouth. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’ve never had a family,” she said after she’d dropped her arm back to her side. “I don’t know how to do any of this. I don’t know how I’m going to do anything.”
Natalie tilted her head and stitched together her brows. There was a distinct, desperate edge to her sister’s words. “How you’re going to do what?” she asked. “Be my sister? We just . . . spend time together. We just get to know each other.”
“No,” Brooke said. “You don’t understand. Seeing you tonight . . . seeing Hailey and Henry and Kyle, just reminded me how little I know . . . how I’m not . . . I can’t . . .” She closed her eyes and began to sob quietly, and Natalie couldn’t help herself, she pulled Brooke into her arms. She rubbed a circle on her sister’s back, the same way she did for her children when they were upset.
“Hey,” Natalie murmured, unsure exactly what it was about the night that had taken Brooke to this fragile point. “Everything’s going to be fine.”
“No,” Brooke said again, breathing into Natalie’s shoulder. “It’s not. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I might have made the worst decision of my life.”
Natalie pulled back but kept her hands on Brooke’s arms. “What decision? Coming here? Seeing me? Or is it something else?” She saw the fear in her sister’s eyes, the tight muscles along her jaw. Whatever her sister was dealing with, it was big, and she was terrified. “It’s okay,” Natalie said. “You can tell me. I promise, I won’t judge. I just want to help. Please. Let me help.”
She watched Brooke glance off to the side and then down to the ground, as though she were uncertain what to do next. She seemed so small, so exposed, with her guard let down. She reminded Natalie of Hailey when her daughter’s feelings were hurt, needing comfort. Needing reassurance. Needing to know she wasn’t alone.
“I’m pregnant,” Brooke finally whispered. “Ryan . . . my ex . . . is getting a divorce, but he’s still married. He wants me to get rid of it and I basically told him to screw off.”
Natalie was quiet a moment, letting this news sink in, Brooke’s fatigue, refusal of wine, and her likely hormone-spurred tears suddenly making perfect sense. When Natalie was pregnant, she could cry over a burnt piece of toast. “What do you want?” she asked Brooke, who looked at her with wide, glassy eyes.
“I want to keep it,” Brooke said after a moment. “I want to try and be the kind of mother I never had.”
Natalie smiled, sensing this wasn’t a decision her sister had come to lightly. “I’m so happy for you,” she said. “Please, will you come back inside? We can talk. Just you and me.”
When Brooke finally nodded, Natalie hugged her again. And this time, she wasn’t so quick to let her go.
? ? ?
Brooke waited on the front porch while Natalie went back inside to talk with Kyle, who had already put the kids to bed. “She’s still here,” Natalie told him. “Can you give us some privacy? She needs to talk.”
“What about?”
“She’s pregnant,” Natalie said, keeping her voice low. “She literally just told me. She’s out there crying and scared and feeling like she doesn’t fit in with us. Something you didn’t help by treating her like she was in a deposition.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Well, you did. And being late was great. Thanks for that.” Natalie knew she was being harsh, but she didn’t care. “Can we talk about this later, please? She’s standing on the porch.”
“Fine,” Kyle said. And he turned and left the room.
Natalie rushed back to the front door and opened it. “Come in,” she said, motioning for Brooke to reenter the house. Her sister’s face was splotchy and red, streaked with mascara. She kept one hand placed over her stomach, as though protecting her baby; Natalie recognized the gesture from when she had been pregnant with her kids. Natalie hung up Brooke’s coat again, and they returned to the living room, but this time, the two sat on the couch facing each other, just a few feet apart.