Somewhere Out There(73)

“But, Mommy, what happened to your real mom?” Hailey asked, looking up at Natalie with her big round eyes.

“Gramma is my real mom, honey,” Natalie said. “She’s the one who raised me. The woman who carried me in her tummy is called my ‘birth mother.’?”

Hailey pursed her lips. “Your birth mom didn’t want to keep you?”

The question pinched the nerves in Natalie’s throat. “Well,” she began, coughing a little to hide the rush of emotion from her voice, “it wasn’t that she didn’t want to. It was more that she couldn’t.” Is that true? she wondered. Or just the least painful version of the story?

“How come?”

Natalie recited the same words that her mother had told her, almost verbatim. “She was young and all alone. She didn’t have a job or enough money or any help to take care of me, so she decided that giving me up for adoption was the best thing. She wanted to give me a better life.”

Hailey thought about this a moment, then spoke again. “If you and Daddy didn’t have a job and couldn’t take care of me, would you give me away?”

“Oh, honey, no. Never. Your dad and I love you and your brother so much. You know that.”

“You love me to infinity and beyond!” Henry shouted, and both Natalie and Kyle couldn’t help but laugh.

“We love you both that much, buddy,” Kyle said.

Hailey twirled one of her long curls between two fingers, looking up at her mother with a thoughtful expression. “Are you ever sad that she gave you away?”

Oh, god, Natalie thought. This was dangerous territory, prodding at deep wounds, pushing on the tender, bruised spots of her heart. But Natalie had promised herself that she wouldn’t be like her mom, shutting down conversations as soon as they led her to places she didn’t want to go. She was going to tell her children the truth.

“Sometimes,” she said quietly, as though uttering a secret she hadn’t even told herself.

“I bet she’s lonely,” Hailey said. “I bet she gets sad, too.”

Natalie couldn’t speak. She felt her husband’s eyes upon her, concerned.

“Your mom has something else to tell you, too,” Kyle said. “Something a little bit exciting.”

Natalie smiled at her husband, grateful for his support. She coughed, taking a moment to compose herself. “That’s right,” she said. “I do. I only just this week found out that I have an older sister that I didn’t know about. Her name is Brooke. Isn’t that pretty?”

Hailey nodded, digesting this, her violet eyes open wide. “Do I have a sister I don’t know about?”

“No, honey,” Kyle said. “You and Henry are our only kids.”

“Are you sure?” Hailey asked, her voice a bit shaky, and Natalie thought about the previous night when she’d tucked her daughter into bed. Before Natalie turned off the bedroom light, she watched Hailey clutching the plush brown stuffed bunny she’d slept with since she was three, and had been reminded of Brooke’s lavender blanket. How her sister had given up the one thing that brought her comfort so Natalie could have it instead. She felt herself begin to tear up, imagining that moment—a four-year-old Brooke wrapping a piece of herself around her baby sister. Finding the only way she could to say good-bye.

“Absolutely sure.” Natalie leaned over and rubbed the tips of their noses together. “Want to know something cool?” Hailey nodded. “You and Brooke have the exact same color eyes!”

“We do?” Hailey spoke the words as though what her mother just said was the most amazing piece of news she’d ever heard.

“Yep,” Natalie said. “I showed her your picture and she just couldn’t believe it.”

“Do I get to meet her?”

Natalie looked at Kyle, whose expression didn’t reveal anything that he might be thinking, but that didn’t mean Natalie couldn’t sense it. “Yes,” she told Hailey. “She’s coming over for dinner tomorrow night. I thought maybe you could help me make the dessert.”

“Okay,” Hailey said, and then Kyle began tickling their son’s ribs. “Oh no!” he said. “The Tickle Monster is attacking Buzz Lightyear!”

“Daddeee!” Henry howled, but he was giggling.

“I’m not Daddy,” Kyle said. “I’m the Tickle Monster! And I’m going to get you! Moo-ha-ha!”

Hailey scrambled over Natalie’s lap and attempted to insert herself in between her brother and her dad. “Get me, Daddy!” she said. “Get me, too!”

Kyle shot out one of his arms toward his daughter, so he could tickle them both. Their children squealed and laughed as their father played with them, and Natalie sat back with a smile on her face, so grateful for her husband. For the life they had built. Grateful, and also eager to know Brooke better, so their family could grow larger still.





Brooke


Despite a week spent coming up with reasons why she shouldn’t go to her sister’s house, Brooke found herself dressed and walking out to her car on Wednesday night, a little after six o’clock. She wanted to leave early, in order to give herself enough time to deal with evening commuter traffic headed into West Seattle from downtown. She was digging in her purse for her keys when she heard her name.