Shoulda Been a Cowboy (Rough Riders #7)(30)

“I’m thinking to myself, what a f*cking loser I am. Somehow, I managed to pull it together and insisted we do it from behind. I only dropped my pants far enough she felt my cock and a little of my upper thighs. I f*cked her fast and left. She probably never knew. But I did. The worst part was I realized I’d never be the same man. I’d be half a man. I never wanted to try again…until I met you.”


A million thoughts raced around in her head and she couldn’t seem to voice a single one.


Finally, Cam said, “Say something. Your silence is killing me.”


“Well, as encouraging as it is that you want to return to being that sexually charged man with me, you’ve still been selfish.”


Cam’s head snapped up. “Excuse me?”


No doubt he’d expected her to coo sympathy. To be sweet, soft-spoken and pat him on the head while clucking there there, it’ll be all right little soldier, all is forgiven.


Wrong.


“Not sharing your body or yourself with me is selfish. Oh, I understand you wanting to maintain the illusion of male perfection, but know something? I don’t want an illusion, Cam. I want a real man. I want you. I don’t care what kind of lover you used to be. I care what kind of lover you are now. And I can’t be the kind of lover you need if the only part of you I’m allowed access to is your cock.”


He stared at her with absolute shock.


“Surprised?”


“Uh. Yeah. Usually you’re so s—”


“If you say shy I’ll brain you,” she warned.


“No.” He smiled slyly. “I was gonna say subtle.”


“I am subtle and diplomatic most of the time, but there comes a point where in your face is the only option.”


“So Miss In-Your-Face, have I f*cked this up completely by being a selfish and clueless dickhead?”


“Not by a long shot. Not since you’re willing to admit some things need to be different between us.”


Cam released a long, slow breath. “Thank you. I…I’m sorry.” He laughed self-consciously. “What do we do now?”


Humbling, that this formidable man looked to her for direction. The sudden boost of confidence allowed her to erase the distance between them. She twined her arms around his neck and held him until he stopped shaking. “First we get completely naked. Then we see how smokin’ hot it is to have sex in missionary position. Then we test out my cowgirl skills as I ride you. All within the parameters of your control, naturally.”


“Naturally.”


“Sound like a plan?”


“Sounds like the best plan I’ve ever heard.” Cam lowered his head and kissed her stupid.


Chapter Eight


Sweet baby Jesus. If Cam was crazy about Domini before, it was nothing—nothing—compared to the way he felt about her now.


He flat out f*cking loved her.


Loved. Her.


The woman had guts. No one in his life said shit like that to him. Not even his in-your-face sister, not even at his lowest point. And the hell of it was she’d been exactly right. He had been a selfish bastard in bed. Even Domini’s surrender had been about him.


No more. He would lay himself bare for her. Completely. He ripped his mouth away and mumbled, “Stay with me tonight. At my house. All night.”


“Maybe. It depends on a couple of things.”


He ignored the spike of fear and said, “Anything. Name it.”


“Well, can I touch you as much as I want? Because I have a lot of catching up to do.”


“As much as you can handle.”


Cam tried to remain calm at the thought of her waking up and staring at his stump while he was still asleep.


This is about trust. You have to start someplace or you’ll lose her and never have to worry about her staring at any part of you.



He headed downstairs and waited for her while she grabbed her stuff.


She bounded around the front end of his truck. Moonlight glinted off her hair, making her look like a goddess. An angel.


Mine, roared in his head, she’s all mine.


Not that Miss I’m-Never-Getting-Married would appreciate his claim on her.


Domini climbed in, scooting right next to him like she always did. He grinned. She was cuddly as a kitten. Oh yeah, this woman was most definitely his, whether she knew it yet or not, whether she liked it or not.


On the drive Cam draped his arm across the back of the seat and his fingers toyed with her hair.


She said, “You nervous?”


“Yep. Do you think that makes me a *?”


“No. I think it makes you real.”


“Meaning what?”


“Meaning…I sort of lied when I said I wasn’t afraid of you.”


Cam frowned.


“Sometimes you scare me, the larger than life persona. Cam McKay, the injured war hero. The model cop. The dutiful son and brother.”


“You’re makin’ me sound like John Wayne or something.”