Shoulda Been a Cowboy (Rough Riders #7)(29)

Domini parted her lips and Cam’s velvety hot tongue slipped inside her mouth. She wanted to make love with him like this—face to face, skin to skin, mouth on mouth.


After scrambling her brain for several tongue tangling minutes, he broke the kiss. “Bedroom. Now.”


“Maybe I want to drag it out.” Her hands floated down his chest. “Strip you slowly. Lick and taste and tease you all over. Maybe you should make me do it.”


His body went stone still. Then his voice was low, warm and persistent in her ear. “I said bed. Now. We do this my way. Remember?”


Domini recognized this wasn’t about sexual control with Cam. Heck, it wasn’t even about her. She stepped back and challenged, “And how is your way, Cam? With me bent over the table, or against the refrigerator, or on my knees, or draped face first across the bed? Or are we actually going to have sex some other way for a change?”


His eyes tapered to fine points. “For a change? What the f*ck is that supposed to mean?”


It was difficult to stay the course, faced with his angry surprise, but she dug in her heels, bracing for a fight. “Every time, every single time we’ve had sex, it’s been from behind. I’ve never kissed you, or whispered in your ear, or even touched you when you got me off.”


“Is that a complaint?”


Don’t back down. She notched her chin higher. “Yes. I guess it is.”


Color dotted his cheekbones and his eyes glittered with something that looked like resentment, but she suspected was embarrassment.


“You told me you wanted to surrender to me, Domini. Me. Which means I get to call the shots.”


“Evidently that also means you get to hide.”


“Hide?” he repeated.


“I’ve never seen you naked. Never. You can blame it on being tied up or blindfolded or whatever you did to restrain me, but the truth is: you’re hiding yourself from me.


“I’ve opened myself up to you, Cam. More than I ever have with any man. And while I’m grateful you proved my trust in you was justified, I know you don’t feel the same about me.”


The muscle in his jaw jumped as he stared at her with those hard, dark, cop eyes that scared the crap out of her.


“You don’t trust me, do you?”


No answer.


Domini purposely let her gaze drop to his left thigh. She let it linger before she looked at him again. “You think I’ll laugh when I see your prosthesis? Or are you afraid I’d be grossed out by your missing leg and run? Help me understand, Cam, because as much as I like you and trust you, I can’t do this anymore. It’s all or nothing.”


Two-hundred-odd pounds of aggressive, challenged male was right in her face. “Why are you pushing me?”


“Because you need it.”


Silence.


“So what’s it going to be?”


The air stayed still and quiet.


It broke Domini’s heart to see him retreat. To watch that strong, chiseled face lower to his chest, almost in defeat.


After a couple minutes passed, Cam said, “You’re right.”


Her heart beat again; she breathed again.


“I’ve hidden my injury, my stump, my disability, whatever the hell you wanna call it, from everyone, not just you.”


“Why?”


“It embarrasses me that I’m…broken. Most the time when I’m wearing the prosthesis and it’s covered with regular clothes I can pretend I’m normal. But when that shit is off and I’m completely naked? I see I’m not a whole man. I can’t lie to myself. And I sure as hell can’t lie to you.”


His anguished tone nearly broke her resolve. Be strong for him now because he needs it.


“The only person in my family who’s seen it is Keely. And that’s only because she moved to Cheyenne and became my personal physical therapist. She kept everyone in our family away. She helped me deal with all the doctors and the prosthetic specialists, the millions of prostheses fittings, the excruciating rehab and learning to walk again. She…pushed me.


“Keely wouldn’t let me give up even when I wanted to give up on myself.” He briefly squeezed his eyes shut. “Jesus, did I want to just f*cking hide myself and my ugly stump from the world.”


Even though Domini ached to go to him, she stayed put.


“After a few months of Keely working her ‘rah rah you can do anything’ magic on me, I tried to reclaim the sexually charged guy I’d been.” He laughed bitterly. “What a joke. I had sex one time after I had the hang of walking on my prosthesis. One. Fucking. Time.”


“What happened?”


“I got her clothes off. I went down on her. She came. I thought all was going great…then she reached for the button on my jeans and I totally f*cking panicked. I mean, the type of panic that’s pure debilitating fear. I knew I should’ve told her about my stump. I knew I should’ve practiced getting naked because when faced with it with a stranger the first time…I couldn’t f*cking do it.”


Domini was well versed in those types of panic attacks, but she still didn’t go to him. He needed to get this all out.