Second Chance(48)

Nate spooned up behind him. He might have been smaller physically, but when he wrapped his arms around Jack he didn’t feel small. Jack snuggled back into the reassuring pressure of his embrace.

“You okay?” Nate asked again.

“Yeah.”

The intensity of Jack’s orgasm had stripped him of the ability to form coherent sentences. Lost in a blissful post-coital haze, he floated, warm and relaxed in that space where the rest of the world was still outside their bubble. All that mattered was the sensation of Nate holding him, warm breath on the back of Jack’s neck and the brush of Nate’s lips as he kissed him.

They lay in silence and as Jack’s heart rate gradually slowed and settled, thoughts started to intrude. He’d been so excited about seeing Nate this evening, all day at work he’d smiled every time he’d remembered they had a date. He’d kept trying to convince himself that it was a bit of fun, but the nagging doubt that Nate was starting to mean more to him persisted.

Opening the door to Nate tonight, Jack’s heart had leapt with the thrill of happiness at seeing him. It felt as if it was about more than sexual attraction. But of course, this was about more than sex. Nate was his friend, so inevitably Jack cared about him more than he would some random guy he only met for sex. Friends with benefits, the clue was in the name. But Jack had never had a friend with benefits before so he wasn’t sure what a normal level of attachment was. Perhaps this was only to be expected, but it was alarmingly familiar.

It felt as though he was falling in love.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Nate said quietly, pulling Jack out of his musings with a soft kiss to Jack’s shoulder.

“I was just thinking that it’s fun having a friend with benefits,” Jack said hastily. “I’ve never tried it before, but it’s good.”

There was a pause before Nate replied. “I’m glad it’s working out for you.”

Jack rolled over to face Nate. “I like being with someone I can trust.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Nate shifted onto his back, his hands on his chest.

For a moment, Jack wondered whether he should tell Nate how he was feeling. Was it possible that Nate might want more than friendship and sex too? But even if he did, their future was so uncertain. Jack didn’t want to risk spoiling their tentative new relationship by trying to make it into something it wasn’t supposed to be.

Instead, he reached out to link their fingers together and squeezed. “Is it working out for you?”

“Sure,” Nate said, his voice a little too loud in the quiet space of Jack’s bed. “Like you said, trust is important even when it’s not a serious relationship. I feel comfortable with you, so that makes the sex good—which is the point of the arrangement after all.” He tugged his hand away. “Sorry, I need to go to the toilet.”

Jack sat up and watched as Nate got up and pulled on his underwear and a T-shirt, and then left the room. Flopping down onto his back, Jack sighed. Maybe he should have been honest with Nate, but it was hard to be honest when you couldn’t even make sense of your own thoughts.

When Nate returned, he got back into bed without bothering to get naked again. He gave Jack a smile, but something about it didn’t feel completely convincing. Jack wasn’t sure what had gone wrong this evening, but they were out of kilter—both unsettled and cautious around each other now the effortless connection of fucking was over. That part was easy. They didn’t seem to have any trouble connecting sexually, but outside of that things were more challenging.

“What do you want to do for the rest of the evening?” Jack asked. “Do you want a drink of anything? And we could listen to music, or put a film on, or even play a game of something if you like.”

“Do your parents still have that backgammon set?” Nate asked.

Jack immediately knew the one Nate was referring to. It was a beautiful set his mum had bought on holiday in Cyprus when Jack was a kid. A board inlaid with mosaic patterns, and perfectly turned wooden pieces. He and Nate had whiled away many rainy weekend days playing on it. “Yeah, they do. Want a game?”

“Yes.” Nate smiled, and Jack felt the tension ease between them.



They dressed and went downstairs to play at the kitchen table. Jack put some music on, and made them both tea while Nate set up the board.

“Is this right?” Nate asked. “It’s been years since I played.”

Jack came and put a hand on Nate’s shoulder as he looked over to check. Nate had placed all the white pieces, but none of the black ones yet. “Yes, that’s perfect.”

Nate turned and smiled up at him. Without thinking about what he was doing, Jack stooped and pressed a kiss to Nate’s lips. When he drew back, Nate’s smile had widened. Flushing, he turned back to the board and started to place the black pieces, mirroring the white ones.

Stirring the tea, Jack felt more peaceful than he had in a few days. Whatever this thing was between them, it made him feel good in the here-and-now, and maybe that was all that mattered. He needed things in his life to feel happy about, and Nate definitely did that.

“Right, the tea’s ready.” Jack picked up the mugs and carried them over. “Game on. Throw the dice to see who starts.”

A couple of hours later they were still playing when Nate’s phone started making a sound like a car horn. Jack recognised it from before. “Is that your Cass alarm?”