Rushing the Goal (Assassins #8)(76)
His brows came together, his lips twisting in confusion. “No, not at all. I blame myself,” he said, and her eyes pleaded with his, needing to know that he wasn’t bullshitting her. “But I’ve coped. I accepted that I can’t change what happened. I understand that it was out of my control. I still believe I should have done something different, but I want to move on. I want to be happy. I’m so tired of being lonely and sad. I’ve been trying to find someone, but no one has stuck, Lucy. Then you came along. And you make me feel things I’ve never felt in my whole adult life.”
Her eyes searched his, and she bit into her lip before nodding slowly. “I just worry that we’ll get too far into this, and then you won’t be able to feel what you need to feel for me.”
He knew what she was saying and he understood, but what she didn’t know was that he was already falling in love with her. He couldn’t tell her that, she wasn’t ready, but he had to reassure her that he was good.
“Losing them, my family, sucked. No other words can adequately describe it. Being alone, dating people and not clicking with them, blows. If finding you had happened a year or two ago, I could completely understand your worry, and you are completely right to have it. But Lucy, I’ve known you for two weeks, and in these two weeks, I’ve never been so damn happy in my life. I get excited to wake up, to talk to you, I love helping Angie on the ice, and seeing you does things to my heart. So please don’t worry about me not being into this. Us. I am so into us.”
Her lip wobbled and she closed her eyes. Opening them again, she held his gaze as she sucked in a deep breath. Then, with all the strength in the world, she said, “I don’t trust people. Ever. The grown men I loved, trusted, needed, depended on, both f*cked me over. Badly. And I haven’t recovered from it. Then you came along… And I trust you, Benji. So I’m going to say, okay, I’m going to believe you and I’m gonna trust that you have my best interests in mind. But I swear to God, you f*ck me, you break my heart, I will skin you alive.”
He couldn’t help it, he grinned as he leaned his forehead to hers. “I don’t make promises lightly, Lucy, not since Ava, as you can understand. But I promise I will not hurt you. I promised your brother that, and I have no problem promising the same to you.”
Her lip wobbled again. “You did?”
“I did.”
Wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him tightly and his eyes drifted shut. Holding her as she straddled his lap, he kissed her temple and then her cheek as she clung to him.
“I’m sorry about your family,” she whispered, her lips moving against his jaw.
Swallowing hard, he kissed her cheek once more. “Thank you.”
They clung to each other. He was holding her for support, for love, and he hoped she was doing the same. She didn’t say anything for a long time, almost until the water started to chill a bit, and then she whispered, “I feel good about this. That we talked about all this.”
And his heart just blew up in his chest. “Me too, Lucy. Me too.”
As he held her, her heart pounding into his, he was pretty sure he had just fallen in love with her.
Lucy was running on coffee.
Only coffee.
Because she hadn’t walked into Jayden’s house until eight in the morning, four minutes before Angie woke up. And, of course, there was no time for a nap. Nope, Angie was up, ready to go, already fully dressed in her equipment before Lucy even sat down on her bed.
No rest for the wicked, she guessed. And last night, she was wicked.
Oh, the things she did with Benji… Great freaking sex, never-ending orgasms, and tub sex. God, she loved tub sex. While Lucy wanted just an hour—one hour of sleep, that’s all—she didn’t regret one thing about going to Benji’s. Not the run-in with the cops, not the endless amounts of orgasms, and definitely not when he opened up to her. No, last night was amazing, perfect even, and she still felt it way deep in her soul.
One thing was for sure, she would never forget the look of pure loss on Benji’s face. Or how his body shook with sobs as he talked about his wife and daughter. It was hard to hear, and it gutted her as if she had lost two people she had loved. But at the same time, it was beautiful. He loved them—hell, she was sure he still loved them—and he felt horrible for his mistakes. She appreciated his honesty and the fact he wanted to move on. She felt like he trusted her, cared enough about her to share that side of him. He might never know how much that meant to her. How much he touched her heart last night.
And one day, well into the future, she hoped he could love her and Angie like he did his wife and daughter.
The thought scared the living bejesus out of her, of course. She hadn’t had that hope in her heart since Rick, but it was true. For so long, she couldn’t trust men, minus her brothers. Rick ruined her, and then her dad broke her heart—the two men she had loved and looked to for guidance. For the last four years, she had been doing it on her own, navigating life, and then she met him.
Benji.
When he said he would fight her for her, the walls around her heart crumbled, and it just felt right. He felt right. So damn right. No one had ever said that to her, and he was saying it. After only knowing her two weeks. Shit, it was all going so damn fast, and she almost felt like she was getting whiplash. Was it too good to be true? Could this really be happening? And really, why couldn’t she have met him sooner? Or maybe this was good timing because they were both ready?