Rushing the Goal (Assassins #8)(153)
She nodded. “Okay.”
His stomach was uneasy as he drove back to the house. When Lucy went in without a word to him, he bit into his cheek as he went into the kitchen to make Angie some lunch. He really didn’t want to fight with her before he left, but it was looking like that was exactly what was about to happen. As Angie popped around being her usually silly self, Benji made her a sandwich and then set it on the island. Climbing up into the chair, she put her iPad on the counter and then looked to him.
“Am I going back to school?”
“Probably not.”
“Cool, can we shoot around some before you leave?”
He nodded. “Yeah, sunshine. Let me go and make sure Mom is okay.”
“Okay,” she said before hitting play and starting a movie. Washing his hands, he wiped them off before heading upstairs where Lucy had gone. When he hit the hallway, he could see her sitting on the bed, her eyes on him.
“So I’m apparently in the dog house,” he said as he headed down the hall, his eyes on hers.
“Yeah,” she said, her sass in full force.
“Because of the savings account?” he asked, shutting the door, and she stood.
“Yes! What were you thinking? Why didn’t you tell me? And I can send my kid to college, myself. You don’t have to do it. I’m not helpless!”
He nodded, pressing his palms into his hips. “You’re absolutely right. I should have told you, and I know you can put her through school. But I told you when we signed the contract for the office that I would do with the money what I wanted. So I opened Angie an account, and I have the money you deposit transferred every month. I also put the five thousand dollar design fee that you wouldn’t let me pay in there too,” he said. That made her brows go to her forehead, steam all but coming out of her ears. “I did it for no other reason than to help put her through school.”
“It isn’t your job, Benji! It’s mine. I’m her mother. You’re not—”
She paused, her eyes widening, and he watched her. He knew what she was going to say, and he tried not to let it hurt his feelings. But he knew he failed a bit as he held her gaze. “What? Not her dad, just the boyfriend? Yeah, I know that.”
She looked away, her lips trembling as she shook. “I don’t need anyone helping me with my kid.”
“I wasn’t trying to help you. I was doing it for Angie.”
She shook her head, a tear running down her cheek, and he waited. He knew how she worked. She needed a second, and as he expected, she soon looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I’m just mad because Rick tried to use that against you like the foul * he is, and I hate that I didn’t know what was going on. I was completely surprised, and I hate that. I need to know what is coming at me so I can fight it. I couldn’t fight that, and for a second there, I thought I was losing everything.”
“I completely understand, and I’m sorry for not telling you. I honestly forgot about it.”
She looked up at him, tears spilling out of her eyes as she threw her hands up. “Why are you staying around? I’m an *—”
“Because I love you,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her to him. “Your stress level is borderline 2007 Britney Spears right now, and I get it. But, Lucy, I want to help you. I want to be there for you.” He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her temple as she leaned into him.
“I didn’t mean what I said to you. You don’t deserve that. I’m sorry. You know I hate handouts. I’m just so f*cking scared, so mad at Rick, not you. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“I know, baby,” he whispered against her head as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. “It’s going to be okay. But I won’t lie, Lucy, you almost broke my heart there. You really need to think before you speak.”
She nodded against his chest, moving her nose against him as she hugged him tighter, almost like she didn’t want him to let her go. He wouldn’t. Not every man could deal with her tantrums, but then not every woman could deal with the shit she dealt with daily. If he couldn’t love her through her hard times, why should he be allowed to love her during her good ones? So he would cut her a little slack. It wasn’t easy for her right now, but it would be soon.
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
“Forgiven.”
“I don’t deserve that forgiveness,” she whispered and he kissed her nose. “I just hate how I feel so helpless. I never needed anyone. Not my dad, not a man, but now I need him and I f*cking need you. I’m starting to need you to keep me grounded. I’m used to being so independent, only worrying about Angie. But you…I can’t let anything hurt you or mess up what we have.” She paused, sucking in a breath as a sob burst from her. “I want him to go away so it can just be us. So you can one day be Angie’s dad. I just have so many f*cking feelings and I hate them. I hate feeling like this.”
“Do you want to go back to the way it was before?” he asked, and she looked up at him. “Lonely, only worried about Angie? ’Cause I sure as hell don’t want that for you. I love you. I don’t want anything but for you to be happy.”
She shook her head. “For once in my life, I don’t have to fake like I’m happy or force myself to feel that way. When I’m with you, I’m just blissful and I feel like nothing can touch me. So, no, I don’t want to go back to my life before, because that life wasn’t something I wanted. You are something I want in my life.”