Rooted (Pagano Family #3)(73)
That surprised him. He’d assumed, as Catholic as she was, that she would want their daughter to be born in wedlock. “I guess it’s coming up now. I want to marry you. You don’t want Teresa’s parents to be married?”
She folded the cover over her tablet, set it aside, and stood. “I expected you to understand.” Pacing before the fireplace, she continued, “I don’t know what I want. I’ve been telling you that. It’s why I need time. If you’re in such a rush, then move to me.”
“I can’t. My job is here. I have tenure.” And five more years before he could retire with a good pension. He couldn’t go.
“My job is there.”
“You’re self-employed, Carmen.”
That was the wrong thing to say, too; she flinched at his words. He hadn’t meant to minimize her work, but emotion was making him dense. When she answered she nearly spat the words at him. “I have employees who count on me! Jesus! Are you that f*cking stupid or are you just being willfully obtuse?” She wheeled on him, her hands on her hips. “That’s what it is, isn’t it? You don’t want to see my side, because you’ve already made up your mind.”
She obviously had employees she trusted enough to run her business in her absence; she’d gone to Europe for three months. He lived only about two hundred miles or so from Quiet Cove. Maybe she could keep the business going from that distance. They could figure something out if she would calm down and talk to him. “Carmen, sit down. Please. We need to work this out.”
“No. I don’t think we have that much to work out, after all. The question is simple. Will you even consider moving to Quiet Cove?”
He had his answer at the ready, but he paused and looked into her eyes, trying to get her to see. “No. I can’t. I’m a full professor, Carmen. I can retire in five years with my full pension. Even if I could find another academic job near Quiet Cove, it would turn my clock backwards. I can’t leave my job. If we’re going to be together, it has to be here.”
If he’d thought she’d turned to stone earlier, she was ice now. Her eyes were bright and emotionless, and his heart slowed with the chill. She stood up very tall and squared her shoulders, and he knew what would happen next.
He stood, wanting to prevent her speaking. “Carmen…”
“Shut up. I’ve made my decision. That’s what you wanted, right? For me to make a choice? I’ll raise my daughter in my home, with my family. We’ll work out some kind of visitation. When you can tear yourself away from your job to come to the Cove to see her.” She paused before she delivered the coup de grace. “I’ll have my lawyer contact you.”
She turned with that and headed toward the bedroom. Theo knew she meant to pack and leave right now.
“Carmen, no!” He grabbed her arm and turned her, but in his desperation not to lose her, he pulled too hard. She tripped over the runner of Maggie’s rocking chair and fell. He dropped to his knees at her side. “Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I’m sorry. Carmen, I love you. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
She shoved him away. “Get off me. Just get off me.” Using the chair that had tripped her, she got to her feet and then proceeded to the bedroom. Theo dropped to the sofa and sat with his head in his hands, propped on his knees.
He had no clue how long she took to pack; it felt like mere seconds. When she came back, she stood in front of him with her backpack and suitcase. “I’m going.”
He stood again, but he resisted the need to put his hands on her, to hold her with him physically. “Please don’t do this. I love you. We love each other. I know we can work it out.”
“By work it out you mean convince me to turn everything I know upside down so you can keep your life the way you like it.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. But Carmen, you don’t like your life. You’ve told me as much, more than once. Why wouldn’t you be willing to turn it upside down for something better?”
She scoffed and shook her head. “You don’t understand at all, do you?”
“I guess I don’t. Help me understand.”
“I don’t think so. I’ll call you when she’s born.”
Those words, that thought, hurt Theo more than he could contend with. So he closed his eyes, took a breath, and tried to keep her another way. “You can’t go tonight. It’s dark and it’s snowing.”
“I’ve been driving in New England winters for more than twenty years. I’ll be fine.”
“Carmen, don’t do this. It’s a mistake. We belong together, with our child. We’re a family now.”
“No. We’re not.” With that, she left.
Theo stood in his empty living room for a long time, long past the moment when he could no longer hear her truck crunching through the snow toward the road. And then he went to the sideboard and pulled out a bottle of bourbon. There were two. He thought that would be enough.
oOo
The next morning, still reeling with hangover, he left a note for Jordan saying he’d be back in the afternoon. Once he got onto pavement, the roads were already clear. He went into Colson and had a greasy breakfast at the Pink Plate Diner. And then he drove to Lewiston and found an AA meeting.
Carmen had not had the last word. He was going to find a way to get his family together. But he had to be sober to manage it, and, alone, he didn’t think he could be sober. Not alone. Alone was too empty.