Rock All Night(84)

“What did you think was going on with me?!”

“I don’t know… I guess I just thought you weren’t that into it.”

That was the understatement of the year.

“You were making fun of me and getting all impatient!” I complained.

“When?” he asked, mystified.

“Are you serious?!”

“Yeah.”

He seemed sincere, which pissed me off even more.

“When we were just starting, you got mad because I was worried!”

“Oh, that,” he said, brushing it off a bit too cavalierly for my tastes. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I just wanted you to have a good time.”

“Well then, maybe you shouldn’t have told me I was going to have a bad trip if I didn’t lighten up!”

He stood there silently for a moment.

“…is that it?” he finally asked.

Is that IT?!

Now I was hopping mad.

“You ignored me the entire time!”

“No I didn’t!” he protested. “We made out some – we talked – ”

“Not much! You were always off with Killian!”

“Well, you were always hanging off of Ryan,” he said darkly.

Finally I understood.

“You’re jealous,” I said, amazed.

“No I’m not,” he protested.

“Yes you are.”

“I just want to know why you kept walking with him, that’s all.”

“Because he was keeping me from totally losing it,” I snapped.

“I could have done that, if you’d’ve just let me know – ”

“Which you would have known if you were paying the slightest bit of attention to me instead of hanging out with Killian the whole time!”

When I figured out he was jealous, I’d momentarily forgotten my anger – mostly because I was so shocked (and secretly a little pleased) – but now it was back in full force. I pulled away from him and went over to the window, where I stared out into the darkness.

It’s funny, I hadn’t been angry about that afternoon at all until we started talking about it.

I suppose I had just accepted my experiences as par for the course when taking illegal substances.

Either that, or I hadn’t realized there was anything to be angry about because I had been so out of it.

But now that my head was clearing, I felt like I had been standing in front of a giant painting of sunflowers for hours, and just now somebody had pointed to it and said, “See that? See alllllll that yellow?”

Hadn’t even noticed it before.

And now it’s all I could see.

There was a moment’s silence. Then Derek walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged it off.

“Hey,” he said gently. “Hey.”

I hugged myself like I was cold.

That just made me think of earlier, when I’d been cold out in the desert – and he hadn’t even noticed.

I didn’t want to be there right now.

I didn’t want him to be there right now.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered behind me.

The tight ball of anger in my chest relaxed the tiniest bit.

I felt his arms circle my waist, and I could feel him press up against me. Could feel the warmth of his body radiating into me.

“You’re right. I f*cked up. I should have been there for you.”

The anger was slowly lessening… but I still wanted to hang onto it. Wanted to milk it some more, I guess.

“Yeah, you should have,” I said in a clipped voice…

…even though inside me I was saying, Make me believe you mean it.

“I’m sorry. You’re my girlfriend, you shouldn’t have to have another guy take care of you when you needed me, even if it was my best friend. I should’ve been there for you. It won’t happen again.”

“I – ”

The drugs were still muddying my brain, because it took a second for the words to register.

When they did, it was like an earthquake inside me.

I wheeled around. “I’m your girlfriend?”

I could see the edge of his face lit by starlight from the window. He was smiling.

“Of course you are,” he whispered.

I just stood there in shock, my mouth slightly open.

He must have misinterpreted my silence, because I heard an edge of alarm creep into his voice. “I mean… if you want to be…”

I stood there for a few seconds more, just totally overcome.

And then I answered with my body.

I crushed myself against him, took his face in my hands, and kissed him hard.

He returned it passionately. I felt his powerful arms encircle me, hold me close to him, press me tight against him.

When I finally pulled away, my chest heaving, I looked into his eyes.

“Yes,” I whispered. “Yes.”





69




We made love after that, and it was extraordinary.

The mushrooms were still affecting me, so that was obviously part of it.

But even more powerful was the emotional high I was on.

The two of those things combined were absolutely mind-blowing.