Rock All Night(83)

“Why is there a candle?” I asked in a freaked-out voice.

“It’s pretty,” Killian said, and began giggling again.

In my mind’s eye I saw the candle flame jumping to the curtains, and the whole cabin catching fire, and the rescue team finding my charred body the next morning amongst the ashes.

“I don’t like it,” I whimpered.

“It’s fine,” Derek said as he tried to hold in a lungful of pot smoke.

“It’s going to burn down the cabin,” I whined.

“No it’s not – ”

“Guys, let’s put out the candle, okay?” Ryan said. “It’s making Kaitlyn nervous.”

“But – ”

Before anybody could object, Ryan bent over and – puff! – the candle was out.

I have never been more grateful for anything in my life.

“Jesus Christ,” Derek muttered.

“Derek – ” Ryan warned.

“Okay, okay,” he sighed. “C’mere, Kaitlyn.”

I walked over to him and laid next to him in bed, and suddenly I felt much better. He passed off the joint to Killian, then held me.

Finally, the comfort I had wanted so badly, from the man I truly wanted it from.

I snuggled into his arms and just lay there.

Ryan turned on a lamp and kept quiet as Killian and Derek talked and laughed in the semi-darkness.

At one point I had to get up to go to the bathroom.

But I knew that if I left that bed, something terrible was going to happen.

“Killian,” I whispered.

“What, luv?”

I held out my arm. “Come over here.”

He frowned, but he got up off his bed and came over.

I took hold of his right hand and joined it with Derek’s left.

“Ryan,” I whispered.

“What?”

“Come here.”

He chuckled and came over to the bed.

I took his hand and put it into Derek’s right.

“I have to go to the bathroom. Don’t let go, okay?”

Everybody was laughing by this point.

Everybody but me.

“Promise!”

“I promise,” Ryan said.

Killian couldn’t stop giggling.

“I don’t f*ckin’ believe this shit,” Derek hooted.

I started to get upset. “Derek – ”

“I promise, I promise. Jesus.”

I got up off the bed and crept to the bathroom.

Right before I closed the door, I peeked out.

“Don’t get off the boat,” I whispered, deadly serious.

That brought the house down.

Confused at their reaction, I closed the door and went about my business in the dark.

They were still laughing when I came out.





68




Derek and I only stayed a little bit longer in Ryan and Killian’s cabin. At some point he nudged me and whispered naughtily, “Let’s go back.”

By this time, all my freaked-outness about God and doggie angels and staying on the boat had subsided, and I was just enjoying being warm and comfortable in Derek’s arms. So I agreed. “Okay.”

“We’re heading back,” Derek announced to his bandmates

Killian just nodded and continued playing weird, atonal melodies on the guitar.

Ryan looked at me searchingly. “You okay, Kaitlyn?”

“Yeah… thanks.”

“No problem. If you need anything, just call me.”

Derek frowned. “Why would she need you? She’s got me.”

Ryan let that one go, and just smiled. “See you two tomorrow morning.”

When we got back to the cabin, Derek started to kiss me. Though my high wasn’t as strong as before, the sensations were still magical: I seemed to be able to feel every little caress in minute detail.

I was just starting to get really into it when he backed away from me.

“What did Ryan mean about if you need anything, to call him?”

I stared at him, trying to focus on his eyes in the shadows. “What? …why?”

“I want to know.”

“I don’t know. I guess if I got freaked out.”

“Why would you get freaked out?”

I frowned, starting to get the slightest bit angry. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because that’s the way I was most of the afternoon?”

Derek seemed genuinely surprised. “What?”

“Back in the desert?” I said sarcastically. “‘Don’t get off the boat’? ‘We should go back, we might die’? Ring a bell? I was pretty messed up there for awhile.”


“…you were?”

The depth of his cluelessness baffled and angered me.

Hadn’t he been paying attention at all?

“I was totally freaking out!”

He looked slightly abashed. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know…”

“How could you not know?!”

He shrugged. “I was high.”

…oh, yeah…

Well… I suppose that’s a pretty good reason…

But it didn’t seem like he should be able to get away with it that easily.