Rebound (Seattle Steelheads #1)(74)

Their eyes widened. David shifted uncomfortably, but they both stayed silent.

I went on. “If he and I disagreed over something, he’d use it as leverage. Float the idea of suddenly not being able to afford something he’d promised to one or both of you. He knew that would make me back down. But the money was just the tip of the iceberg, honestly. Like how he told you kids that if he and I broke up, you’d never see him again?” I shook my head. “That’s not normal. That’s emotional goddamned blackmail, and I am so sorry I didn’t see it for what it was. I was too far under his thumb to realize what it was, and by the time I did… Well, he’d already convinced you both that if I cared about you, I’d marry him.”

My kids exchanged stunned glances.

“I knew when I left him that it would mean a lot of sacrifices for all of us,” I continued. “We were all used to the stability that came with me dating Marcus. I struggled hard with the idea of leaving because I didn’t want to take that stability away from you, but I couldn’t let him keep controlling me that way.” I swallowed. “Especially not when I realized he was starting to use it to control the two of you.”

Claire and David both straightened.

I looked at Claire. “Remember when he said he’d pay for your private driver’s ed? But then every time your grades weren’t so hot or you mouthed off, he’d bring it up?”

Her eyebrows rose.

To my son, I said, “Or when you were signed up for band camp, but that was suddenly on the chopping block every time he wasn’t happy about some little thing?”

David swallowed. “I thought that was just…”

“I know. Just normal ‘there’s consequences for your actions’ kind of thing like your mom and I do. And maybe it was for a while.” I shook my head slowly. “But I could see it creeping deeper into the way he treated you two. I couldn’t take the chance that he was grooming the two of you to accept the same kind of thing he was doing to me.”

“But…” Claire stared at me in disbelief. “What about you? Why was it okay for him to do it to you?”

“It wasn’t,” I said quietly. “But he had me far enough under his thumb that I’d talk myself out of leaving. I…” I hesitated, pride gnawing at me and making me wonder how much I should admit to my kids. “To tell you the truth, I wasn’t sure if I could leave. Marcus had me convinced—and I had myself convinced—that I couldn’t support the three of us. But when I realized he was trying to get you two under his thumb, I had to go. Even if it meant getting a loan from your mom.”

The kids tensed.

“You had to get a loan from Mom?” David asked.

Pretending it wasn’t a humiliating thing to admit, I nodded. “Yeah. She knew what was going on, and she wanted us all out too. So when I told her I wanted to leave him, she loaned me enough to get us on our feet.”

They stared at me in utter disbelief.

“The fact is,” I whispered, “Marcus was abusive. It started with me, and he was turning that abuse onto you two. He didn’t stop loving any of us when he left—he never loved any of us at all.”

Just as I’d known they would, the kids winced, and my heart ached at the hurt in their expressions. In both kids’ eyes, I saw the pain I’d been trying to avoid, but also the understanding that made me wish I’d done this ages ago.

“We were toys for him,” I said gently. “Things for him to manipulate. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth sooner, but it’s never easy to hear that someone you loved never loved you back. Believe me, I understand. So, I’m sorry. For keeping that from you, and for not leaving a long time go, especially once he started using things like Claire’s transition as leverage. I know it’s been hard, moving on after him, but I left because I was trying to protect you both from what he was already doing to me.” I swallowed. “I guess I was trying to take the brunt of it and spare you. Which probably wasn’t the best approach after all. So…I’m sorry.”

Silence hung between us all for a long moment. Then Claire slid close to me on the couch, and to my surprise, she hugged me tighter than she had in a long time. “I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t. That was kind of the idea. I’m the one who should have been more honest.” My voice wavered. “Like I said, I didn’t want to hurt either of you more than Marcus and I already did.”

“I get it,” David said.

I sighed as I let Claire go. “Thanks for telling me about Marcus.”

Now I think it’s time that asshole and I had a long overdue conversation.

*

By the time I’d driven the forty-five minutes from Lake City to Bellevue, I was heated. Anger had been simmering beneath the surface throughout the conversation with my kids, but now that I was pulling into the familiar driveway of Marcus’s swanky house, I was incandescent with rage.

A time or two over the last couple of months, I’d imagined coming back here and having some smug thoughts about how Asher’s house dwarfed Marcus’s in both size and opulence. If Marcus was going to hang so much importance on image and money, then why not give myself a moment to gloat—even if it was only to myself—over my recent upgrade?