Protege(76)

Her brow crinkled as she considered what he was asking.

“Nothing you tell me will make me disappointed in you, Collette. I only want the truth.”

Her lips pursed as she wiped her eyes. “When I’m with you,” she began quietly. “I feel something here.” Her palm pressed to her belly. “It’s not butterflies or lust. It’s a rightness I can’t explain. It tells me I’m exactly where I should be.” Her face slowly lifted. “When I kneel for you, it isn’t because it’s what’s expected. It’s so much more than that. It’s because I want to give myself to you and make you proud. I don’t know if it’s trust or respect, but it certainly isn’t fear. I put your needs before mine, but deep down I believe you see us as equals, despite my inexperience. You make me so comfortable just being who I am that I don’t worry about being vulnerable around you. I never have to worry about that.”

It was his turn to look away. Lowering his gaze, he sighed. “And with Brys?”

“When he touched me, I wanted to draw back. When he filled me, I wanted to shatter. When he told me to kneel . . . I just couldn’t.”

His lips pressed to her head. “You said you enjoyed last night.”

“There came a point where nature won. My body overpowered my mind and I felt the pleasure of their touch. But, Jude, I hated it because it wasn’t you. I only wanted to please you, so I shut my eyes and did my best to convince myself it was you, not them.”

Something dark shifted inside him, filling his loins and calling on every possessive part of his being. His breath turned labored as he tried to make sense of everything she’d just said, how aroused her confession made him on an emotional level. There was nothing physically stimulating him. Only the sound and meaning behind her eloquent words.

Dear God, it would be so easy to love her. But if he were to consider this, it wouldn’t be a game. It wouldn’t be a stepping-stone to prepare her for another man. He wanted her—all of her—and he didn’t want to share.

The clock in the foyer chimed and on cue there was a knock at the door. That would be Brys. Urgency crowded him as every certainty he’d held two minutes ago evaporated and he lost his footing.

He felt adrift and clueless as to what to do, his mind scrambled. He needed to keep his head and not be misled by instinct.

But what was this incredible hold she had on him? It wasn’t her sweet southern draw or her soft body. It wasn’t the way she cooked for him or made his bed every morning. It was something without a name.

Seeing her with the others last night hit a nerve, one he no longer had the patience for. It called out his demons and made him aware of just how much Tiffany’s betrayal had scarred him. Most of all, it had infuriated him because on some level it proved that Collette was not as solely devoted to his ideals as he’d hoped, but that wasn’t the case at all.

“Why didn’t you safe-word?” he suddenly asked as the doorbell rang.

She glanced toward the hall, fear visibly riding her as hard as it rode him. They were running out of time.

She shrugged. “Because I was mad at you and because, at the same time, I thought it was what you wanted and I can’t shut off my need to please you.”

He grabbed her face and held her so she was looking at him. “Listen to me, Collette. I never want you to do something that you don’t want to do. That sort of visceral reaction you had, that is not okay with me. That you forced yourself to tolerate something physically or emotionally unpleasant when its only purpose was to bring you pleasure goes against everything I want for you.”

“That’s not completely true.”

He frowned as the goddamn doorbell rang again and now his phone buzzed, notifying him of a text. “What do you mean? Ignore the door.”

She swallowed. “It was supposed to determine if I’m okay with sharing. I’m not. Not if you aren’t right there with me. The moment you stepped away, I felt . . . lost.”

His phone began to ring. “Damn it.” He placed her on the bed. “Just . . . I’ll be right back.”

Regret flashed in her eyes as she nodded and lowered her gaze to the floor. He pulled his phone out as he took the stairs. “I’m on my way.” He hung up. Brys was an impatient son of a bitch.

When he opened the door the other man grinned like the Cheshire cat on his way to a big vat of sweet cream. “It’s six. I’m here to collect my sub.”

He ought to punch him. First of all, she wasn’t his sub. She wasn’t anyone’s until she was put through the system. “There’s been a change of plans.”

It gave him smug satisfaction to watch the other man’s smile fall. “What are you talking about? I’ve already made arrangements—”

“Well, unmake them. Collette’s staying at the chateau.”

Brys scowled. “You can’t do that. Ezra faxed me the contract and I already signed—”

“It’s just paper, nothing more, until she signs. She won’t.”

“That’s coercion, Jude.”

“I’ve done nothing to coerce her, you have my word. If you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself. She’s staying here and continuing as my protégé.”

His eyes narrowed. “Where is she?”