Protege(50)
“I’m not really sure of the difference implied.”
That was fair. She was very new to such terms. “I suppose the best way to explain the difference is to base each title on the desired level of authority and subservience—humiliation also comes into play depending on each individual’s likes and dislikes. Some, but not all, prefer to feel dehumanized. It’s a freeing quality only their owner can deliver.”
He studied her as she processed his words. Although they were not completely familiar at this stage, her personality so far gave the impression she enjoyed her independence too much to venture into an Owner/slave relationship. Perhaps part of him was hoping she wouldn’t, as he enjoyed the many facets and sparks her character brought to the table. It would be a pity to see that fire in her eyes dulled.
“Share your thoughts, peach.”
A breathy chuckle passed her lips. “They’re moving a little too fast for me at the moment. You say slave and nothing pleasant comes to mind. Perhaps I’ve had too many history classes.”
He grinned. “And pet?”
Her nose crinkled. “No offense, but I wouldn’t want to be looked upon as an animal beneath her partner.”
“Some pets are cherished by their owners, as they should be.”
She laughed again. “I feel like Goldilocks.”
His grin stretched as he chuckled at her analogy. “And I intend to find a fit for you that’s just right. Do you feel comfortable with the term Daddy?”
“No.” Her answer was quick.
“You’re certain?”
“I have a father. Sometimes I feel as though I have two, the one who raised me and the one who murdered my mother. I don’t need another one to confuse my terminology more than it already is.”
“Fair enough.”
He agreed with her answers, finding her explanations appropriate for what he already knew and assumed about her. “Is it fair to say that you are seeking a very mild version of the Dominant/submissive dynamic? You seem at home in the kitchen and with others matters of the house.”
“I like taking care of others. When there’s a specific set of guidelines and expectations, it makes it easy to succeed.”
And she liked succeeding when it came to others’ expectations. “Well put. And does having a dominant bring you relief?”
“So far I like it. The more I experience everything, the more comfortable I am to depend on it.”
“You can depend on it, Collette. That’s what it’s all about.” Or should be. He shoved his jaded opinions and disappointing experiences aside, in order to give her what should ultimately be the truth of every decent D/s relationship. “It brings me—a Dom—great joy to earn a sub’s trust. And it hurts us when we know we’ve dropped the ball or let a sub down. Your disappointment’s as meaningful as ours.”
Her brow creased, her face angling low. “But I’ve disappointed you.”
He frowned, trying to recall any moment she might be referring to. “Never severely.”
“You’ve spanked me during sex.”
“And enjoyed it thoroughly. Don’t confuse my meaning, peach. I’m no softy when in the heat of matters. When I use my size to dominate you, I will, effortlessly. And when I want to take for my pleasure, I will. Just as on our first night I had no issue dishing out discipline for your behavior, I will again without hesitating, if I see fit. I’ll always respect you and your limits, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t enjoy correcting you should you earn aggressive play at times. Don’t confuse that with true punishment. You’ll eventually learn the difference.”
Something stern flashed in her gaze for a moment and his lip twitched, sensing she’d eventually challenge him. “What if I find your punishment humiliating?”
“We’ve defined humiliation. The questionnaire you completed gave a fair impression of your triggers, but I’m most interested in your version. That’s all that matters, that your Dom knows your definition and respects it. Others will surely disagree with you, but I’m not responsible for them.”
“I suppose it’s as I said, a feeling a shame. A sense of unshakable mortification. Being exposed on purpose.”
Her definition was indeed prudent compared to others, but he understood. He’d seen Doms insist their subs crawl around the house and behave as animals. “I humiliated you with Lea.” Personal disappointment lingered and he picked at the topic again. Ironic, that his own behavior humiliated him, thereby leaving a lingering sense of shame.
Her gaze lowered. “Yes, but I understand why you did it.”
“Why?” he asked, his voice soft.
“Because I questioned you after you asked me not to, and you wanted to show me what I agreed to.”
He studied her naked form as he debated whether her understanding was equal to forgiveness. He wanted to forgive his oversight, but couldn’t until he was certain she had. “Your terms, should we say, have been modified. But I want to be crystal clear, Collette, because I don’t want to humiliate you—ever. Would it humiliate you if Lea or another person walked in here now?” Fear was a definite motivator, but not his motivator of choice.
She met his gaze. “Not as much. I’ve been naked more than I’ve been clothed since coming here. The other night the women at dinner gave me the impression that they also spend a lot of time undressed.”