Present Perfect(86)

I straightened my leg back out, rubbed it with some strawberry scented body lotion, dressed it up in my cute red patent leather heels, and took a few pictures of it with my phone. My leg was getting the royal treatment on its last night. After all, it had been with the present company almost twenty years and had served me well. Giving it a proper sendoff was the right thing to do. After the fifteenth picture I took of the leg, my phone chimed with a text.

Noah: I’m at your window. Park?

Noah and I agreed not to discuss what happened at the condo the other day. I had too many things on my mind that took priority. We’d deal with it, just not now.

Me: I don’t think I can make it there. My leg is hurting.

Noah: Put your coat on. I have a surprise for you.

Me: What is it?

Noah: A surprise. I’m headed to the front door. ?





Noah carried me the entire three blocks to the park. There was no other place I wanted to be tonight than in his arms. Instead of taking me over to our spot, he headed to the fire pit area. He placed me in one of the chairs that surrounded the pit, and draped a big fleece blanket over me that he had already brought here. I watched as he built a fire. He was wearing his high school letterman jacket and a College of Charleston baseball cap twisted backwards. He looked so cute. It was sweet the way he was trying to get my mind off of tomorrow.

Sitting beside me, he poured two cups of hot chocolate from the thermos that was sitting by his chair. I lifted the blanket up as he scooted his chair closer and joined me underneath. I snuggled into his side as his arm draped over my shoulders and he pulled me closer to him. Through my coat I could feel his hand running slowly back and forth over my shoulder. We were quiet for a while drinking our hot chocolate. My eyes took turns between looking at the fire and the beautiful clear sky filled with stars. It was as if Noah had ordered those stars just for tonight.

“This is perfect.” The words drifted from my mouth as a whisper.

“Yeah, it is,” he said.

“Thank you for this, Noah.” His arm squeezed my shoulders slightly.

“Tweet?”

“Mmmhmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

I shifted, looking up at him. “For what?”

He focused straight ahead. The light from the fire caused the tears running down his face to glisten.

“That night you sprained your ankle…I should have taken you to the ER. If I had done that… maybe they would have caught the cancer sooner and could have saved your leg.”

I sat my cup of hot chocolate down. Twisting my body completely toward him, I threw my arms around his neck and squeezed.

“Don’t do that to yourself. It’s no one’s fault,” I whispered, choking back my tears. I was completely overwhelmed by him and how deeply he cared for me.

“We’re going to get through this. I’m going to be with you every step of the way,” he said.

“Are you trying to be funny?” I asked teasingly. He broke from our hug and look into my eyes.

“Sorry about that.” There was complete determination in his face when he said, “We are going to get through this.”

I wanted to believe it and at that moment I did. At that moment, snuggling under a blanket watching the fire with Noah was perfect. I didn’t feel like I had cancer and was having surgery in the morning.

We drank hot chocolate and watched the flames until they turned into glowing embers. We didn’t say much more to each other. We didn’t need to. I took a break from thoughts of cancer, surgery, chemo, and my future. I wasn’t going to let anything ruin this moment for me. The present was perfect and I was going to stay in it for as long as possible.





When I heard I had to be at the hospital at 5 am for a 7 am surgery, I thought they were screwing with me. Wasn’t it enough that I’m getting my leg sawed off, I have cancer, and now I have to get up early? This being a cancer patient sucked.

The hospital was fairly quiet at that ungodly hour. When I walked into the waiting area, I could feel the nervousness that ran through the patients waiting to be called back for their surgery. In attendance with me this morning was Mom, Dad, and Emily. It had been a while since we had all done something together. I may be saying goodbye to my leg today, but we got a family trip out of it. Lemonade! I’m trying like hell to make lemonade out of all this.

Mom sat staring at nothing. Dad paced back and forth between where we sat and the free coffee that was set up in the corner of the room. Emily spent her time trying to engage all of us in conversation. She talks a lot when she’s nervous. I sat looking calm on the outside while inside my nerves were in overdrive. My stomach fluctuated between feeling nauseous and sinking into the ground.

All I wanted to do was stop time from moving forward. I wanted to run. I wasn’t strong enough to get through this, any of it, the amputation, the chemo, the cancer. There was a loud noise in my head like the ticking of a clock. I looked at the clock on the wall that read 5:25 am. Time was closing in on me. Once I walked through that door, there was no turning back. I would have to move forward. If I were going to bolt out of there, I needed to do it now. I started to lean forward in my chair, when the door swung open.

The face of each patient flinched every time that door opened and a nurse stepped out. We were scared that our number was up and we had to go through with whatever torture they were going to inflict.