Present Perfect(81)

Noah’s presence always calmed me down and gave me peace, but when I heard his footsteps behind me, I didn’t have the same sense of relief that I always had. For the first time in my life, my knight in plastic armor couldn’t save me from this monster.

“You talked to my mom?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. She called in a panic. She didn’t know where you were and you wouldn’t answer your phone.” He scooted a little closer to me. “It’s cold out here, Tweet. Let’s go somewhere warm.”

“I’ve been trying to figure out what I did,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“What I am being punished for?”

I could feel the tears starting to build behind my eyes. I desperately wanted to hold them back. When I let them spill over, it opened me up too much and the feelings were overwhelming. I wanted to stay numb just a little longer.

“You’re not being punished.”

Glancing over at Noah, I could see he was getting antsy. His fingers twitched as if he couldn’t keep himself from touching me for much longer. I finally looked at him. He looked as devastated. We stared at each other for a moment before he finally gave in and threw his arms around me. As we made contact, the tears and cries started gushing out of me.

Noah pulled me on to his lap. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and let all the emotions of the day spill out. He held me so tight, it was almost hard to breathe.

“You’re frozen, baby. Let me take you home,” he said.

I held on to him more securely. I didn’t want to go home yet. I had convinced myself that as long as I stayed out here, none of what was happening was real. If I set foot in my house and got around my family, the reality would set in and I wouldn’t be able to hide from it any longer. I knew I would have to go back soon, but in this moment I needed to pretend everything was fine and savor being wrapped up in Noah’s arms.





Cancer is a game changer, a dictator, and the great and powerful Oz all rolled up into one all-consuming beast.





I had lived two days with the diagnosis. It still didn’t feel real to me, but I knew it was real every time I saw the faces of Emily or my parents. I was scheduled for an MRI the next morning, and then I had an appointment with the doctor in the afternoon. The information given to me was so overwhelming. Doctors rattle this stuff off like it’s nothing. I realize it’s all in a day’s work for them, but you can’t expect a person, who has just been given the diagnosis of cancer, to even pay attention to anything else you’re saying.

Obviously, I wouldn’t be going back to school next semester. I was angry about that. I hated that something out of my control was dictating every decision I made. Mom contacted the university and explained the situation. We needed to go pack up my things now because once treatment started, I wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while. They assured her that someone would be there to let us in the dorm since it was Christmas break and only administrative staff was working.

I also needed to tell Matt face-to-face while I was in town. He was staying with some friends until Christmas Eve when he would fly home. Noah was coming with us to help. The plan was for my parents to drive up with the SUV, and Noah and I would have his truck.

Noah and I had been spending every possible minute with each other. I didn’t know how he was handling this with Brooke. We never discussed it. In fact, he and I hadn’t even talked about my diagnosis. Whenever the subject came up, he’d remain quiet. He’s been by my side, helping me with anything I needed. We just hadn’t brought up the reason he was helping me.

We were all quiet as we packed everything up from my extremely short college career. Lisa, of course, was home in Missouri for the holidays. We had a tear filled conversation yesterday. She promised to come see me when she got back next semester. Whether Lisa and I were roommates or not, I knew she would always be in my life. Sometimes you meet people and know immediately that they were meant to be your friend. Lisa was that person for me.

Once my parent’s car was packed up, they headed back home. I told them Noah and I would be along after I talked to Matt. Noah drove me over and waited in his truck while I went and broke the news. I had texted Matt that I was in town and was headed over.

I felt nervous for some reason as I walked up the stairs to his place. I knocked and the door immediately swung open. Matt scooped me up in his arms like he hadn’t seen me in years.

“God, it’s good to see you,” he said.

“You okay? You just saw me a few days ago.”

“I know, but I’ve missed you. Can’t a guy miss his woman?” He started kissing my neck.

“Matt, we need to talk. I need to tell you something.” He pulled back and looked at me with concern in his eyes.

“Are you breaking up with me, Stick? Because in my defense, I was completely wasted and didn’t know what was going on,” he rambled on.

“What are you talking about?” I stepped away from him.

“Usually when someone says we need to talk, there’s a breakup after that.”

“You slept with Danielle, didn’t you?”

“I thought about you the entire time. She wasn’t as good as I thought she would be. With her being so hot, I thought she’d be better than…”