Present Perfect(78)

“Huh?”

“My name is Joshua, not Josh, Joshua.” Noah just stared at him as Joshua sat back down.

My Cosmo haze was nice and thick at this point. I just smiled, looking back and forth between the two guys. I knew things were about to get fun now that my knight was here to rescue me.

“So…” Noah looked at me confused, like he had forgotten my name. Since Halloween 1996, Noah has called me Tweet. I have not heard him say my actual name since the age of six.

“A-man-da,” I said, trying to help him out.

“Yeah, that’s right. It’s great to see you,” Noah said.

“It’s great to see you, too. What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Well, I was supposed to meet some friends here for drinks and dinner. I just got a call, something came up and they can’t make it.”

“I’m sorry your plans got cancelled.”

“Yeah, me too. I hate to eat alone and being that I don’t live in town anymore, I really don’t know too many people. Lost track of friends. You know how it is. Well, it was great running into you.” Noah turned to Joshua and reached out to shake his hand. “Great meeting you, Joshua.”

I gave Joshua a pitiful look and then turn to Noah. “Noah, why don’t you join us? Joshua wouldn’t mind.” I glanced over at him. “Would you?”

Joshua had a stunned look on his face as he stammered out, “Uh…no, not at all. Please, join us.” He snapped his fingers at a passing waiter. “Get us another chair. The gentleman will be joining us.”

“Thanks man. I really appreciate it,” Noah said, excitedly.

The waiter returned with the extra chair. Noah positioned himself between Joshua and I. There was an awkward silence for a moment. I had no idea where Noah was going with this little charade, but he had a mischievous twinkle in his eye. I was filled up with liquor and along for the ride.

Grinning like a fool, Noah looked back and forth between me and Joshua. Finally, he landed his eyes back on me. “So, how do you two know each other?” Noah asked.

Glancing over at Joshua, I answered, “We’re actually on a blind date.”

“Oh hell, this is a date?! You two are on a romantic date and I’m crashing it. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. Look, I’m going to leave and...”

I grabbed his arm as he started to get up. “NO! I mean, please stay. We really want you to stay. Don’t we, Joshua?”

“Sure. Stay. Please.”

“Well, if you insist.”

He settled back into his chair, grabbed a breadstick from the basket in the middle of the table, and took a big bite. There was another minute of awkward silence.

I took a sip of my Cosmo and got the party started. “So, Noah, where are you living now?”

“Saskatchewan.”

It took every bit of strength I had to contain my laughter, which caused me to choke on my drink.

“Saskatchewan, you say?” I looked over at him and smirked, still trying to control myself.

Noah returned my smirk “Yep, Sas…kat…che…waaan.”

I looked over at Joshua, who still appeared dazed and confused that our date had been hijacked.

“Saskatchewan,” I said.

From the look in his eyes, I could tell Joshua’s fog was starting to lift. “What do you do in Saskatchewan, Noah?” Joshua asked.

“I work on portfolios.” Our waiter came over to fill our water glasses and I motioned to him to bring me another Cosmo.

Joshua perked up at the mention of portfolios and appeared genuinely interested. “Oh, great. I’m an investment banker at Smith, Barney & Kline. What type of portfolios do you specialize in? Aggressive? Defensive? E-Commerce?”

The waiter arrived with my drink, placed it in front of me, and stood there while I drained the last drop of my previous Cosmo before taking my glass away.

“Pleather,” Noah answered.

“Excuse me?”

“Pleather.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand,” Joshua said, confusion plastered across his face.

At this point I’m trying desperately to hold back tears and a mouthful of liquor.

“I make portfolios out of pleather. You know, fake leather. I used to work in vinyl but nowadays everyone wants to look so sophisticated.”

“The f*ck you say!” I blurted out. “Noah makes pleather portfolios in Saskatchewan. Isn’t that fan-f*cking-tastic, Josh?”

Noah sat back in his chair, grinning from ear to ear.

Our dinner arrived and we ate while Noah enlightened us about the history of Saskatchewan and pleather. I had no idea if what he was telling us was true or not, but it sounded convincing.

After dinner, the three of us walked out the restaurant together. I was feeling pretty happy by then. I held on to Noah’s arm as Joshua handed his ticket to the valet. Noah turned to Joshua, extending his hand.

“Thank you for dinner. I wish you had let me pay for at least half.”

“Don’t worry about it. It was my pleasure.”

“Just so you know, I’m not the kind of guy who puts out just because you bought me dinner.” I almost lost it. Joshua looked at Noah with confusion, again. “I’m just screwing with ya, dude.”

Joshua laughed in that fake way when you don’t get the joke, but don’t want people to know that or how much of a dweeb you really are.