Present Perfect(52)

I narrowed my eyes. “Not if it’s going to make you cry.”

He held the fork out to me. Grabbing it, I plunged into the side of the cake that had the most frosting. Noah always left me that part because he knew how much I loved frosting. I handed the fork back to him and lifted myself up to sit on the counter next to where he was leaning. We continued to pass the fork between us until the cake was gone. Noah sat the empty plate behind him on the counter.

He dragged his hands up his face and through his hair. He blew out a breath, then asked, “What are we going to do, Tweet?”

“I need you in my life.”

“I need you in mine, too.”

“Be my friend,” I said.

“Always.”

I knew it was up to me to fix this. If we were going to remain in each other’s lives, I had to be honest with him.

Clearing my throat, I struggled to find the right words. “Noah, next to my dad, you are the finest man I know. I can’t bear the thought of you not being in my life.”

“Tweet...”

He started to turn to face me, but I stopped him. This was going to be hard enough not looking at him. He shifted back in place against the counter, looking down. I heard him sigh deeply.

“You deserve better than me. If we were together, eventually I would screw it up. Then I wouldn’t have you, any part of you.” I felt tears forming and my throat tightening up. “I’m scared to death of losing you. Those four months that we were apart was the loneliest time of my life.”

Noah had crossed his arms over his chest. I could see the muscles in his arms tense up. I had to get this all out. I had to make him understand.

“I’m surprised I haven’t screwed our friendship up yet. Of course, I might be doing that now. I just want the best for you and I’m not the best. I wish I were. You have no idea how I wish I could let you pull me across that line, but there’s something that’s got such a hold on me and I don’t know how to let it go. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just the way I am. I’ve tried to think better of myself, I really have. Please stay my friend. Things are safer if we keep our relationship as friends. You’re the only one I have and the only one I need. We have to move past this.”

His voice was shaky and deep in his throat. “I don’t know how or where you ever got it in your head that you’re not good enough. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and kind. You’re perfect for me and always have been. I wish you believed it.”

“Me, too,” I whispered.

He tried to make his voice steady and strong before he asked, “What does Brad mean to you?”

“Nothing.” My answer came out quick. “He asked me to the party and we had fun, until you punched him in the stomach, of course.”

Both of us chuckled, breaking the solemn atmosphere a little.

Noah turned to me. The look of concern and sadness on his face overwhelmed me. “He’s not close to being good enough for you.” He raised one hand to my face and cupped my jaw, running his thumb across my cheek. “If he does anything to hurt you, I swear to god, I’ll kill him.”

“Thank you for caring about me,” I said quietly.

Noah and I leaned forward slightly, resting our foreheads against each other.

“I don’t just care about you, Tweet.”

A sob escaped me as the tears trickled down my face. I wrapped my arms around Noah’s neck as his arms made their way around my waist. We held on to each other, neither of us making any attempt to pull away. We both knew once we let go things would change. It would no longer be just the two of us. Life was going to start taking us in different directions, bringing with it new experiences, challenges, and people. While we continued to hold each other, I silently prayed that maybe one day I would be good enough, that I would find my way back into his arms and they would still be empty and waiting for me to fill them perfectly.





A person should always listen to what their gut tells them. You may not have any substantial reasons why you feel a certain way about something or someone, but that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that causes you to hesitate has a purpose. Unfortunately, we tend to think either with our heads or our hearts, and simply ignore our gut. Ignore it one too many times and you end up paying the consequences.





Several months had passed since Noah and I had our talk about staying in the friend zone. We had managed to keep the friendship intact for the most part. We both made sure we had our time together, even though it was limited with our senior year coming to an end and getting ready for college.

He had met and started dating Brooke. They’d been together for about two months. She was tall, pretty, lean, with blonde hair, and blue eyes. She was also smart and seemingly understanding about Noah’s relationship with me. She didn’t act threatened or jealous in any way. This kind of pissed me off, though. I interpreted it as an underhanded way of communicating to me and the world that she knew I wasn’t good enough for Noah. It wasn’t that I disliked her. I just had a weird feeling that I couldn’t identify. I was suspicious that Brooke wasn’t as shiny and bright on the inside as she appeared on the outside.

Fortunately, I didn’t come in contact very often with Brooke. She didn’t go to our school. She was the cousin of one of Noah’s teammates. They had met after one of the games. She had quickly glommed on to Noah. After he and I went back into the friend zone, he obviously felt a need to move on, and he moved on with Brooke. It killed me to see them together. Brooke apparently had some sort of disorder which prevented her from standing on her own whenever she was around Noah. Every time I saw them together, she was hanging off of him. Noah never flaunted his relationship with Brooke in my face. He didn’t talk to me about her very much.