Present Perfect(57)

“Sorry about that. I wasn’t expecting her to come home,” Brad said.

“So on the cherry scale, how high does the sweet Amanda rate?” Spencer asked.

All three guys stood there watching me have a nervous breakdown, completely unaffected by what they had done to me.

A huge smile crossed Brad’s face. “Sweet Amanda was f*cktastic. I’d give her a nine point seven five out of ten.”

“Bravo!” Jeremy and Spencer said in unison. All three started to slowly clap their hands.

The look on Brad’s face was disgusting. He looked as if he had done me a favor, like I should be honored that he rated me so high on his sleazy scale.

“We’ll give you some privacy so you can get dressed and leave,” he said.

Jeremy and Spencer left the room followed by Brad. He turned to face me, lingering in the doorway. I was trembling and tears drenched my cheeks, but no sounds of sobs came out of me. This felt like an out of body experience. Physically I knew what had happened to me, but my mind wasn’t ready to process it.

Looking up at Brad, I asked, “Why? I liked you. I thought we were friends.” My voice was weak, almost inaudible.

“It’s just sex, Amanda. It’s no big deal,” his voice was flat.

“It was to me,” I said, my voice gaining strength. “I don’t understand. Where’s the boy I’ve been spending so much time with who was sweet and made me laugh?”

Looking into his eyes I thought I saw a hint of remorse flash through them, but then he said, “Me and the guys want to go grab something to eat, so if you could hurry up, that’d be great.” Then he shut the door, ignoring my question completely.

The only sensation I felt now was the churning of my stomach. I slowly climbed out from under the comforter and looked for my clothes. When I looked down, I saw blood all over my legs and I got lightheaded. I didn’t care about wiping it off. I needed to get out of there. I put my clothes on and slipped into my shoes. I was such an idiot. How could I let something like this happen? I should have known he had ulterior motives. Noah warned me. I had a weird feeling the entire climb up the stairs and while we were in here, but I thought I was just being silly because his mom was home.

My god, his mom is still downstairs.

I never imagined anyone being capable of doing something this cruel. All the time we spent together was nothing more than him setting me up for the big payoff of winning a sick bet.

Thinking how much I needed Noah right now to put his arms around me and protect me, caused my sobs to escape.

I turned to leave and my stomach flipped. I grabbed the trashcan and held it for a minute. Maybe I could hold it together long enough to get home. My stomach started to settle down a bit. As I went to put the trashcan back I glanced down, spotted the used condom, and emptied my stomach all over it.

I crept downstairs as quietly as possible. The guys were in the kitchen talking and laughing. My body felt like it was starting to cave in on itself, ready to collapse at any minute. I grabbed my things and almost made it out the door when Brad’s words stopped me. I didn’t turn around.

“I don’t kiss and tell, so you don’t need to worry. Stewart won’t find out.”

I hugged my backpack tighter to my chest, flew out the door, and into my car.

I don’t know how long I aimlessly drove around town in a daze. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to be around anyone. My first time being with a boy was nothing more than a sick contest, something to be joked about by Brad and his friends. How could I have wasted this first experience of something that should have been with someone who cared about me? Why didn’t I say something to those three douchebags? Why did I just slink out of there without uttering one word? Why didn’t I listen to my gut? I should have stopped things before they got so out of hand. I didn’t even love Brad. If Noah ever found out what happened I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye again. He’d be completely disappointed and disgusted by me. I felt completely empty. I couldn’t think anymore. I just wanted to disappear.





Starting at the age of 10, I wished I was an adult. I was ready to be a grown-up. I couldn’t wait to make my own decisions, go places by myself, live where I wanted to, dress the way I wanted to, and eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

I dreamed of the day when it would be my decision to eat cake and ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I wanted to. Be careful what you wish for.

Growing up means situations and people change, problems are bigger, feelings are deeper and the hurt devastating.

Also, you really can’t eat cake and ice cream for all three meals. The fat content alone puts you at risk of heart disease, diabetes, and an enormous ass. Yeah, growing-up sucks.





High school was done and I made it through, graduating with honors. I finished number six in the class. As usual, falling short of the big prize, but I wasn’t surprised. Vincent had gotten Valedictorian. He earned it.

My senior year had been a mixture of extreme highs and lows. I learned two important things, though. One, Brad was a sleazy Smurff*cker, who kept his word. Noah never did find out about what had happened. Two, I was very good at compartmentalizing. I let the Brad incident affect me for a few days. I stayed to myself as much as possible during that time, then I tucked it away into its own dark compartment, left it there, and moved on.