Present Perfect(49)

“Why didn’t you want to kiss her or hear her talk?”

The room fell quiet. Noah hugged me tight against him, and whispered, “Because she’s not you.”

That was all I needed to hear at that moment before drifting off to sleep with a smile of contentment on my face.





The invisible force occupies every sphere of my brain and permeates throughout my entire body. There has never been a time in my life that it didn’t hold me hostage. By the time I was able to fuse coherent thoughts together, it was too late and I didn’t know where the exit was to escape.

If I could see it, touch it, reason with it maybe I would have a chance to survive it. Instead I only feel it and hear it. It’s message a constant in my life. Where did it come from? Why did it pick me? It seeped into my life so slowly I never saw it take over before it consumed me.

(And that my friend is what they call f*cked up thinking.)





When I first woke up, it took me several minutes to figure out where the hell I was. My head felt like a chainsaw was slicing into it. My hair even hurt. I was barely able to lift this throbbing orb off the pillow. Slowly, images of last night came into focus.

I remember being at the party. Noah and Brad got into a fight. I got uber-drunk. Brad had his hands all over me. Noah brought me home. I threw myself at him. I still had this weird feeling that some other horrible thing had happened. I kept running last night over in my head, trying to put things in some sort of sequence, Brad kissed me, and then the guys fought. I vaguely remember going up the stairs. Then my fuzzy brain started to clear and all the pieces fell into place. HOLY SHIT! I caught Noah and Brittani having sex!

I felt a cold shiver run up my entire body. My throat started to burn and a bitter taste invaded my mouth. I slapped my hand over my mouth and slid from Noah’s bed, trying not to wake him. I made a mad quiet dash to the bathroom, getting there in the nick of time. I was astonished at how much whatever was coming out of me. It was like the freaking Exorcist.

I laid on the floor of the bathroom, pressing my cheek to the cool tile. It felt incredible. I could stay there all day. I was pretty sure I woke Noah up. I knew any minute there would be a knock on the door wanting to know if I was okay. I dreaded it. I knew the tequila shots Brad and I did were mostly to blame for my breakfast of acid chowder, but the memory of seeing Noah coming out of that room with her right behind him definitely helped push the contents of my stomach up and out.

I needed to get up. If I had laid there any longer, I would have fallen asleep. I placed my arm on the side of the bathtub to steady myself as I tried to get up off the floor. It took three attempts, but I finally made it up and over to the sink. I rinsed my mouth out several times. God, I was so thirsty I felt like I could suck down an ocean of water. I washed my face and ran my fingers through my hair, gently, before heading back to Noah’s room to grab my clothes. I just wanted to get my stuff and get out of there. I couldn’t face him right now. I was ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated.

I hadn’t heard any noise in his room, so by some miracle he was either still asleep or possibly in his parent’s bathroom taking a shower. The thought of a naked wet Noah flashed across my mind. I had to get out of there.

I opened the door to his bedroom as quietly as possible. By some miracle, he was still asleep. I could hear the pounding of my heart in my ears as I crept into the room. My shirt and jeans were on the floor at the foot of the bed where they had been tossed the night before. Slowly I walked over, bent down, and picked them up. I scanned the room for the rest of my things. My flip-flops were on Noah’s side of the bed. I decided to leave them and get them later. I wanted to make as quick a retreat as possible.

I scanned the room one more time. A wave of panic swept over me. The tingling started in the center of my chest and quickly spread to the rest of my body. My heart and lungs were working at warped speed. My eyes doubled in size. I closed them for a second trying to calm myself. Maybe I didn’t see what I thought I saw. Opening my eyes slowly, I looked in the same direction and cringed. Yep, I saw it. My purple lace bra had been tossed on the lamp that sat on Noah’s dresser. It was just hanging there, taunting me.

I tiptoed over to the dresser, and studied the bra for a moment, trying to figure out how best to free it. Somehow it had gotten tangled around the lamp. One of the straps had fallen, draping half the bra over the inside of the shade, wrapping it around the base, and hooked itself around the switch. How the hell did that happen? I thought about leaving it, but this situation was humiliating enough without having to ask for my underwear back.

I unhooked the strap from the switch with no problem. I carefully started untangling the bra and pulling it up. I thought I was in the clear, so to end the agony I yanked on the bra. Somehow a piece of the lace snagged on something causing the lamp to tip over. I caught it just before it hit the floor, but it still made a loud scraping sound. I held my breath and looked over my shoulder to check on Noah. I knew there was no way he slept through that. I watched for a few seconds. His breathing was still even and he hadn’t moved.

I started to unsnag the lace when a deep throaty voice startled me. I froze. “Leave it. I like having your pretty little lacey things scattered around my room.” I inhaled a big gulp of air. “And how is my Tweet feeling this morning?”

I knew he was smirking at me. He was enjoying my discomfort from the tequila and standing there with my underwear in hand. The bastard. I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want him to see the humiliation on my face. Plus, I had a little bit of vomit on the front of his t-shirt I was wearing. Looking at myself in the mirror it dawned on me that he had a clear, unobstructed view of my face and had seen my humiliation.