Precious Consequences(35)

Candice looks at me through narrowed eyes, thinning her lips. If she was standing she’d have her hands on her hips and I’d be preparing for a lecture. That’s usually what follows after that pose. “You can’t lie to me, little brother. I know you better than you know yourself, so why don’t you try telling me nothing's wrong without being completely dishonest with me.”

I’m about to reply when my mother walks back in carrying my breakfast. She puts it on the living room table and kisses my head before leaving again. She’s definitely not herself today.

“It’s fine,” Candice says, waving her hand at my plate. “Eat. We’ll talk when you’re done.”

I nod and start scoffing down my food. It barely touches sides with how hungry I am. I put the last bite in my mouth and slide my empty plate away, settling back into the sofa.

“So,” Candice starts, breaking the silence. “You want to tell me what’s up with you or do I have to ask what her name is?”

I look at my sister, surprised that she is able to read me so well. A little too well. I frown. “Who told you?”

Candice smiles. “I got a call from Hannah, but all she said was that I should talk to you. Then mom called and, well, here I am.”

Turning my head away, I shove the discomfort in my chest away. I don’t feel like talking, but my sister is pretty damn persistent and I’m sure she’ll find a way to get me to talk.

“What’s her name?” Candice asks.

I sigh, admitting defeat. I never really stood a chance, so why fight the inevitable? My sister and I might be eight years apart, but growing up she was one of my best friends, and she has always been on my side, even the times I was wrong. She’s protected me, given me “important life advice”, as she called it, and seemed to have the ability to keep me together when everything around us, including our family, fell apart.

“Her name’s Hayley,” I answer.

“Do you like her?”

I shrug, unsure of how to answer this. I’ve never been one to ‘like’ a girl. Sure, I had Rachel for over a year, but we were never a couple. She knew from the beginning what our arrangement was. I was allowed to see other girls, and she was allowed to see other guys. When we wanted to get together it was with sex in mind, but otherwise we were both free to do whatever or whom ever we wanted. It worked for me. Until now.

“I care about her,” I reply. “But it’s complicated, and I’m pretty sure I ruined my chances with her.”

Snorting, Candice says, “Life is complicated, Cameron, we know that. But you won’t know what your chances are with her if you don’t at least try again.”

I rub my hand down my face, feeling the exhaustion from my sleepless night make its way into my bones. “I don’t think that’s going to happen since we can’t even get being just friends right.”

“Why? What happened between you two?”

I steel myself for how Candice is going to react after I tell her how I reacted when Hayley told me she had a daughter. This isn’t going to be pretty.

I fill her in, starting with how Hayley and I met in the parking lot of Jordan’s day care center and ending with last night’s kiss in the alley. I don’t leave out a single detail, not even the way I reacted when I found out about Hayley’s daughter. When I’m done, I feel like a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders, only to be replaced by another. The kind that comes with knowing that I’ll have to tell Hayley everything I keep inside, the hardest of which is what lies behind the closed door at the end of our hallway upstairs.

I slowly look back at Candice. Her face is somewhat unreadable but I know her well enough to see the mixture of disappointment, sadness and anger swimming in the depths of her brown eyes.

“Wow,” she breathes. “That’s a lot to take in, but I’m a little disappointed in you, Cam. You treated that girl so poorly, and all because you found out she has a little girl? How do you think that made her feel?”

I hang my head again, feeling dejected and pissed with myself all at once. “I know, I know,” I concede. “I acted like a complete *, and I wish I hadn’t, but I totally freaked out, alright? I’m twenty -one, Candice, and the last thing I ever imagined, especially at my age, was getting involved with someone who has a kid. I just didn’t see it happening.”

“So what changed?” Candice asks.

“I just, I don’t know. Like I said, I care about her, a lot, and those few weeks when we didn’t talk and then pretended to be friends was torture. I hated every goddamn minute of it.”

“Do you want to try again? I mean, you know it’ll be different because she has a little girl, but does that change how you feel about her?”

Candice’s question catches me a little off guard, but only because I never realized that my feelings for Hayley didn’t change when I found out about her daughter. I just freaked out without asking questions and ran like hell. I’ve never thought about it until now, and maybe if I had, things between Hayley and I could’ve been far less complicated.

“No,” I say honestly. “It doesn’t change how I feel about her, but I’d have to admit that the thought of having more with her at the time scared me. It’s always been easier to not get emotionally involved. After everything with dad, it just became easier to feel nothing.”