Point of Retreat(73)

***

"Will," Sherry says. I jerk my eyes open and she's standing on the other side of Lake's bed.

I stretch my arms out above my head. "Hey," I whisper.

"I brought you some clothes. And your vase. Kel was still asleep, so I just let him sleep. I hope that's okay. I'll bring him back later when he wakes up."

"Yeah, that's fine. What time is it?"

She looks at her watch. "Almost five," she says. "The nurse said you've been asleep for a couple of hours."

I push my elbow into the bed and lift myself up. My arm is asleep. I slide off the bed and stand up and stretch again.

"You do realize visitors are only allowed fifteen minutes," she says. "They must like you."

I laugh. "I'd like to see them try to kick me out," I say. I walk over to the chair and sit. The worst thing about hospitals is the furniture. The beds are too small for two people. The chairs are too hard for any people. And there’s never a recliner. If they would just have a recliner, I might not detest it so much.

"Have you eaten anything today?" she asks.

I shake my head.

"Come downstairs with me. I'll buy you something to eat."

"I can’t. I don't want to leave her," I say. "They've been reducing her meds. She could wake up."

"Well, you need to eat. I'll grab you something and bring it back up."

"Thanks," I say.

"You should at least take a shower. You've got dried blood all over you. It's gross." She smiles at me and starts to head out the door.

"Sherry. Don't bring me a hamburger, okay?"

She laughs.

After she’s gone, I stand up and walk to the vase. I take out a star and crawl back in the bed with Lake. "This one's for you, Babe." I unfold the star and read it.

"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."

I roll my eyes. "Jesus, Julia! Now's not the time to be funny!" I reach over and grab another star, then lay back down again.

"Let's try this again, Babe."

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

~Mahatma Gandhi



I lean over and whisper in her ear. "You hear that, Lake? Indomitable will. That's one of the things I love about you."

***

I must have fallen asleep again. The nurse shakes me awake. "Sir, can you step outside for a moment?"

"Is everything okay?" I stand up just when Dr. Bradshaw walks into the room. “Is she okay?” I ask him.

"We're removing the ventilator now. The anesthesia is wearing off so she's not getting anything other than the pain medicine she's getting through her I.V." He walks over to the bed and raises the rail back up. "Just step outside for a few minutes. I promise we'll let you back in," he smiles.

He's smiling. This is good. They're taking her off the ventilator. This is good. He's looking me in the eyes. This is good. I step outside and impatiently wait.

I pace the hallway for fifteen minutes before he emerges from the room. "Her vitals look fine. She's breathing on her own. Now we wait," he says. He pats me on the shoulder and turns to leave.

I go back in the room and crawl back in the bed with her. I put my ear to her mouth and listen to her breathe. It's the most beautiful sound in the world. I kiss her. Of course I kiss her. I kiss her a million times.

***

Sherry made me take a shower when she got back with our food. Gavin and Eddie showed up around six o'clock and stayed for an hour. Eddie cried the whole time so Gavin got worried and made her leave again. Sherry came back with Kel before visiting hours were over. He didn't cry, but I think he was upset seeing her like this, so they didn't stay long. I've been giving my grandmother hourly updates, although nothing has changed.

Now it’s somewhere around midnight and I'm just sitting here. Waiting. Thinking. Waiting and thinking. I keep imagining I see her toe move. Or her finger. It's driving me crazy so I just stop watching. I start thinking about everything that happened Thursday night. Our cars. Where are our cars? I should probably be calling the insurance company. What about school? I missed school today. Or was it yesterday? I don’t even know if it’s Saturday yet. I probably won't be in school next week, either. I should figure out who Lake's professors are and let them know she won't be there. I should probably let my professors know, too. And the elementary. What do I tell them? I don't know when the boys will go back. If Lake is still in the hospital next week, I know Kel won't want to go to school. But he just missed an entire week of school. He can't miss very many more days. And what about Caulder? Where are Kel and Caulder going to stay while Lake and I are here? I'm not leaving this hospital without Lake. I may not even leave with Lake if I don't figure out what to do about a car. My car. Where is my car?