Playing It Safe(30)

What do you say to that? Nothing, that’s what. When a man like Alex tells you he’s going to make you come, not once but numerous times, you just stand there and soak it up because there is absolutely no comeback close to being worthy enough.

“As much as it would please me to no end to make that happen right now, I can tell that you need a little bit more time,” he says, and removes his finger from my lips at the same time he drops his other arm that’s still up against the wall.

Alex steps back and reluctantly puts both his hands in his pockets while he watches me straighten my clothing back to normal. Once I’ve got everything in its proper place, I snatch up my purse from where he hung it on the back of the stool and immediately take out my keys in silence. The kicker is I have so many things I want to say to him, but I don’t. Can you believe the irony? Me, the girl who can’t keep her mouth shut about anything, is stumped!

“Good-bye, Alex. I’ll be in touch this week about the party, and again, thank you for dinner,” I babble and make my way to the front door.

He follows closely behind and opens the door for me so I can walk out to my car. Just as I reach my driver’s side door, he calls out my name. I turn my head to find him leaning against the doorjamb with his arms crossed at his chest and a pleased smile plastered on his face, looking as sexy as ever.

“I look forward to hearing from you,” he says.

With a roll of my eyes as he’s chuckling away at my expense, I hop in my car and pull out of his driveway. The whole time he’s watching me. Not that I looked up to confirm, but it’s one of those feelings you get when you know someone’s staring at you.

Once I’m on the open road a couple minutes later, my mind is flying in so many directions. Why couldn’t I go through with it? God knows I wanted to. It’s not like I have much on the excuse front anymore. He very plainly explained that there is nothing going on with Marisa. He also put my mind at ease about his past with Sabrina, although I still think it’s a little weird, but that’s something I think I could get over in time. And as far as the granny panties are concerned, I totally could have made them work, and he would have been none the wiser.

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I that disenchanted with relationships and men in general that I’m always going to second-guess myself?

Then a thought … no, a person pops into my thoughts.

Aiden.

“Thanks a lot, *,” I say out loud and turn onto my street.

It’s his fault I’m like this. I’ve been trying for so long to let go of my past with him, but today is proof positive that I’m still as f*cked up as ever. Dammit! Why did he have to pop up out of nowhere all of a sudden? I had my life all nice and neat and compartmentalized. But no, he comes along and throws a monkey wrench into my emotional stability and makes me question every goddamn thing I do. And Alex seems to be the one suffering the brunt of it. Trust me, I know rationally that Alex doesn’t deserve this. He’s a great guy, and I’d be an idiot of the highest order if I didn’t take a chance with him.

I walk into my house still reeling from the afternoon at Alex’s house and the self-loathing trip I’ve been heaping onto myself the whole drive home. I’m exhausted, confused, and fed up. It’s officially time for me to take the bull by the horns and give Alex a fair shot. How I’m going to do that I don’t know yet, but he’s definitely in my sights, and I’m going to sleep with him whether I like it or not.

Well, if today was any indication, I’m going to love it, but that’s beside the point.

What was it that Sabrina used to say all the time? Something about tomorrow being a better day or some crazy shit like that, I think.

Whatever. Close enough.

Tomorrow is going to be a better day for me, even if it kills me.





CHAPTER ELEVEN


Monday mornings are not my favorite day of the week to begin with, but this morning is even worse than usual. I’m really dragging. From stopping my mother from committing murder, finding out that my parents still have sex—I just threw up a little in my mouth just thinking about it—and finally everything that happened with Alex. Seriously, my head feels like it’s spinning from all the crap I have going on in there. Because I still have to figure out a way to be around him and try not to be too distracted while still planning his niece’s party. And if you’ve ever been in the same room as Alex, good luck on not being distracted by him. It’s next to impossible for me.


When I arrive at work, I make a beeline to the coffee machine and pour myself a cup before heading into my office, hoping that it will clear my head a little. While I’m waiting for my laptop to fire up, I pull out my iPad to review my notes from when I met with Josie yesterday and place it on my desk. Tapping my fingernails against my coffee mug as I’m thinking of a way to approach Lisette without it backfiring on me, I finally pick up the phone and call her into my office. She’s not in the room for more than a second before she zeroes in on my mood.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“That’s nice. No good morning or how was your weekend,” I answer sarcastically. “By the way, close the door behind you.”

After she swings the door shut, she walks over and sits down. “Good morning. How was your weekend, and what’s wrong with you? Is that better?”