Patchwork Paradise(55)

“Is he in bed yet?” I needed to talk to Thomas, apologize for being so rude that morning, but I wanted to see Milo before he was in bed, so I could say good night too.

“Nope.” Thomas looked up from where they were playing on the rug in the living room. He smiled at me, but I couldn’t tell for sure if I was forgiven. “He rolled over today! I’m pretty sure it was accidental, but still.”

I bent down. “That’s awesome. Who’s awesome?” I lifted Milo’s right hand and gave him a tiny high five. “Yes, you are.” I leaned across Thomas, hesitated, then kissed him lightly. “I’ll change him,” I said, just as Mom walked through the door. I gave Thomas a hand up.

“And I’ll make his bottle.” He grinned a little knowingly, gave me a one-armed hug, and we turned to see my mother staring at us, looking mildly watery-eyed.

“Well,” she said, sniffing. “I think I’ll go home for the weekend. Call me if you need anything. Thomas, I’ll be back early Monday morning so you can get ready for work.”

“Wait!” I said, panicking as she disappeared into the hallway. She stopped with one foot on the marble staircase. “You’re leaving? For the whole weekend?”

“Sweetheart, you guys are doing great. You can handle a weekend by yourselves.” She pressed a kiss to my forehead and had one for Milo too. I thought back to that morning and didn’t think I was doing great at all. “I’m so proud of you, Oliver. Here.” She put the teething necklace around my neck. With that she disappeared up the stairs.

I hurried into the kitchen.

“She’s really leaving,” I told Thomas as he mixed formula. “For two whole days.”

Thomas smiled down at me. “I know you’re not half as panicky as you’re pretending to be. We got this. Together.” He held me tight, kissed Milo’s head, then turned to me and gave me a long, deep smooch that made my knees weak. “And,” he said, “it’ll be just you and me tonight if we manage to stay awake.”

“Oh,” I breathed.

He sobered a little. “I think we need to talk about how we’re going to move forward, though. I feel uncomfortable living here without contributing anything, and I know it’s causing friction between us.” He rubbed his palm over his jeans. “And the beginning of a relationship shouldn’t be like that, should it?” Thomas didn’t meet my eyes, and he had a faint flush on his cheeks.

“Do you . . . want to stop?” I asked, hating how small my voice sounded.

“No,” he murmured miserably. “I don’t. But I’m not quite sure how to make it work either.”

“Okay, well, after we put Milo to bed, we can talk. Is that okay?” I tried to sound calm and confident, but the anxiety that seemed to be ever present lately flared up wildly. I smiled at Milo. “Come on, Milo. Let’s get you changed and fed.” I was relieved when Thomas followed us upstairs.

We woke up in the guest bed a few hours later, Milo still soundly asleep in his crib.

“How did we get here?” Thomas asked groggily. “I don’t even remember lying down.”

He looked sleep-ruffled and warm, and I reached for him without thinking. His T-shirt felt so soft against my palm when I ran a hand over his chest, up his shoulder, to his neck. The daze in his eyes disappeared instantly, and he rolled over, half trapping me under him. Without a word he kissed me, his tongue slipping smoothly into my mouth, and I opened for him. He licked my tongue, nibbled my lips, ran his mouth along my jaw, until my toes were curling against the mattress and fire flared hotly in my belly.

“Thomas,” I whispered. “Can we move this into another bedroom?”

He lifted his head. Doubt clouded his eyes. “I feel like . . . we should talk first. The last few days have been so hectic. I want you. And I think you want me too, but—”

“Can’t that be enough for now? It’s not like we’re going to have time for a three-course meal with dessert on top, if you know what I mean.” I knew we needed to talk, but God, just for a little while I needed to feel good, everything else that clogged my mind be damned.

Thomas let his head thud down onto the pillow. “I really want that three-course meal,” he mumbled into the fabric, and I snorted, which turned into a moan when he shifted a little so I could feel his erection. “Okay, come on.”

He stood and tugged me up from the bed. By the light of Milo’s turtle nightlight, we watched over him for a minute, hand in hand, and I realized then that when the time came for Thomas to go home and take Milo with him, it would break my heart.

We went into his room, since it was closer to Milo’s room than mine, and took the monitor with us. I drew the curtains, turned on the bedside lamp, and felt incredibly awkward.

“I don’t know what to do now,” I told him.

He took a step toward me. “Can I hold you?” he asked.

“God, yes.” I walked into his arms, and he enfolded me, spreading warmth and safety and a slow burn of something oh-so-sweet through my veins. I buried my face against his chest, and he nuzzled my hair until I lifted my chin. He kissed me again. I slipped my hands under his shirt, a hint to see what he’d do, and immediately he stepped back and lifted his arms. I had to stand on my tiptoes to tug it off him, he was so tall, and I tossed it aside so I could bury my fingers in his downy, dark fur. It crinkled against my palms. His breath shuddered out of his mouth when my thumbs brushed his nipples.