Only You (Adair Family #5)(75)

“Brodan!”

To my relief, he halted and turned around. As I neared, I saw the muscle flexing in his jaw, his expression wary.

I didn’t stop until we were almost touching, tilting my chin to hold his gaze as I laid my hands gently on his chest. His heart beat fast beneath my palm. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

As he remained guarded, I continued, “Brodan, I’m sorry. We were both jealous. We’re both on edge as we work this thing out. I promise to do better.”

His entire body sagged with relief, and he reached for me, wrapping his arms around my waist as he bent to rest his forehead against mine. “I promise to do better too.”





28





Monroe





“You’re sure your family doesn’t mind me crashing Christmas Day?” I asked, feeling more nervous about approaching Thane and Regan’s home than I had the afternoon of the Christmas fair.

Christmas Day was for family. Mum and I hadn’t spent Christmas Day together in well over a decade, so there was really no change in that department. I’d always called her, even though I’d end up feeling like shit after the call. No, over the years, I’d spent Christmas Day with friends and other people’s families. When someone heard you were spending it alone, the offers poured in. It was the season of generosity, after all.

However, I’d spent my thirties alone at Christmas. After Steven, I’d moved out of Glasgow and started over in Renfrewshire. I felt ashamed to tell my new work colleagues and friends that I was spending Christmas alone, so I’d lie about going home.

This would be my first Christmas with a family again. A tantalizing tease of what could be.

“Of course, they don’t,” Brodan assured me as we turned down the country lane toward the two homes that belonged to his eldest brothers. “Sloane, Callie, and Walker will be there too.”

I nodded in relief at the reminder and then studied the house as we pulled in behind a line of cars cluttering the driveway. In the covered entrance of Thane and Regan’s was a large Christmas tree, accompanied by a massive lit wreath on the door. It looked beautiful and warm and inviting.

“I’ve spent every Christmas alone since I was thirty,” I confessed suddenly.

Brodan switched off the engine, not saying a word.

Afraid of what he might think of that, I reluctantly dragged my eyes off the front entrance and looked at him. Brodan stared at me, half anguish, half guilt.

“Don’t do that,” I practically whispered. “I didn’t have to be alone, Brodan. I made choices that led me to that too.”

“If you’d had a family worthy of you, you’d have never spent a Christmas alone.” He reached over and caressed my cheek. “I want to give you this”—he gestured to the house—“for the rest of your life … but if you decide you don’t want that, promise me …” Pain flared in his eyes. “Promise me you’ll find it with someone else. Because I’d rather suffer through the agony of knowing you love someone else than ever suffer the pain of knowing you’re out in the world alone. You deserve so much more than that, Monroe.”

A sob escaped before I could stop it, and the fear I’d held deep within me burst forth. “What if I don’t deserve you?”

Brodan’s eyes widened, shock at my question evident. Confusion too. He opened his mouth to reply, but we both jumped at a rattle against the driver’s-side window. I’d been so lost in our moment, I hadn’t even noticed Regan come out of the house.

Cursing under his breath, Brodan hit a button, and the window lowered to reveal Regan and her beaming, dimpled smile. “Merry Christmas, you guys! Can you move—” She cut off at the sight of me wiping my eyes, and her smile fell. “Oh my God, I’m sorry. Did I interrupt something?”

“No.” I gave her a fake smile. “Merry Christmas, Regan. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Of course.” Her worried gaze moved to Brodan. “You okay?”

“Aye. Merry Christmas. What was it you needed?”

“Never mind. Arro and Mac might not even drive, so it’s a possible parking nonissue. Come on in.”

I unclipped my seat belt, refusing to meet Brodan’s probing stare. “Better not forget the presents in the back.” I jumped out of the SUV and opened the rear passenger door. Thankfully, my invitation came early enough for me to buy a little something for everyone. I especially wanted to give Arro and Mac a wee thank-you gift for letting me stay in the cottage.

Regan hurried up the front porch but waited for us to follow. Brodan grabbed his bags of gifts for everyone and rounded the car. His eyes flicked to his sister-in-law before coming back to me. “Don’t think this discussion is over,” he murmured.

Wonderful.

“Come in, come in.” Regan waved us into the house, and for the first time, I noticed she wore a reindeer headband, Christmas baubles hanging from her ears, and her dress was red and green. She made me smile.

Until we stepped inside and she said, “Ooh, stop,” as she closed the door behind us.

Brodan and I did as she asked, me assuming she wanted us to remove our shoes. The sound of laughter and chatter accompanied by low-level Christmas music and the scent of delicious cooking drifted toward us. Anticipation fluttered in my belly, and I was relieved for its distraction.