Only You (Adair Family #5)(57)

Searching his face, every tortured feature, I saw only the truth. “I believe you. And I forgive you.”

Vivid relief slackened his features. “Really?”

I nodded but gently extricated my hands and sat back. He watched my movements with the intensity of a hunter. Disappointment glimmered in his eyes before I even said the words, “But that doesn’t mean I can be with you.”

Brodan swallowed hard.

“I appreciate you telling me all this. It makes sense of so much. And while I think I can try to be friendly … I … that you can hurt me so deeply terrifies me, Brodan. We are not the same people we were back then, and we’re holding on to the love between two kids who don’t exist anymore.”

“I don’t believe that,” he whispered.

Needing to guard myself against him, I stood up. “I can offer you friendship, but nothing more.”

Brodan slowly stood too, towering over me, so goddamn handsome it hurt. “I can accept friendship … but if we’re going to be honest with each other from now on, I should tell you I intend to make you fall back in love with me.”

A bubble of surprised, nervous laughter slipped out. “W-What?”

He nodded, deadly serious. “I’m staying in Ardnoch. I have no real clue what I’m doing with my life, but the one thing I know is that I’ve missed home beyond bearing … and Ardnoch isn’t truly home without you, so I’m going to prove to you I can be a better man. For myself. For my family. For you. And you are going to fall back in love with me.”

I crossed my arms over my chest at his arrogance. “You’re so sure of yourself?”

Determination gleamed in his eyes. “I know that when I put my mind to something, I rarely fail. Prepare yourself, Monroe Sinclair, because I’m putting my mind to making up for the last eighteen years so we don’t spend the next eighteen without each other.”





22





Brodan





Glancing back at Arran and Eredine’s house, I waved to Ery as she stood in the doorway watching me and my brother walk down the drive.

“The place looks great.” I turned to Arran as we made a right. The house Thane designed for him had been completed a few months ago, and my brother wasted no time asking Eredine to move in with him.

“We love it.” Arran flashed me a quick smile. “Your plot is waiting for you.”

Anticipation filled me at the thought of putting down roots. “Aye, I’m planning on talking to Thane about it.”

Arran raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to build?”

I nodded.

“Is that why you wanted to talk this morning?”

We passed the plot of land that belonged to me, and I pictured a house there with big windows overlooking the sea. I also pictured Monroe there with me. At the end of the property we Adairs owned in Caelmore was a path that led down through the fields and into sand dunes before hitting a small public beach. That’s where I led Arran.

“Brodan?”

“Let’s talk once we hit the beach. I’ll be too busy avoiding sheep shite to concentrate on conversation,” I cracked. It was true. Our land abutted a local farmer’s, and he used his for grazing.

My brother shot me a curious look but remained silent. Ten minutes later, we’d traversed our way downward, through fields and dunes and onto the golden sands of the beach.

Despite the winter chill, there was only a slight breeze, and the water lapped gently at the shore for this time of year. Not another soul walked along the small beach, which was what I’d been counting on.

I walked, gesturing for Arran to follow me.

Then I talked.

After I’d shared the story of Vanessa and her dad with Monroe, I realized the world did not, in fact, end. Better yet, Roe’s forgiveness made me feel less ashamed. For years, I’d felt like the most disloyal coward for leaving Vanessa behind in the aftermath of that night, knowing that the small moment I’d experienced at the hands of her father was nothing compared to what she’d gone through with him. I’d told myself that because I didn’t love her, it was none of my business.

But really, I was young and too devastated by my own loss that I couldn’t see past my selfish fucking nose. The letter she’d sent me a few years ago had made me step outside my own actions, and I hated what I saw in myself. I was a fucking coward. Those feelings were only compounded by the fact that the world saw me as some kind of hero.

The world had no idea who I was.

My therapist had tried to show me reason and rationale, to help me move past it. I thought I had to some extent. But I hadn’t.

Not until Roe had forgiven me.

If she could forgive me, then I knew I could be a better man going forward.

If she could forgive me, I knew suddenly that my family would too.

So that morning on the beach, I told Arran everything.

When I was finished, my brother didn’t say a word for what felt like forever. Agitated, I wondered if I’d overestimated the situation. But then my brother stopped, pulling on my arm to draw me to a halt.

Worry creased his brow as he glared at me. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me years ago, Bro? You knew about Colin’s death and how much guilt I carried because of it. Don’t you think that I, of all people, would understand?”