One To Watch(70)

Her heart was pounding. She couldn’t say it.

“What?” he prodded. “If you didn’t think what?”

Bea closed her eyes. “If I didn’t think I could really fall in love with you.”

She looked up at Asher—his expression was pained.

“I hate this,” he said finally.

“What do you hate?”

“You, with other men.”

“You knew the premise of this show when you agreed to be on it, right?”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he sulked.

“No one’s asking you to! But I don’t see a way for us to make it through this if you shut down during what precious little time we actually get to spend together because you’re busy thinking about everyone else.”

“I know,” he admonished himself. “Believe me, I hate that I’m behaving this way. I couldn’t get back to sleep after Luc came back. I kept thinking about the two of you, and wondering …”

“What?”

For the first time all day, he looked Bea dead in the eye.

“If you feel as strongly for me as you do for him.”

Bea sighed in frustration. As much as she didn’t relish sharing this particular detail on television, she had a feeling it was the only thing that would get this date (and this relationship) back on track.

“Asher, I didn’t sleep with Luc.”

He looked up at her, surprised and a little hopeful. “You didn’t?”

Bea shook her head. “Not even close. And I’m sorry he gave you that impression. You know how he is, I’m sure he was just trying to get a rise out of you.”

“It’s not just him,” Asher said softly.

“Oh?”

“Sam was pretty happy when he came home from his date.”

Bea exhaled deeply. She’d been so worried about these men hurting her, she hadn’t even considered the fact that she could hurt them.

“Come here,” she said to Asher, taking his hand and putting it over her heart, just as he’d done in Ohio. “I know how awful it is to see someone you care about with someone else, okay? Believe me, I’ve been there. But if you can’t trust that I’m taking this seriously, you might as well leave now. Is that what you want?”

Asher let out a huge sigh and pulled Bea into a hug.

“That’s the opposite of what I want,” he mumbled into her hair, and Bea relaxed into his touch. This was what she’d longed for all day, and now that she was here, she finally felt some of the tension in her body unspool.

He pulled back so he could look at her. “Forgive me for being a jealous ass?”

She nodded, then took his hand and led him over to a picnic blanket piled with pillows that the production staff had set out. They settled down to enjoy thermoses full of hot tea as they looked out over the falls.

“So,” Bea started, “we have a big decision to make this week.”

“Regarding my children?”

Bea nodded. “Will you tell me more about them? How old are they?”

“Gwen is twelve, and Linus is nine.”

“Wow, so you were a really young dad.”

“Yeah, just twenty-three when Gwen was born.”

“What’s she like?”

“She’s very serious.” Asher smiled. “She wants to be a scientist someday; she got very into zoology this year and did a whole research paper about the differences between leopards and cheetahs.”

“I love leopard print?” Bea ventured.

“I’m not sure that counts as having something in common.” Asher patted Bea’s thigh. “Gwen can be a tough nut to crack—she’s a lot like me, if I’m honest. Very thoughtful, very critical. Even a bit guarded. She didn’t want me to come on this show.”

“Really? Why not?”

“She thought it was a waste of time—and as you know, I agreed. But it meant so much to Linus … I just couldn’t say no to him.”

“Will you tell me about Linus?” Bea asked, and Asher’s whole expression softened.

“He has this sweetness that can change your whole day. And he’s sensitive—he picks up right away if Gwen’s in a bad mood, or I am. He just wants everything around him to be filled with joy.”

Bea didn’t miss the note of pain in Asher’s voice. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Asher looked at Bea for a long moment, and then sighed.

“I’m afraid of putting him on television.”

“Because he’s so young?”

Asher shook his head. “Linus is gender nonconforming. He still uses he/him pronouns, and I don’t know how he’ll come to identify—for now, I’m following his lead. He loves to wear dresses, tutus, glitter, all of it. He’s a human ray of sunshine. But the kids at his school …”

“There’s been bullying?”

“In the past, yes. His teachers have always been great about working with me to make school a welcoming place for him, and so have the other parents—we’re lucky to live in a really inclusive town. But to open him up to the rest of the country, to subject him to all the horrible things people say online?”

“I know something about that,” Bea said quietly.