One To Watch(106)
Bea took a breath. “Asher didn’t leave because Ray showed up. He left because I lied to him.”
Marin rolled her eyes. “You have a right not to tell the world on television that you slept with someone engaged, okay? Wouldn’t you have discussed it privately with Asher at some point if Ray hadn’t shown up and forced your hand?”
“I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t matter now.”
“It does matter, Bea. It matters a lot whether you allow this man who has hurt you so much to hurt you even more.”
“I only have two men left,” Bea argued.
“Yeah, and one of them is a nice, sweet guy who’s head-over-heels in love with you, and the other has been doing his level best to make you miserable for the better part of a decade.”
“Well—doesn’t that mean something?” Bea pushed back, her anger rising. “That I’ve loved him for so long, that I’ve wanted to be with him all this time, and now, finally, here he is, saying he wants the same thing. How crazy would I have to be to throw that away?”
“Not as crazy as you’d have to be to waste another second on him. Do you want to turn back into the person you were last year? Breaking plans, crying every day, refusing to go on a single date? You were unglued. Why would you ever let him back into your life?”
“You don’t know what it’s like.” Bea felt bitterness creeping into her voice. “To think about someone so much for so many years, to dream about him and picture your life together. You’ve never felt that way about anyone.”
“Don’t do that, Bea. Don’t deflect. This isn’t about me, it’s about him. This is exactly why I told him to stop trying to contact you.”
Bea’s face went dark. “When did you do that?”
Marin opened her mouth, and then closed it.
“At the beginning of filming,” Marin admitted. “He texted me to tell you he’d been trying to reach you, but that none of his messages were going through …”
“Was this before or after you came to set to see me?”
Marin looked down. “It was before.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” Bea was horrified. “After all the months I spent begging for him to talk to me, you lied and kept it from me when he finally did?”
“Bea, I liked the guys I met so much, and I didn’t want Ray to ruin things with them—which, by the way, is exactly what he did.”
“It’s not Ray’s fault the producers orchestrated things so Asher would be totally blindsided!” Bea shot back. “Maybe you don’t always know best about my life, Marin. Maybe sometimes I get to make my own decisions—even if you’d rather I stay single like you forever.”
Marin shook her head. “You’re going to feel like a real idiot when this is on television and you hear how spiteful you sound.”
Bea turned to the camera operators. “I’m done with this conversation. Can we be done now?”
But they didn’t say anything—they just kept rolling.
“This isn’t you, Bea,” Marin pleaded. “He brings out the worst in you, because he makes you think he’s all you deserve.”
Bea couldn’t take it anymore. She slammed the laptop shut, then stormed back into the bathroom and closed the door.
——Forwarded Message——
FROM: Ray Moretti <[email protected]>
TO: Kiss Off Entertainment <[email protected]>
SUBJECT: I’m the man from Bea’s past
Hi, whoever’s reading this. I don’t know exactly what to say here, but on last night’s episode in Ohio, Bea said that when she started the show, she was still getting over someone. I believe the person she was talking about was me. And the truth is, I’m not over her. Not even close. I know you’re already halfway through your season, and maybe I’m too late. But if there’s any way that I could see her, or even talk to her, I’ll go anywhere, I’ll buy a plane ticket, I’ll do whatever it takes. So, if there’s even the slightest chance here, I hope you’ll get in touch. Please. I’m just not ready to lose her.
On some level, Bea was enticed by Marin’s suggestion to send Ray away without so much as a conversation—after all, it would be easier than confronting him, than admitting to him (and to the world) exactly how badly he’d hurt her. But even if talking to him was a terrible idea, Bea had to know, finally, the truth of what had happened between them, whether he had ever loved her the way that she loved him. She told Lauren she’d see Ray that afternoon, but that she didn’t want a planned date—just to go for a walk through her favorite city with a man who was once her best friend. Lauren agreed quickly, sounding frankly relieved that Bea was consenting to see him at all.
Part of Bea wanted to spend hours in hair and makeup and wardrobe before she spent time with Ray, to transform into a powerful, sexy TV goddess—her “armor,” as Luc had described it. But tempting as that was, she put on her own jeans and an old flannel shirt instead, some mascara and sheer red lipstick. She knew she’d look a mess on camera, but at least she felt like herself. It didn’t make sense to be Main Squeeze Bea with Ray, all glamour and glitz. All the artifice of the show, the lavish romantic fantasies—none of that was them. They were just two old friends with too much history, too much pain.