One To Watch(105)

“Because he hurt me,” Bea said quietly. “He hurt me more than anyone else in my life ever has.”

“And don’t you think,” Lauren asked gently, “that the reason he was able to hurt you so badly is because you care about him so much?”

Bea buried her face in her hands, knowing that of course Lauren was absolutely right, but desperately fearing what it could mean, after all this time, to open her heart back up to a man who had treated her so callously.

“I don’t know,” she rasped. “I honestly don’t know if I can do this.”

“Bea, I know you’re in pain. How could you not be? Yesterday morning, you thought you had Luc and Asher, and now you don’t have either of them. Of course you’re reeling; it would be insane if you weren’t. But I also need you to see the good in your situation. You’re in Paris. Sam is here, and he loves you. Ray is here, and he broke off his engagement for you. Millions of people are rooting for you to find love, and they think Asher and Luc are jerks. They want you to be happy. The question is whether you want that too.”

“And if what I really want, more than anything, is to walk off this set, buy a plane ticket, and go home?” Bea asked.

Lauren sighed. “Is that actually what you want? To shut yourself off from these men, to deny yourself the chance to find out whether you could really be with one of them? If you’d told me that when I first met you, Bea, I would have believed you. But after everything that’s happened, and how much you’ve changed? I don’t believe it now.”

“Even if that’s true,” Bea conceded, “I don’t know what to say to Sam, and I really don’t know what to say to Ray, and I—”

Bea’s voice broke. She’d never experienced this many intense emotions in her life, and she was starting to feel extremely ready to shove them all in a box to be shut in an attic and never seen again.

Lauren looked at her with sympathy. “Would it help if you talked to Marin?”

“Really?” Bea felt a small lurch of hope. “How?”

“Magic!” Lauren joked. “No, Skype, obviously. The camera guys will bring a laptop with a line to Marin, and you can video chat.”

“I’m really looking forward to the day when everything I do won’t be documented for an audience of millions.” Bea sighed.

“I’m getting a taste of that myself this week,” Lauren groused. Bea shot her a puzzled look.

Lauren picked up her phone and handed it over to Bea, who frowned.

“I’m not allowed to see a phone.”

“And I’m not allowed to sleep with a cast member, but here we are. Just look. It’ll make you feel better.”

Bea looked down—Lauren’s phone was open to an article on TMZ revealing, in big bold letters, that Lauren had slept with Luc.

“Holy shit,” Bea muttered.

“See?” Lauren prodded. “And you thought you were the only one having the week from hell.”

“One might argue you brought this on yourself,” Bea countered.

“Yeah, well.”

“Is this true?” Bea looked up from the article. “They really might fire you?”

“I’d like to see them try,” Lauren scoffed, but Bea could sense a chink in her usually steadfast confidence. “Last night was the highest-rated episode seven in franchise history.”

“Really?” Bea put down the phone. “Even higher than the time those two women ditched the Main Squeeze to run away together?”

“Yes!” Lauren beamed. “What did I tell you, Bea? People love you! Also, that lesbian plot was totally fake, but Farmer Greg was so boring, I had to do something, you know?”

Bea closed her eyes and smiled, happy to have any absurd situation to think about other than her own.

Lauren left her to get dressed, and a few minutes later, a camera crew arrived with a laptop, as promised.

“Babe!” Marin yelped from her window on the shiny screen. “What’s happening? Are you okay? They wouldn’t tell me anything, they just said you needed to talk.”

“Ray’s here,” Bea said, the gravity of the situation seeping back in as she spoke the words aloud.

“I saw that—what the hell is going on?? They just cut to black at the end of the episode, after you walked out of the kissoff ceremony. What’s happened since? Have you heard from Asher?”

Bea shook her head. “I think he’s really gone, Mar.”

“Bea, no.” Marin covered her mouth. “He’s crazy about you, I know he is.”

“Not anymore.” Bea exhaled heavily. “You heard what he said.”

“He was just hurt,” Marin consoled her. “And insecure, and definitely jealous—you were totally right about that. But let’s come back to him. What’s happening with Sam? And Ray?”

“I haven’t seen either of them since the ceremony.”

“OUTSTANDING! Send Ray home immediately!”

“Without even talking to him? Mar, he broke up with Sarah and came all the way here—”

“He came all the way there when he wanted, to suit his needs, without a thought in the world for how it would affect you. He heard you might be getting engaged, and did he think, Wow, maybe Bea finally has a shot at being happy with someone else? No. He thought, Hey, I’m Ray, I need to get on an airplane and make a mess of Bea’s life, because that’s my signature move. And when his actions caused a really great guy to walk out on you, he was probably cheering internally that he managed to improve his odds. He’s a selfish asshole, Bea. That’s who he’s always been, and it’s who he’s always going to be. Send him home.”