One Night to Risk It All(25)

She’d stayed up half the night reading, browsing the internet and eating cookies and basically trying to figure out what had gone wrong in her world and how she was going to fix it.

She knew one thing for sure: That she had to give Alex a chance to be in his child’s life. Beyond that? She had no clue.

She finished out her conversation with Leah and tossed her phone down onto the bed.

Oh, great. And there went her line of defense. Her “No, Alex, you villain! I cannot marry you!” was going to be so much weaker now.

Although, it was nice to know that Holt was secure. That it would still go to Ajax, because even though she hadn’t wanted to marry him, she hadn’t wanted him to lose anything, either.

But Leah... Oh, she hoped Leah would be happy. That she knew what she was doing. Leah had always been fond of Ajax. They’d always gotten along, but she hadn’t gotten the idea that her sister wanted to marry him.

Maybe she was wrong. Maybe they were both better at hiding who they were than people realized. Rachel was sure her sister would never believe that she was a bad girl living inside of a good girl, and that both entities had a penchant for cookies. That she’d had a one-night stand on vacation with her fiancé’s enemy. Nope. She was sure no one would guess that.

There was a knock on the bedroom door, and this one, she guessed, was Alex. Though she was a little shocked the man knew how to observe things like knocking. It was a social nicety she wouldn’t have credited him with.

“Come in,” she said, straightening and hoping she didn’t look like she’d had an all-night cookie and internet bender, even though she had.

Alex strode into the room, as usual, his charisma filling up the small space in a way that was shocking.

“They got married,” he said.

“So I saw,” she returned, and she was sure they were talking about the same people.

“Are you okay?” he asked. It was shockingly sensitive, all things considered. A lot more sensitive than a man who was just out to use her should ever be.

“I’m...fine. Worried about Leah. I didn’t want her to...to marry someone she didn’t love for me.”

“Maybe it wasn’t for you.”

“Of course it was,” she said.

“The whole world doesn’t revolve around you, you know.”

“No, I’m well aware of that. I get used a lot. But what I want doesn’t ever seem to be that important.”

“Are you sorry you aren’t married to him?”

“Am I sorry that I’m not trapped in a loveless marriage with him?”

“You could be trapped in one with me,” he said. “It might take your mind off her.”

“Nice try, but I actually think that I might relish my newfound freedom.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have screwed everything up. When the press find out...well, when the press find out, I’m not going to be their princess anymore. They love me, sure, but they love Ajax and the wayward woman will always be the villain. My father will be so disappointed that I...that I didn’t learn. Leah’s had to marry someone she doesn’t love because of me. I’ve messed up everything. I have...no reason at all, in all the world, to keep doing what’s expected of me. Or rather to start again. I’m ruined,” she said, laughing. “Utterly ruined. And there’s no point even trying to backpedal. To try and legitimize myself by marrying my baby’s father when it won’t change the circumstances. My father can’t pay anyone off and make this go away.”

“So you’re ready to go and face the press then?”

“I am absolutely not,” she said. “I...I want you to know that no matter what...whether I was pregnant or not, press or not, whether you had come or not...I wasn’t going to marry him.”

“Is that the case?” he asked, his voice rough.

“Yes. I can’t. I...I can’t. But that doesn’t make me brave. I would still be hiding, without the baby. I’m a coward, and I feel totally fragile and I want to hide out for a while and figure out...what all this means. See what...what happens with the pregnancy.”

“Do you have any reason to believe you’ll miscarry?” he asked. He looked disturbed by the idea, which was strangely touching. It was easy to imagine he was digging in and doing the right thing because of his past experience, but he almost seemed to want the baby. Almost seemed like he would be sorry now if it didn’t happen.

And she felt a little bit shocked by the revelation that she would be sad if something happened. That she wanted the baby, no matter the circumstances.

“No. Not any reason beyond statistics. I mean...they happen, don’t they?”

“I suppose. But it hardly seems right to plan for one.”

“I’m not. I’m just being cautious.”

“I have to go back to New York for the work week. I have several clients I need to meet with and it has to be done in person.”

“Why can’t you Skype them or something?”

He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed over his broad chest. “I’m new in town still. Comparatively. That means I have to play by other people’s rules sometimes.”

“You must hate that.”

He smiled that wicked, enticing smile. “I hate rules. But you have to play the game. And the game has been good to me so far. It’s how I’ve earned my money. It’s how a kid from a brothel ended up being a billionaire.”