One Night to Risk It All(24)

“Why did you put him off for so long?”

“I can see now, clear as day, that my saying I wanted to ‘live a little’ first was mainly because I just didn’t feel anything for him. I dated some other men, but didn’t have serious relationships with them because even though I knew Ajax wasn’t putting an exclusive claim on me it felt like I would have been cheating.” And she’d felt far too burned out to go there, but she wasn’t going to bring that up. “And then we made it official and we’ve been engaged for years and...it was comfortable. To wear his ring and go on with life like it hadn’t changed.” She looked into her water glass. “And now everything’s changed.”

“Well, not everything. You aren’t married.”

“And I’m not going to be.”

“Because you don’t trust me?”

“There’s that, but there’s the fact that this isn’t even close to being about trust. My father has promised ownership of Holt to the daughter who marries first and to the man she marries. He won’t go back on a promise.”

“Refreshing,” Alex said, a dark light in his blue eyes.

“Yes, well, you don’t get to benefit from it. Sorry.”

“Too bad.”

“I’m exhausted,” she said, standing. “I think dinner wasn’t the best idea. I’m going to my room.”

“Fine. Shall I have your plate cleared?”

“Yes,” she said. “And have cookies sent to my room. And decaf coffee. I don’t want to eat healthy.”

He arched a brow. “You are a rebel, Rachel Holt. How did the media ever paint you as anything else?”

“Shut up, Alex.” She turned and walked back into the house, stalking to her room. She flung open the door and then slammed it with equal fervor.

She needed something. She needed...cookies. And to open a window so that she could breathe. She walked over to the other side of the room and flung the curtains open, then shoved the windows wide.

The breeze coming in off the ocean didn’t help relieve the pressure in her chest. It didn’t help anything.

She felt like she was going to burst. The pressure behind her eyes was so intense she could barely stand it.

But there was no release. She had worked so long to keep her emotions, her desires, anything too wild or demonstrative in check, that she couldn’t let it out even now.

She couldn’t even be herself when she was alone.

The scary thing was, she was pretty sure the only time she’d been herself for more than a decade was during the night she’d spent in Alex’s arms. Naked in every single way.

He hadn’t deserved that. It had been a lie for him.

She took a deep breath, gulping the air down like water. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping for tears, desperate for a crack in the foundations she’d built.

Nothing came.

Damn that Alex. She was so angry at him, so hurt by everything he’d done. And still she craved those moments of release, those moments of feeling like she was home in herself, that only he’d ever given her.

Well, that was too bad. She wasn’t ever going to be back in his arms, ever again.

So she would just have to deal with that.

* * *

He married me, BTW.





Rachel stared down at the text from her sister, her body numb. She’d married Ajax? Leah had married Ajax?

When she’d started texting with Leah that morning she hadn’t expected this. Leah had been checking on her, and she could get why, because running off like this was out of character for her, and because, yeah, she had a feeling they knew full well who Alex was.


But to find out Leah and Ajax had married? She didn’t even know how to process that.

She got up from her position on the floor and went to her computer, typing in Ajax Kouros as quickly as she could.

And sure enough.





Ajax Kouros Weds Replacement Bride





“Well...wow.”

She picked up the phone and typed in Holy crap. Just Googled.





You’re happy? You didn’t love Ajax did you?





Her sister’s response came quickly. Leave it to Leah to worry about her, even still. Rachel couldn’t imagine her sweet younger sister with Ajax. Hell, she was the one who was worried.

As for the love part...





Not like that. Not the kind you need to marry a guy. You know?





She hit Send. It was a lie of omission in a lot of ways. Because she would have married him. If things hadn’t changed. If not for the baby.

The baby. All of this kept hitting her in little pieces. She had a feeling if it hit her all at once she would be completely buried by it.





Do you love Alex?





Her sister’s message hit her right in the chest. Because it brought her back to that night. To those feelings. Feelings that were so different from anything she’d ever experienced before.





I need to be with Alex.





She typed it, but didn’t hit Send right away. It was the truth. She had to figure out how they were going to make this work, what they were going to do.