One More for Christmas(56)

Ella gave up. “I’m going outside to join them. Do you want to come with me?”

“This is a professional visit for me. I need to explore the estate, talk to Brodie about the types of activities we can offer, work up some plans and numbers. I’m going to take photographs, investigate transport options. I also promised to explore with him other ways that he could monetize the estate.”

Ella looked at her sister properly for the first time and realized how groomed and professional she looked even in warm, practical clothing. “Is that sweater new? You look amazing. How long have you been awake?”

“A few hours. I was working. I had some preparation to do for today.”

Ella was about to ask her sister if she was looking forward to spending the day with Brodie when Michael emerged from the bathroom.

“Am I the only one around here who is starving?” He picked up his watch from the nightstand. “I’m willing to test the full Scottish breakfast for you, Samantha. I will give you my considered opinion on every element.”

Samantha smiled at him. “Your sacrifice is duly noted.”

“Always willing to take one for the team. Are you coming for something to eat, Ella?”

“Later.” Ella pulled on extra layers and found her coat. She felt isolated. No one, not even her sister, seemed to understand the way she was feeling. “I want to check on my daughter.”

“Our daughter.” Michael’s tone was mild. “She’s our daughter.”

“True. But she’s with my mother. She’s probably telling Tab never to get married, or to make sure she only ever takes a well-paid job. Or maybe Tab has fallen over and she’s telling her to pick herself up.”

Samantha exchanged a look with Michael. “You need to relax, Ella, or this Christmas gathering is never going to work. You can’t hover over Mom, watching her every move.”

Nothing stung quite as sharply as criticism from someone you saw as an ally. “How can you say that? You know what she’s like. Just look at the impact she’s had on you.”

Samantha’s mouth tightened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s our mother’s constant dire warnings that are responsible for the fact that you’re single and focused on work. You’re terrified of feelings, which is why instead of experiencing wild abandoned passion, you spend your nights reading about wild abandoned passion. Which, now I think of it, could be the very definition of safe sex. It’s certainly safer than opening up and trusting someone.” She saw the wounded expression in her sister’s eyes and tried to backpedal. “All I’m saying is that our upbringing had a powerful effect on us. I’m afraid to tell our mother the truth about my life, and you don’t form intimate relationships because Mom told us never to build our lives around a man.”

Samantha stood in frozen stillness. “Are you finished?”

“I just think—”

“And I think you should stop talking now.”

Ella swallowed. “You’re acting as if this is all normal, but before this we hadn’t spoken to our mother for five years. So forgive me if this whole thing is a bit sensitive. We’re pretending we’re a normal family, and we are not a normal family.”

“I’m going to see if I can find the McIntyres and some breakfast and if I can’t, I’ll retire to my room with my romantic fantasies.” Samantha left the room and Ella stared after her miserably.

“Now I’ve upset her.” And she felt terrible. She and Samantha never fought. Her sister was her comfort blanket, and she knew Samantha felt the same way about her.

“She’ll be fine.” Michael picked up his phone. “Your relationship will survive one tactless comment.”

“You think I was tactless?”

“I think you’re not yourself. And if this is how you are around your mother, then perhaps this is a good time to look at that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He put the phone in his pocket. “If there are things you want to say to your mother, then say them.”

“I’ve told you, she makes me feel like—”

“A child. Yes. I get that. And I get that it’s hard, but it’s up to you to rewrite that narrative. We’re always children to our parents. We’ll probably be the same around Tab when she is thirty and fully independent—but if you’re truly going to reestablish a relationship with your mother, then both of you need to put the past behind you.”

“How am I supposed to do that?” How could he make it sound so easy? If it were easy, she would already have done it.

“You could start by telling her that you’re not teaching right now. That you’ve chosen to stay home and raise our child. Surely a woman who writes books encouraging people to make choices will understand your need to make a few of your own?”

Ella could just imagine how that would play out.

“She’s fine with other people’s choices. But she’s only good with her daughter’s choices if they align with her ambitions for us.”

Michael picked up her scarf and put it round her neck. “Then you need to make it clear that accepting your choices is going to be part of your relationship moving forward.” He kissed her forehead. “She doesn’t have to like your choices, but she does need to accept them.”